Arghh!!!!

I've been trying very
hard but it's so
impossible for me to
forget u, wajihah...
Those moments were
too happy for me
to forget...

i'm going on...

I would like to personally
thank my friend, Jacintha
for she's always there for
me in times of problems..
In fact, i already did..
She has enlightened me with
something that is difficult for
me to face..
She didn't really solve it
for me..she just reduce my
burden..i'm feeling quite ok
right now, resuming my
usual daily activities...
I'm going to put all my effort
in my studies...
I have to reset my mind and
instead of good, i'll set it to
'love is evil at this age..'
Hmm..that is a great idea,
it seems..
I can't get it over with in
a split second but i'll do
it slowly..
I'm back to my laughter...
Haha...

journey to be a pilot..

I've checked the RSAF site
few days ago..
I searched for every information
i wish to know..
I found the requirements
to be a pilot of the army..
One need to have a full
GCE 0 level and A level
certificate, and passes in
English, Maths and Physics..
I'm currently concentrating
on this 3 subjects..
I'm improving in maths,
my consistent grade is
A2 or A1 and of course
i'm aiming for A1..
My physics grade was good
initially but due to some
personal problems, i couldn't
cope and my grades dropped..
Now, i'm striving to 'up' my
grade to A1..
My dream means so much to me..
I can't sacrifice it for some
other unnecessary things..
I've set a goal..which is to put
everything aside and also,
after her birthday which is on
28th August, i'm never gonna use
the com until end of december..
i'll try my best..

Girls= Evil

Today, during english
lesson...our english
teacher, Mrs Ang,
asked our opinions
about this following
statement...
"Money is the root of
all evil.."
My friend came out with
something but he did
not tell the teacher about it
for he's afraid it might
offend the opposite gender..
Here it is:
Girls = money x time
Since time is money,
therefore:
Girls = money x money
= (money)^2
Since money is evil..
Hence, he concluded that:
Girls = Evil...
What is your opinion
about this??
Btw, no intention to
offend here...

...

I observed that she has been
running away...
I dunno why..but..
why run away or avoid someone
if that person isn't even
looking for you?
It doesn't make sense..
It's pretty hard to tell
my friends that our
relationship is nothing now.
cuz they will nvr believe me.
So if they see u, running away
the moment i'm within your range,
they'll laugh..
I'll be looking down on the floor
as i walk for i'm embarrassed.
Please, if u must, don't turn
yourself into a laughing stock..
I bear no grudge against u..when
i see u, and u see me,
i'm not, what u say it in malay,
"jeling"...
i'm just changing the direction
of where i'm looking...
cuz it makes me sad looking at u.
Have u ever cherished a relationship,
besides ur friendship?
And i know, a girl of 14yrs,
it's not really the time to
get into a relationship...
Also, you aren't matured enough..
though u look as though u are.
Hence, i'll treat this relationship
as puppy love..cuz one party
did not regard it seriously.
I hope one day, when you've
grown big, you'll understand
what is true love...whereby
no matter how bad times are,
both parties will still struggle
and strive to maintain and
keep the relationship going.
Btw, i really learned alot
from u...thanks alot ya??

a story of a cow...

In this story, the main character
is a cow...this story started since
2003 and it still continuing.
This cow has been walking along the
straight, narrow road..
There wasn't any ulterior
motive then.
As it walked, it suddenly saw
grassland...
It seemed to be so green that
they brightened up the cow's day.
The cow was also happy...
Then one day, the grass seemed
to taste different..
The cow was unhappy and left the
grass..
The grass kept growing but the
cow didn't realise.
It continued it's journey..
One day, the cow saw a
wheatfield which was quite greeny.
It began to eat the wheat...
The wheat grows, the cow eats..
Both were very happy.
It all happened so sudden..
and then in one swift...
the wheat refused to grow..
The cow waited and waited..
even wondering why the wheat
did not grow.
The day arrived when the wheat
proved that it didn't want
to grow for the cow to eat..
The cow was hurt, it was like
the samurai sword slashing
it's heart.
The cow now doesn't know what
to do..it's all alone..
It tried to confront the wheat
but the wheat did not even
say anything...
The cow felt remorsed for what
it has done to the grass..
It left the grass uneaten...let
rain pour on it instead of love..
In this never-ending journey,
the cow learns something...but
the cow did not even know what
it has learned...
It wishes to turn back but it's
too guilty for him....
He's sorry for what had
happened...

missin' you..

It's been a few months
since i last saw her.
I hardly see her now.
I just dunno, whether
she's running away frm me
or is it otherwise..
I've been separated from
her for too long a time.
I dunno if i'm still in her heart.
I can't bear being teased
by my friends but i just
tolerated cuz i din wana
ruin my friendships with them.
But hearing her name, her
face projected right in front
of me.
And all the sweet memories
we had together flashed
back vividly.
i've been sick these few days.
But i din wana express it to
my fellow frens cuz they
will feel bad abt it.
There are a thousand adjectives
of sorrows and pain in my smiles.
Imagine if she were to say that
she wants us to go our
separate ways.
I wonder what will my reactions be.
She's riveted in my heart.
It's so hard to remove it.
It's gonna take alot of
pain and sufferings.
I wana live my life with her.
But sometimes i've been thinking
if it is possible.
She just doesn't know if
i'm true to her.
She still doesn't realise it
after all i've done for her.
She thinks i'm just lusting.
Frankly, i'm not.
I've been serious all along
about this.
It took me a long time to
reach your heart.
I eliminated all the obstructions.
And finally, i reached my
destination.
I was so relieved when i
successfully confessed my
love to u.
And you made very happy
by replying the same.
That was the happiest
moments in my life...
Do you ever notice that
my life has cheered up,
my life has become brighter
with you by my side.
I didn't have the courage to
express it when i'm with you,
side by side.
Ever since the terrible thing
happened, my happiness was
snatched away.
I assume yours were snatched
away too rite?
I, myself didn't believe that
i've hurt u.
I didn't expect your friends
to tell you everything i told
them and i don't accuse them
of that.
(Sigh...)
You understand me the most.
Please don't tell me now you don't.

fading to nothing..

i'm not trying to
be crappy or
pessimists or paranoid
here..but based on
what i've gone thru,
soon after, we'll be
nothing to each other.
Question is, are u going
to accept that fact?
What are going to
do about it?
Just let it be?
The answers are all
in your heart..
It has always been u
in my mind n in my heart.
I don't wish to change that
unnecessarily.
But what about u?
What's in ur mind and heart?

disappointed..

I couldn't believe it..
When i asked u, sarcastically,
"What do u think is happening
in our relationship?"
And you said, "Erm..nth."
I mean, how could you say that?
It's so obvious that we din
get to interact with each other
often.
And you gave me an ans
as though you didn't care.
I'm ultimately disappointed,
not with you, but myself.
Cuz i didn't shower you with
enough love, perhaps.
As days pass by, my sufferings
become unbearable.
No one knows abt this, more than
i do.
That's why people think that i'm
not having problems cuz
i din express it in my
facial expression.
But this is where i express it,
all of them.
I'm reli suffering..i need someone
who could end this.
And the person who WILL end it,
is the person who caused it.
I'm not accusing u that u
started all this.
Only YOU can make me feel happy
once again..only you.
Only You can bring back the warmth
that has long been gone.
Please, i'm begging you...

why must u do this to me..

I'm reli hurt to know
that we actually had
alot of chance to meet
and talk things out.
U gave ur excuses.
U ignored me,
u avoid me...
Izit bcuz u already have
someone else? whom you'll
be most happy with.
If u do, i'll be very happy
for u but the pain will
take yrs to kill it.
Why must u do this to me?
Without reasons...
I did whatever i could to be
in contact with u.
But u just pretend as if
nothing happens.
This question is for u..
do u still wana continue
this relationship of ours?
Give me your ans the moment
u read this post.
Don't keep me waiting, cuz
it would reli make me damn angry,
aft everything you've done..!!

PORTUGAL WON !!!

My favourite team in
the world cup is
Portugal.
I've been supporting
Portugal since
Christiano Ronaldo
joined Man United and
has been playing in the
1st 11 for Portugal.
Last nite, Portugal
compete with England
to go to the semi-finals.
It's was 0 - 0 in the
90mins. And it was still
0 - 0 in the extra time.
I was really afraid tt
England might score.
But i was relieved when
it wasn't successful.
The penalty kick-out
was the one which
made me nervous.
I even perspired when
2 of Portugal's
players missed the penalty.
But Ricardo, their keeper
really saved the day.
He managed to save 3/4
of England's Penalty shots.
When it was time C.Ronaldo
to kick, I was praying
so hard tt he will score.
I knew that he's an
experienced player who
has nvr missed his penalty
kicks.
And YES!!! HE SCORED.
PORTUGAL MANAGED TO GO TO
THE SEMI-FINALS.
I was so happy, man...
I kept smiling..keke.

some feet exercise..

Yesterday, i played soccer
at the hall in front of
ali's block.
I'm supposedly asked to
come at 9 but i woke up
late but i din reli mind.
Coincidentally, my parents
were going to the market
at bukit batok.
So they gave me a ride.
As i reached, my frens saw
me and asked me to join them
cuz they're short of
one player.
'THEM' refers to Ali,
Farid, Chan.
We had to reform the team
cuz i just came.
Altogether, there were
4 teams of four.
My team won Alvin's team
and we will meet the other
team in Finals..Hehe.
Then Ali's team won
Farid's team.
We met Ali's team in the
Finals.
Farid's team and Alvin's
had to fight for the
3rd n 4th placing.
It was a tough match
but Farid's team was
uneasily defeated.
Our match started very
tensely. Haha.
It was as though we're
playing in a real
tournament.
We were panicking..
it was so fun, man...
At first, my team was leading.
I scored the first goal,
with a volley using my
left leg. Second was my teammate,
YaoJie who kicked an incoming ball
really hard and it went in.
Ali's team then equalised
due to some mistakes made by
our unexperienced goalkeeper.
It was 2 - 2.
The atmosphere was different.
Everyone was desperate to
score a goal to determine
the champion.
Our opponent found some
space and kicked the ball
right in between of my
keeper's legs.
I couldn't believe it.
I fell to my knees.
Thats the end of the tournament.
We lost..
I was pretty upset and angry
cuz my keeper made stupid mistakes.
But i calmed down mins later.
We played for abt 5hrs,
non-stop.
I could hardly walk cuz my
legs were painful.
I was tired, very tired.
I reached home and i had
a headache.
I recovered hours later.
I reli had fun playing soccer
there.

it's painful in here..

It's really painful here
in my heart, without her
by my side.
I didn't get the chance to
contact her.
I've been thinking of her
always..i can't help it.
It has been affecting my
studies. I can't pay 100%
attention to what the teacher
is teaching.
My mind would wonder elsewhere.
Can somebody help me?
Only her friends can help me.
Whenever i'm lonely,
i would think of her.
Even if i'm with my friends,
i'll think of her..
The reason i find love is
because i feel lonely.
Now, i feel more lonely
than ever..it's hurting me.
Sometimes it's bearable,
sometimes it's not.
What should i do?
Can a kind soul help me?
I'm having too many problems.
I love her so much..
but what happened, has
gone too far for me to
chase and catch it.

..

I guess this is the only
way i can express out.
And i'm sure you will
be able to read.
To be frank, i've had
enough stirring troubles
in your life.
I made it worse.
Your mum knows you've been
smsing me.
under these circumstances,
it's time for us to forget
each other.
Even if you have to destroy
the love, i encourage u
to DO IT..
There's no way out, wajihah.
It's pre-destined.
There's no opportunity
for us to meet, to talk..
i have no other choice,
this is my last resort.
I'm so sorry... ='(

thinkin of you always..

..took me some time
of my life to create
this mixture of many
elements.
I kinda got used to
photoshop.
N i'm familiar with it.
I even had to steal some
pics frm someone..hehe.
would like to apologize
for that.
Jangan marah hah..

15.06.2006

well, erm..today i had
history lesson, my
whole class.
We were only 1 and 1/2
chapters away and we've
finished the whole
history syllabus.
And of cuz, we finished it.
It was held in the auditorium
and we all got cold aft some time.
We asked Mr Singh tt we're cold.
He was, too..haha.
He din have his hp with him
at tt time so he borrowed my
friend's to call the G.O.
to increase the temp. of the
aircon.
We ended at approximately 12.
Tt was kinda early.
I walked frm sch to cashew rd
cuz we were playing soccer
in a condo.
that's where my fren lives.
Since it was early,
i walked there along with
sooraj and faiz.
Faiz lives in fajar so on the way,
he went home.
So me n sooraj walked to the condo.
We were so tired.
Arrived at the condo, we sat
down to rest.
All the express classes, ABC,
came and Mr Prakash too.
I was wearing a shoe, not meant
for soccer, so i had to take it out.
The ground was damn rough,
and it cut my foot.
I had blisters, many of them.
I can't even walk properly.
It was so painful u noe.
I had to limp, like handicap.
haiz..
no sms today,
everything was silent.
kept looking at my hp,
bt it was useless.
She can't sms nor call.
hp has been taken away
by her mum, like i've said
in the previous post.
It all happened so fast.
wish i could call her.
what to do..haiz..
suddenly, i miss her.
it's just one day we din
sms, it's like one yr to me.
i hope u'll retrieve ur hp soon.
i love u.

situation has worsened..

i realised smth since
i befriended her.
Bad things just happen
to her..haiz.
Phone bills went up,
sometimes her stuffs
are confiscated by her
protective parents.
She's always reprimanded.
and all the stuff.
I just can't stop sighing.
As the 'love' grows,
more problems arose.
I think we're nt meant
for each other.
It's like we're going against
fate.
All along, i thought u were
the one who would end my
misery, sadness, etc.
I want u to be the one.
Symptons have showed up
tt what i've been thinking
might nt be true.
I just dunno what to do.
Things tt i've planned,
and things tt we plan,
seem not to work at
the 11th hour.
I'm so sorry, wajihah.
For causing all the bloody
troubles in ur life.
I've worsened ur family ties.
i wana end all these once and
for all.
I wan u to lead a peaceful life.
the only way is,
......
to just forget abt each other.
haiz..
i nvr wanted to do this,
nvr intended to.
just wana tell u tt i'm
pretty upset and sad
writing this post.
I wish it nvr happened,
bt it did,
it just did.
haiz..

superman returns

yeah..superman is returning.
bt it's nt christopher reeves.
He's gone to hereafter.
One minute silence plz...

He's like the best person
hu could act as a superman.
bt wad a pity...
anyway, looking forward to this
superman returns movie.
here are some pics of the
new superman.

you people suck..

i haven't been happy
lately...nor was i sad.
I'm deeply stucked in
the middle of
happy and upset.
It's bcuz of everyone,
and everything that takes
place in my useless life.
Sometimes i wonder,
why was i born?
I noe this is religious matter,
i can't change tt.
My mum said tt,
ppl who are born in the month
of june are usually,
stubborn, bad, and all those
negative properties...
Maybe that explains my character.
I've been trying to change tt
destiny..
been trying reli hard.
I'm all to myself now.
no one's guiding me.
It's me, alone..
I have to determine my own
future, my life...
one wrong step, n
it's all f@#$^% over.
sometimes i feel that
i suck...i just duno why.
i would like to say..
i'm sorry, people..
if i'm hard or harsh on u guys.
I noe i'm a sensitive person,
one wrong word frm u can
change me..totally.
U people will turn cold
towards me aft tt.
u people will start to hate me,
will start to avoid me,
will stop caring for me,
will stop loving me,
will LEAVE ME.
THIS RELI SUCKS!!!!!!
I'm a spoilt child..
haiz..
so stay away frm me if
you want...
this goes to everyone.
i'm all alone now.
I dun need anyone.
I'll just die on no one's arms.

just a sigh to me...

I guess i'm the
black sheep of the
family.
If anyone among my
siblings incl me were to
be scolded,
i would be the one hu
would receive maximum.
Just bcuz i came home
late frm my fren's house,
last sat...my mum began to have
the cold shoulder towards me.
I dun exist to her..
sometimes i feel sad,
terribly..n i shouldn't have
fought back her words.
I know i was rude to her.
Just a lil info abt myself,
i will fight for what's right..
that's my character..
so i will fight back, be it using
words or anything...
Haiz...
Whatever she does,
she's still my mum..
i can't do anything.
What can i possibly do
to ease her?
I've been keeping to myself
lately cuz i dn wana
add oil to the hot fire.
I hope she forgives me..:(

Now, my sweetie is not
in s'pore..
she is the one hu would
be by my side in times
of problems...
She would make me happy,
make me smile..n ease my mind.
She's gone to kl with her family
for 5 days or later..
I just miss her..haiz..
there's no one in this world
hu has ever cared so much
for me, except her..
tt's why sometimes, she's
my sister and my fren..
Love has grown in m heart.
I hope tt love lasts till
i've reached my goal of life.
I wan to be with her all my life.
I noe it's very embarrassing
for a guy to weep..
cuz guy is supposed to be
the tough ones..
bt to me, guys have the
soft part too...n i'm
the emotional type.
I dunno what will be of me
if i hadn't met her..
Thanks alot, Allah...
for meeting me with
such a wonderful girl.
I'll nt do anything stupid that
is hated by Him.
I'll take good care of her n
will never disappoint her.