You'll be the princess
and i'll be the prince

Just how much longer can your arrogance last?

that is just wow

I have to blog about this. I'm really pissed off with myself. I just lack the courage. She took the same bus as me when i was going home just now. She found a seat and there was an empty seat beside her and it happened that i was moving towards that seat. I just couldn't pluck up the courage to sit rest my ass on that seat right next to her. My heart was already beating superbly fast when i was walking pass her in the bus. Imagine if i would have grabbed that seat, i bet my chest would burst due to the high-amplitude oscillation underneath. It was a chance, which obviously i should have taken. There was no other reason why i could not take that f-ing chance. I'm just a coward son of a gun. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad i was able to see her today. As usual, she's as sweet as ever. Her innocent looks mesmerized and hypnotised me totally. I noticed something different about her appearance today. Her hair seems to be shiny black. It didn't look like the ordinary and natural black. So i guess she blackened her hair during the break or something. I no longer see the partially brown ponytail. Anyway, compulsary night study is back. That was the first f-ing announcement i heard the moment i stepped into the school. I'm neutrally alright with the re-commendment of the night study programme but for the compulsary ones, f-ing no. I just don't like it. I could imagine myself not staying back for most of them and my CT approaching me for reasons for not doing so. Sigh. Back to square one, i think. Nevermind, i shouldn't release my temper as it's still the fasting month so i have to learn to control my feelings and emotions. I hope i could still do that after this month.

still not convincing, man utd

I'm no longer being lingered by the burden. Ticket is bought. Yeah!

_pieces don't fit anymore - james morrison

My crush for her is fading away..


_crush - david archuleta

You may feel that you're not perfect
But deep inside, i know you're perfect.

Man, i just can't wait for them to come to Singapore.


_afterlife - avenged sevenfold

Oh my god, these pictures are really classic. 07S29.

I guess there's no use in trying
when the pieces don't fit anymore

how can i move on when i'm still in love with you

I really miss her. I managed to chat with her, for 2 straight hours last night. The feeling was great. It's really been a long time since i last talked to her so cheerfully. I can't help smiling at every text she typed. To be honest, it was 3 years since we parted. She's found her one and i've yet to find mine. I guess i'll never, at least not now. Sigh, how i wish there is still chance for us.

Anyway, Avenged Sevenfold is visiting us in October. To all their fans, for more information on the ticket pricings, etc, click here.

Tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
A girl like you is impossible to find

Man Utd seriously need to get back their form and style of playing. I feel kinda sad for Berbatov though. He did not manage to show what he is good at. But no worries, maybe this season is not theirs. What matters most to us fans is that they maintain their consistency. We are really looking forward to the day when Ronaldo enters the pitch and the whole team would be groomed with confidence once again and the Man Utd fans start to roar.

Gosh, i think i'm beginning to feel her as a necessity. No, that can't happen.

The key to success to beat your own records and make sure keep beating them. This means to say that you should compete with your ownself, your own grades, and make sure for every test or examination, you'll get higher than your previous grade. It does not stop here, you should consistently beat your new records until you arrive at a point of time when you realize that you have subconsciously overtaken the rest. That is when you would feel the endless satisfaction you've never felt before in your whole life.

I'm starting to feel a twitch of confidence. I know it has never gone back on me. I can do it.

Nothing felt worse than being fucked up. I don't feel okay today. Something was just wrong. I'm emotionally unstable, i can't control my emotions from being leaked out. It felt as if i was perturbed over something but, what the fuck is it? Furthermore, today was really fucked. It all started during my break, i was dealt with a hard blow. Then in class, i uncontrollably screamed out each and every bit of my feelings with just 2 words: fuck off!!! Besides that, i was even being sounded by the GP **tch, for not attending the fuckin' night class, when i already opted for a change. I already told you that i wanted to change, and i don't recall you fuckin' tell me to seek her approval about it when she already told me to seek yours. Just what the fuck is this? And do you think being emo is something which is called for? Do you think that if you can be emo whenever you feel like? Let me tell you something. You're fucked up. There is a lot more than just being quiet and keeping to yourself. That's that.

The Dream

I just woke up from my sleep a few minutes ago and i've decided to post this. When i woke up, i realized that my eyes were wet, as if i had been crying. So here's what happened. I was in a strange place. I could see a wide field, full of small kids and some adults. And the small kids were practising with their bow and arrow? It's kinda random so i can't link them. Then everybody started running so i followed suit. While i was running, a kid beside me asked if the tree is firm. I was speechless for a moment(who wouldn't be) and then i told him the answer about how the tree is firm due to the deep roots. And then, i have no idea how, the kid told an older person(seems like my dad) that i was looking for someone, my ex-girlfriend. I was like, 'HUH! I didn't say that.' Soon, i arrived at some sort of a village, i could see cottages. I came across one, looked at my reflection through the window of one of the cottages and suddenly an old lady came out: my grandmother. She asked why i'm feeling sad and down. Of course, i said i wasn't. But she somehow knew that i have been feeling sad and she invited me in. I sat down and started crying. '????'. So i was crying about my mum? She has been sick and on bed for quite a while. I haven't been taking good care of her. My grandmother consoled me and poof! I was awake. And had tears in my eyes, some were dripping down my cheeks. So, i was crying both in my dreams and also in the real world?

A cute encounter
I was with jingyi at the mac at CWP. There was a lil girl of age between 2 to 4 beside us. I had nothing to do so i decided to blink and smile at the girl. I expected her to look away but instead, she mimicked me. The same actions. I thought it was only a random thing by her. So i told jingyi and showed her. She mimicked again. The thing is, she was damn smart. Very very, too smart. And furthermore, when her mum was far away from her, instead of shouting 'Mummy!', she called her mum by making the whistling sound that guys typically do to attract girls: wee-weet. Haha. I was laughing all the way(silently). I reckon she would be a very smart and intelligent girl when she grows up. =)

Jingyi is just an extraordinary girl. I still can't believe i keep losing when it comes to eating ie. finishing meal in the least possible time. Haha. No offence uh.

I despise the fact that i have to put on a mask before i lift my feet across the doorstep.

Some people say, you will undergo failure to succeed. I wonder if this is even applicable in my case.

I received a double blow today. First of all, i've disappointed my parents. They came for a meeting with my teacher today, and everything was one hell of a screw up. Tried my very best to hide the emo feeling from my friends to avoid any unnecessary commotion. I've never shed a single tear until today. I thought i was the saddest man on the planet right now. Then, i reached home and received a letter from air force. I won't receive the letter if i'm accepted of the post. So you get what i mean. Like i mentioned in my previous posts, journey to my dream always end in the middle of the path and it just did. I just can't think of any alternative right now. I've never thought of any before. I've disappointed my parents, and my friends who gave me incessant support and encouragement to become a pilot, and not to forget, i've disappointed myself totally. Now, i have every fuckin' reason to be emo. I guess it's time for me to remove the badge. I'm terribly sorry i've let all of you down.

I'm really feeling scared as the days progress. I don't know whether i'll be accepted by the military and be sent for training overseas after my basic training. To be certain, i would very much like that to happen. I'm certain of every decision i make, it will lead to where i want it to be. But sometimes, it's not in your hands. It's in THEIR hands. Argh! I guess i'm the only person in this world who is experiencing the highest degree of the word 'SCARED'. I've never been so timid like this before.

probably getting a new bag next week..

i've brought pain ever since..to myself and to them. I don't think i can hold on much longer. My friends from polytecnic are doing way better than me. And i seem to progress much slowly. I just wanna be free from this torture chamber.

"If you can't hold on, let it go and come back in your heart.
And if you can't hold on, maybe it's not time for you
But if you can't hold on, on your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through"

So far, i've been successful in aligning myself with the path of my dreams. But something has been consistently happening. I've never went pass the centrepoint of the journey. I will be blown by strong sudden wind that pushes me away from the path. It has happened twice. And i'm afraid that it might happen for the third time. I feel that i did relatively bad for the compass test. It's just my feeling. But i need to keep a positive mindset and that whatever the outcome, has its reasons. God obviously wants to prove something to us, whenever we fail in achieving something. And it's up to us to find the answers to our questions.

The aptitude test is nearing. I don't know how to get myself prepared besides having an early sleep. I've been with my flight simulator since. Hope it'd be of a great help on the day itself. Man, i'm really really nervous. There's no other word to describe how i feel. It's a pilot test, mind you. I have to do it well and be shortlisted for an interview. Argh! This means that i'll not come to school this wednesday. And considering whether i should come back to school for the econs lecture. I've set a mentality that i'd not skip any additional lessons cause A levels is nearing and i'm still not getting that quality grades. I pity S29 as a whole including me. We have been among the lowest since last year. We are determined to be the best, at least the most improved class. So God, i pray that you wish us all the best. And also, i pray that i'd do above average for the aptitude test. Amin.

I have every reason to be emo..

Why do different people of different religions see various kind of ghosts? For example, the christians, if they are fortunate enough, they would see ghosts in the form of spirits lurking around their neighbourhood. For muslims, we would see ghosts such as pochong, a ghost which hops in small steps and also covered with white cloth that is used to wrap a corpse prior to their burial. As for the chinese people(i don't know how many religions they have), they would see ghosts, also like the pochong, but the ghost wears a hat and a chinese suit i think. Whatever it is, what does this mean? Doesn't the word 'ghost' carry only one definition? A wandering spirit? So who is right? Or neither is right. And that there is no such thing as ghost. It only has something to do with the situation at that point of time and how vulnerable your imaginations can get. Others who don't believe in ghosts believe in them when they get to see them right in front of their eyes. Why do those ghosts appear in front of them only when they ask for it? So give yourself some time to sit down and ponder this. Ghosts..do they really exist?

this is just way too cool

My GC was stolen today, in the mosque. This increasing trend of theft cases is really annoying to people who go to mosque with peace and sincerity hoping that nothing bad will happen to them. A good example is me. An essential and something that plays a big part of me has just been stolen by some fuckers whom instead of praying with the group, they sneaked and opened people's belongings and grab whatever they see appealing. They would even grab the whole bag or sandals. This people are ruthless and i don't think they are even afraid of the consequences of what they're doing. I don't even think they know the concepts of ISLAM well. They even dare to steal in the holy vicinity. FUCK THEM! Curse them over and over again.

Finished my last paper today: Physics. I find that paper 2 was quite okay and i could pass it. However, paper 1 was a menace. And i felt there is something wrong with the duration. I didn't get to think through all the questions let alone finishing it. I find that the time was too short. What the hell. Everyone was like moaning and groaning about it.

It'll be my last subject later. Physics it is. It is the last paper. So many people would give all their best, mug for the entire day, etc. For the first time, i suddenly feel unmotivated to do all those. Maybe because of the previous papers that i did. Especially math. The questions looked damn easy but when you start writing on the paper, you'll be thinking over and over again why you can't get it right. This is math in JC. You will use 5 times more paper than you use in secondary school. I'd like to get it over with and start preparations for A level. I can do it, i know i can.

I've been practising my landing with a cessna. I've tried flying the military aircrafts and boy, those mechanical birds are easy to takeoff and bank at extraordinary angles but exceptionally difficult to land it, especially at the ideal velocity as you approach the runway. Never mind, i will get the hang of it as i keep practise.

I received a letter from RSAF few days ago. I was really anxious upon opening it because it could be that my application wasn't successful. And i was in fact being asked to sit for the COMPASS(Computerised Aptitude Selection System) test. The aim of the test is to test your basic understanding of coordinates, direction(whether you can determine your left and right at different perspectives) and also your hand and leg coordination and most importantly, your IQ. I was so relieved to even get this letter. This is a chance that is only going to come by once in a lifetime. I've been given a chance, and i should not waste it. I pray that i'd do above average for this test. Thank you God and also RSAF.

FAILED
I've failed today. I am supposed to spend a maximum of 3.50 today but temptations ran wild and i spent 6 bucks to be exact, in kfc. Not only that, i was about to go home when the rest called me up to catch a movie. I refused but my friend urged me to go and i felt bad to resist them and hence i went. I ended up loaning 7 bucks from weicheng. Damn it. Now, i'm left with 2 bucks. Let's see what i can do with it this.

I just got this week's allowance. And guess what, it's all gone now. It's all gone to the economy, just like that. Here's what i spent on today. Basically 10 bucks on food and beverages. And 55 bucks on a bloody joystick. And 6 bucks on topping up of ezlink card. Moreover, i wasted my precious time. I spent 2 hours going to BPP, lot 1 and causeway point just to search for a joystick. What pissed me off was, it has become exceptionally difficult to find even the most simplest joystick, i mean the buttons, etc. Even PC ZONE from all 3 shopping malls, don't sell it. I went from shop to shop asking whether they have joysticks on sale and a bloody NO was their answers. I fancied one when i last went to causeway point which was a month ago? And when i went there today, it was gone. I just don't know what these shops are up to. Sickening. To sum it all up, i have approximately 7 bucks left for this week. I have to go school tmr and thursday. So that means 3.50 for each. Can i make it?
I have no choice but to be a bit of a miser now. Everything seems to be going up: price. Economy is experiencing inflation and we consumers are adversely affected, no doubt. So we have to change the way we spent our money. That's what i'm going to do. I will never gonna spend on unnecessary items that can't benefit me. At least for the joystick, i can practise my flying skills. So to all of you out there, it's time to save. Inflation rates are going up, but no worries, interest rates are going up too. For every 100 bucks you deposit into your bank account, maybe you'll gain more from it now.

I can't believe i've been waking up late for the past few days. I've been waking up at 2 plus in the afternoon, simply because of Euro 2008. Now, the matches are getting more exciting. What should I do? If i keep waking up late, it may be a habit and i may end up waking up super late for my papers next week. The hours that i have from morning to afternoon, can be well utilised by studying and revising for the mid year exam. And there is limited time left. Something has to be forgone. Opportunity cost is incurred.

She has been a sweetener to my eyes since i first know her last year. I go to school and i will start looking for her. She gives me the motivation. Despite the comments by my friends, usually displeasing, i still hold my interest in her. She's my engine. She is the one who keeps me moving, and keep moving. I guess this crush is getting stronger and i seriously hope it would not be so strong that it would be hard for me to forget her after JC. I know, it's utterly and let me emphasize, IMPOSSIBLE to get her as my partner. Of course, i really really really wish she could be mine. However there are thousands of factors and reasons why it is not ideal for us to be together. I was on my way back home in the bus just now. I didn't notice she was in the bus as well. She even walked past me to get to the seat which happened to be behind mine. Until it was time for me to alight, i didn't really look at her but i could see that it was her from the profile of her. And her head was tilted at an angle such that she was looking at me. I am positive of that. I should have looked at her and smiled. This chance will not come by very often. And i just missed it. Sigh.

Hello! The moment has come. For me to legal. I'm 18. That means, i can have SEX!!! Haha. No worries people, i'm just kidding. It is a brand new start for me as i'm progressing up the maturity level. And i guess the first thing i'm gonna do is to register for the basic theory test. Driving licence, yo. I'm going get it over with as soon as possible so that i can drive my dad's car to school during A levels. Haha. It is deemed to be impossible. Anyway, i would like to thank those who bothered to send me an sms comprising of a birthday wish. Thanks a lot. You guys have a good day.

Dude, you just pissed the fuckin' hell off me, you hear that!!???

Gosh, what have i been doing for the past few days? Simply, NOTHING!!! I didn't even study. Actually, i wanted to but whenever i was about to take my notes, it's where the distraction comes in: Laptop, tv, etc. I gotta start revising now. So what subject am i going to start on? Maybe math. Ok, then it'll be math.

I just went for the medical today. Many people expected me to get PES A. But guess what, I got PES B. You know why? Simply because "i give you PES B, because you're a bit skinny", said the doctor-in-charge. I was like, what the hell!? I was doing perfectly fine for the other medical stations and just because of one factor that could be changed over time, i was given PES B? Well, you see, this weight issue can be solved over time. That's because, it's already in our genes. Just like my father, he was underweight when he was at my age. But the moment he reach the 20s or 30s, his weight totally blasted up to an extent that it's within the acceptable weight range. Maybe that's what i'm going to encounter in the future. I can't be given PES B just because i'm underweight. I assure you that i'm able to perform any combat operations and weight is not an issue here. I'm not saying that i'm very capable of doing everything, neither am i self-praising. I consulted my friend and he said that we can request for a change of PES status which i'm not so certain about. God!!! I realise that your PES status is only determined by the doctor in the 2nd last station of the whole medical assessment. So no matter how well you perform in the other medical stations, it's up to that particular person.

I was invited to play street soccer with my fellow secondary friends tonight. It felt really great because it was a reunion and i was glad upon seeing them. The moment i stepped into the court, it was already time for us to leave the court simply because someone else had booked the court. We then decided to make our way to the street soccer court in Pending. We expected to see some 'ah-bengs' there and we were right. And it seemed that it was fun playing with them after all. Despite the strong body contacts made, i managed to get into their game and boost up my body for contacts with them. I think playing with them would be of a great value to me. However, what i'm displeased with was my unsatisfying performance. I just couldn't do anything whenever i have the ball in possession, and i lost some of it too. Maybe because it's been a long time since i last played within a restricted compound with walls surrounding. Anyway, glad to see you guys again.

CONGRATS TO MAN UNITED FOR CLINCHING THE 10TH PREMIERSHIP TITLE

Damn..i'm damn broke this week. Have been using a lot of cash. Class tee, math olympiad registration, new canvas shoe, class fund, debt. And in the end, i have almost no cash for my food and drinks for the next 2 days. I'm sure i'm gonna starve which i'm certain i can't hold on that long. Sure i have to borrow money again. I can't ask from my parents already because they have given me the money meant for class fund. So i don't wish to disturb them already. Sigh. Now, there's only one last thing to get. A new bag. I just wanna find a rather cheap, durable and desirable bag for myself and i guess i've found one. Maybe i'll buy it next week or the week after. I'm starting to feel like a girl: SHOPPING. I gotta refrain myself from abusing cash and instead save it for future use. Okay, after getting my bag, i'll not spend SO MUCH on unnecessary stuffs.

I'm uncertain whether she's still mad at me. Well, i can say i did my part to at least initiate an apology. It's up to her to accept it. Even though she doesn't accept it, it's okay. It doesn't even matter anyway. We're both people of different worlds. What happens at that vicinity doesn't affect anything here. Anyway, just cheer up.

Don't worry people, the upcoming contenders won't be that easy for them. Keep boosting that hope and stay optimistic.

The moment i enter the vicinity, i would feast my eyes on you. For you give me the fuel to to keep my wheels goin'.

bla..bla..bla.. After suntec city, we decided to visit the nearby memorial of those deceased during the japanese occupation. And took pictures that depict the CBD.

I was staring blankly into space. This time, i didn't intend to look for her. All of a sudden, she walks by. Cutting through the normal of my eye's projection. She was like wanted me to look. Thus i looked at her. And she smiled. And i gave her one too. =)

I've have been granted a reprieve. So do my friends.

Sorry for the fake accent. Hehe.

Man, i didn't clear my common test. In other words, i didn't satisfy the criteria: 3 H2 passes or 2 H2 & 1 H1 passes. I only have 2 H2 passes. God, what is happening? My parents would definitely have to come down for the bloody 'interview'. Thing is, i don't know whether it's the HOD or CT or ST. But i have indeed showed some improvements, i admit that. So it seems that i'm on my way to my goal.

My friends invited me for soccer today. They said we were playing in some cage. So i thought we'll be going to kallang but we actually went to east coast: FUTSAL. There were 4 teams including us where most of our opponents were adults. It was a group table 'tournament'. Their body contacts were as if they were playing rugby. We were intimidated just by watching them play. Ali almost wanted to go home. Haha. But we just gotta take this opportunity and gain some experience. Honestly, it was my first time playing on synthetic ground and so, there were a couple of times when we slipped. Besides that, i found it hard to kick in our intended direction. I just don't know why. I used the similar technique which i have been using in school, and it turned out to be useless on synthetic ground. People were pushing very hard and 'ramming' everywhere. But we managed to pull through all the matches. Though we won 1 and lost 2 matches. The scores of matches which we lost were not that far too. And i managed to score 2. Hehe. You can't imagine how hard it is to score even a goal. Everyone was playing very fast, trust me. Once you have the ball in possession, you only have seconds to think of what to do with the ball. Else, you'll be humped. I became tired even before the first match ends. Surprisingly, we managed to clinch the bronze award for being the 3rd on the table. This is something we should be proud of because our team is only made up of teenagers below the age of 20. Nevertheless, it was really an honour to play with those adults. There was sportsmanship. I really look forward to playing with them again.

I promise myself to tell you the truth after it ends

I just miss that sweet voice of yours calling my name. I guess it's my fault for not appreciating you when you were always by my side back then. Perhaps, i can't change that now. Perhaps, i won't be able to hear you call my name again.

I cleared my H2 physics. Yeah!

Today is simply a satisfying day for me. I just got back my physics paper 1 and i got 12/20. Phew. It was really that bad for me but fortunately, i passed and this can help me because if paper 2 i did slightly bad, paper 1 can pull me up. I'm getting back my paper 2 tomorrow and i'm so anxious about it now. I passed math and the murderer subject, econs i didn't. I hope i can pass physics and also my geog because i don't want my parents to waste their time on meeting sessions. It is so troublesome, man. Another satisfying thing also happened today late after school. I managed to master kong vault. It's okay if you don't know what it is but it really felt good being able to master it. Any railing that i could find, i would leap over it with various vaults. Parkour. Oh, it's just a cool art.

I will wait for you, no matter what.

I hate everything !!!

You never treat me as one of your true pals. You always forget our plans for the day. Negligence is the only word i can think of right now. I guess it's true that what others have been saying about life, it's all true. Look at what's present. Don't bother about the people you know in the past.

Do i smell FEAR? What would you have done if those steps and the rail were hot molten rock(lava) and there's nothing you can use as a mean of transporting you to the foot of those steps? The only thing to do is basically run down the wall on the right. Or just jump down those 20 steps. That is what i've been wanting to accomplish. I'm going to jump with skill and precision and objective is to land at the foot of those steps, unhurt, unFEARed, with a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. TRACEUR.

I have no idea why i have been missing YFC152. It's the course/class that i was admitted to during my days in youth flying club. Sigh. I really miss the people there, my friends, the admin aunties, my instructors, the planes and simulator room. Why did i have to choose to leave early? I could have convinced my instructor that i was able to move on and that it won't affect my promotional results. I could have flown my first solo. As days pass by, my commitment also fades with time. Also, i've been trying to find a simulation software that suits what i like. Maybe combat? If i can't find any, civilian simulation would do. I also miss speaking on the telecom, like real qualified pilots that is. It was really cool and i could understand the pain of memorizing what you have to say to the people in the tower. I always say i want good grades for my A levels but how long can i say this? I keep procrastinating. Shithole, man. I just want to get admitted to the air force and undergo 2++ years of training in US and australia, or france. I just want to sit in the cockpit again.

I can't get you out of my mind..

March holiday is here. For some people, this may be their time to have fun, to hang out with friends, to play battlefield in the LAN shop, to go jamming, basically to have fun. But for me, the fun that i'm gonna get is limited and is rather redundant. Because most of the time will be spent on revising, studying and discussing with my friends regarding subject issues. Common test is just this coming week but it will only take up 3 days of the week: Monday, tuesday and wednesday. That is so freaking cool, man. And school will then resume the next tuesday. I'm going to take that remaining days to cool myself down and just relax my mind.

Hanging out with my band is really stress-relieving. It somehow makes me free. It also feels great being with them. We can just joke around, being racist for a moment. But that's not our intention, we're just playing around. I guess today was the best jamm i've ever had for this year, probably because it was the first jamm this year. And guess what, i screamed today. It really felt great and i think that it was quite a good and nice scream. I was even being complimented by the hardcore sreamo, haha. I don't think we can jamm like this often this year since A levels is around the corner. But i hope we will be able to go further after A levels. Boycotted rocks on..

I just couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the grade on my result slip. I was really shocked. It was really unpredictable. It's not what i've been expecting. I expected better. Instead of improving, it was the opposite. What the hell happened? Also filled with sadness, i couldn't focus on the things i do after obtaining my result slip. I was really in another world. It was just the worst grade of that subject of my entire school life. Sigh. This is a gauge as to how i will do my common test, mid year, prelims and also the A levels. If I can't even get a good grade for a subject that you don't even need to study that much or memorize long-winded definitions and formulas, how would i be able to get distinctions for the rest of my subjects? I'm absolutely worried right now, even scared. My econs and geog, and GP. Gosh, how will i be able to get these over with. I want to pass everything for common test. I don't wish to fail anymore. I've had enough of feeling down. I want to see grades that make me smile, flashing my teeth. I feel that this is the moment that determines where i'll be and what i am 10 or 20 years later. I want to be what i've been wanting to be. Oh God, please clear all my obstacles away. Grant me a peace of mind.

Here's what I think. There's no way a person can escape from a detention barrack especially if that person poses a big threat to the society and particularly the country. The strongest, fittest and smartest soldiers would be assigned to make sure this person doesn't get out of hands. Okay, if the security is tight, and it's damn tight, how on earth can this guy escape unnoticed? And does anybody know how long did they take to realise that this guy is gone? My family kinda had a discussion about this issue. And my mum felt that it must have been the works of supernatural means like you know, black magic? I'd say i could agree with it. That's because Indon is quite professional in these kind of stuff, and it's not a good thing you know.

Why did he coincidentally escape on the day his family was visiting him? So my mum felt that his family must have brought the 'stuff' from their homeland. This 'stuff' has many purposes and besides that, there are many 'stuffs' in this 'stuff'. One of its uses is when doing business. It sorts of pull customers in and thus, increase their earnings exceptionally. Another use of it is to divert people's attention away and it sort of, creates hallucinations for people such that in this case, this captive doesn't even exist and is invisible to the soldiers. Now, how long does it take for the soldiers to notice that he's gone? If it's within 1 hour, 2 hour or 3 hours, this black magic stuff cannot be applied in this case. Because, this guy would definitely want to be out of the country so badly. So we all assume that he is still here, in s'pore. Why is it that he is still not found? Is he dead out of starvation? or is he still in the woods? Does he have any communication gadgets to contact his disciples or members? If not for this supernatural means, another possibility is relating to the soldiers directly? Bribery by fellow members of that guy? Or maybe one of the soldiers' family has been observed, approached and threatened to be harmed? I don't know. This is just my probabilities? What about you? What do you think?

So cross country is now over. I actually planned to walk throughout and i also felt different today. I felt that i couldn't perform. As the sound of the horn is being heard, the whole LOT started to run, while some walked. I suddenly felt like running but peer pressure man. My friends kept calling me back to walk with them. And lucky there's Allen, the most enthusiastic one. Rajesh was too, but he had to tie his shoelace along the way, and lost track with us. Allen, i think, was a good runner but he lacks the endurance to keep thinking of his destination and just focus on getting there, not bearing in mind the pain of stitches and ankle exertion. I managed to pass that test. For the past few runs during PE, i stopped running halfway, for once in 5 years. I couldn't pass the endurance test. But i'm glad i did today.

I had a series of injuries today. First, i was so vexed over a soccer match i played after the run that i kicked the pole of the goalpost. I kicked it hardly. I couldn't feel any pain at that time but once i stopped playing, it really hurts but it's worse right now. Second, during my 'fitness' which i used to define parkour training. I'm going to make the fitness corner my playground and soon, the other parts of the school. I have been observing possible obstacles whenever i walk around the school and found plenty. But i usually do my 'fitness' when not many people are around. Today, i did a couple of new vaults. It felt really great being able to move like a monkey, cat and also kong. However today, i jumped up high and landed wrongly on my ankle. Ouch..then, when i rolled, i hurt my right back of the shoulder. Gosh, but i don't regret having these injuries, it's part and parcel of learning parkour.

Lastly, i would like to remind all the innocent people out there, that this land is no longer safe. Someone is on the loose. So be sure to keep an alert mind. Try not to stay out late. Let's all pray to our God(s) that this someone will get nabbed soon. Please, fulfil our wish.

So what's the issue?

Well, i guess, the question is, who is the more sensitive one? I have a very different way of defining 'sensitive' and 'emo'. Being sensitive is being vulnerable to what other people say or talk about you or anyone else or anything. Being emo is basically being emotional, to have the feeling of sadness and sorrow in your heart. But let's not talk about emo. Let's talk about sensitive. Being offended by the other party, though they're not referring to you, that is being sensitive. Sometimes, you can get carried away with that and become oversensitive about it. For an example, you talked to your friend and he/she doesn't reply or shall i say, give a damn about what you're talking and just keep mum, you then lost patience and put on a cold shoulder and send unnecessary message(s) of insults with obscene languages. That's so, very, really uncivilised dude. We're singaporeans, man. What's with sending it and then not replying it when your own thing is being replied? Do i smell fear or what the chinese say, 'hamchi'? Isn't it better to just settle the score once and for all? Before making any decisions to put on a cold shoulder, do bear in mind and at least try to think what that someone is going through. If you have a feud, try not to drag it along as the day progresses. It will turn to HATE, then to VENGEANCE, then to VIOLENCE, and then you're gonna get a stinking record in your testimonial or whatsoever or worse, land yourself behind bars. Gosh, that would be terrible, man. So dude, settle it, will you?

Parkour

Around 5+ today, when there weren't many people present, when all have gone home, i decided to make a video of my own, of me running freely. Of course, i'm a novice in this art and hence, most of the moves are not precised and professional. But there was definitely effort being put in. Hehe. Enjoy.

Air Show 08

Oh man, i want so badly to go to the airshow but the thing is, i don't even know if the tickets are sold out. On the other hand, there is nobody to go with. I have no problem going there on my own but i would definitely feel lost and there's nobody to get lost with. I don't the mind the cost of the ticket 20 bucks, it's inelastic to me. I just wish to see the F-16s in action, showing off their top speed and manoeuvres. Gosh, i can't wait for it. It's opened for public on 23rd and 24th of february. It's just a week down ahead. Sigh, i want to go!!!

Just shut the hell up

Another frustrating and heart-aching day yet again. I know how and in what way i will study. I have my ways okay? So don't try to tell me how to study. Your way might turn out to be a hell for me. I don't intend to tell you to fuck off because i understand you have never been through this. But at least, be more understanding, will you? Give me some support. This one's done. Let's get to another story shall we? Now, here's what fucks me up. I've done a lot of things for you. I try to be one that cares. In fact, i care for you. You're like a sister to me, do you fuckin' know that? At least, some gratitude would do. But there's nothing except monotonous replies for every question that i ask. What the fuck is that all about huh? I don't know why i felt this way. I just feel like telling you to FUCK OFF !!! That's right, fuck off. At least this is enough for my suffering. You know what, hope we'll not meet again alright? I think that's a good idea. I would like that. Now, i feel good. And i guess i won't be able to kick this habit of saying 'FUCKIN' words now that a lot of things are beginning to piss me off, big time. And one last thing, to those of you out there, who think that i'm referring to you, don't get too sensitive alright? This is not a place for you.

...

I've always need a time of my own. Where i can think everything through. Reflect on the things that i've done wrong. It doesn't mean that i don't care for you. If I could, i'll be there. I never thought I'd need you whenever i'm emotionally in pain. I'm sorry i didn't treasure you. Treasure you as if there's no tomorrow for us. And now, there really isn't any tomorrow for us anymore. Remorsed. Nothing can change that.

CHANGE

I feel that it's time for me to make changes to some of the things that i normally do everyday.

1. Reduce expenditure on food and drinks and other stuff
2. Refrain myself using the vulgarities that i usually use such as FUCK!!! (woah, it makes me feel good though)
3. Refrain from being too sensitive which can be defined as being EMO
4. Utilise any free time in school on revision, studying, and anything useful

But i do want some things..

1. Flight simulator (Combat and Civilian): costs about 50 bucks each
2. Joystick: between 50 and 20 bucks
3. 5MP webcam: 44 bucks

...

What on earth is happening to me? I've been having stomach aches and pains for the past few days. It usually happened in school or outside of home, which i hate the most. Is this a sign or something? A sign that i've been eating junk food and unhealthy food? Oh gosh, sometimes it's just unbearable. Doc, help me!! My dad bought me pineapple juice as it would help in some ways, according to him. But i guess not. I had more stomach pains after that. Argh!!! Somebody save me..

Friendship Day

To all my eyecandies, happy friendship day!!! Hehe..

SPA's over

Gosh, i'm so relieved that SPA skill CD is actually over. I was nervous during econs lecture. My friends were all memorising the errors and improvements section. That adds to my anxiety. However, upon reaching the lab and had myself sitted down, the atmosphere changed. I suddenly had the confidence in doing it. I was like, alright man. I thought the question was not that bad. It was do-able. I managed to complete 4 errors and improvements within 15 mins. I rushed as i wrote. Lucky, Mr Tan gave us extra time to finish off what we were writing. I hope i'll not only pass but at least get a B or A grade. Yay!!! It's time to divert my attention to the upcoming common test. I'll show that i'm ready for A levels.

I still feel bad about what i said to her yesterday. It just slipped off from my mouth. Gosh, how can i be so careless!!! I'm so so sorry. I really didn't mean it. I can't imagine how it feels like to live without that someone. If you read this, don't tag about it okay? You will know why. Cheer up okay?

..Proven wrong

After chatting with her for just once, i think i can already prove my friend wrong. So what has he proven? Well, he said that she's a bitch. I asked him why, he then told me to check out her friendster. And so i did. I browsed through her pictures. And i'm kinda, WOW!! She's quite a hottie. In fact, she's more of a hottie in person. But her smiles kinda spoils a part of her. So upon that, i added her as a friend and she accepted it. That's quite fast you know, because like other girls, they would hesitate to add and ask all sorts of questions before adding such as, "Do i know you?". Of course you don't. That's what friendster is for. To make friends. Anyway, back to this. I realised that she's an Arsenal fan. I was flabbergasted. So i decided to tease her a bit like, saying Man Utd is better and all those stuff. She replied friendly. I didn't expect that. From that moment, i knew that she would be very friendly. Following that, I asked her for her msn add and soon added her in my contact list. And today i chatted with her. =D. I still can't believe that she's so so friendly. But at that time, she was getting ready to go out with her friends and she said, "I'll talk to you some other time, okay?". I melted. Argh.. No girls i've chatted with said something like that. They would either just sign out without saying any word. Wah, i guess this would really prove my friend wrong. Muahaha. I can't wait to say hi to her in person. Hehe.

I feel a change in me. Why have i become more sympathetic to others? Especially when i see poor people who can't afford even basic necesseties. Why have i become more sensitive? Is this a good thing?

So soon

A month or so has passed. I even forgot that my SPA would be on this coming monday. And i haven't even revised anything for it. Damn it. I can't fail it. Also, common test is a month away. Gosh. What am I to do? If i keep performing bad for econs, there's nowhere i can go. I have to familiarize myself with everything right now. Just like those days in SYFC, i have to familiarize myself with the areas that are allowed to be entered and those that are not. But this, i have to read through those areas of subjects that i think i have problems with. Sigh. Come on, i made it through once. I won't fail myself again.

Critical Acclaim

Shhh... quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherfucker, you've been at it for too long
While you feed off others' insecurities
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds

(Self-righteousness is wearing thin)
Lies inside your head your best friend
(Heart bleeds but not for fellow man)
Broken glass, your fake reflection

I've had enough
It's time for something real
I don't respect the words you're speaking
Gone too far, a clone

So how does it feel to know that someone's kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights?
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults his family's existence
Well, where I'm from we have a special salute we aim high in the air
Towards all those pompous assholes who spend their days pointing fingers

Fuck you

Shh... quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like the heartbeat of this country when antagonized too long
I'll be damned if you count me in
As part of your generous hypocrisy collecting enemies

Tabloid gossip queen worthless man
(There's no need for us to bury you)
Selfish agenda, once again
(Right this way, you've dug your own grave)

I've had enough it's time for something real
Don't respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

All the way from the east to the west
We've got this high society looking down on their very foundation
Constantly reminding us that our actions are the cause of all their problems
Pointing the fingers in every direction and
Blaming their own nation for who wins the elections
They've never contributed a fucking thing to the country they love to criticize

Excuse the obscene, ignore the untrue
Depictions we see, try and get through
Admitting mistakes can't hurt
I'm not the last but I sure ain't the first

Shhh... quiet, you might piss somebody off

Self-righteousness is wearing thin
(Lies inside your head your best friend)
Heart beats but not for fellow man
(Broken glass, your fake reflection)

I've had enough it's time for something real
I don't respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

..in hell

I felt so terrible yesterday. I think i spent my day in 'hell'. It all started from an acute stomach pain. I didn't feel like going to the toilet but it was really painful. I have to get it over with fast because i'll be studying my jingyi later. If i were to change my mind about it, she would definitely get upset. I thought my condition was improving when i was in the library. Not much stomach pain. But i was starting to feel cold and my whole body numb. We planned to leave at around 8 plus and that i'll treat her to a meal or something. It was too excruciating and i just wanted to get home fast. So i left early. Sorry jingyi. Next time okay? The moment i reached home, my condition became worse. There was no panadol for fever. So i just landed on my bed. I felt really cold so i covered myself with a blanket. I was burning. Because the heat was contained within the blanket. I could barely move my arms or lift myself up.

..He sees all

One day, it could be me

Why does it always happen like this?

I'm really curious. Why does it always happen in this way? It was as if i was really there. Yet again, i dreamt of someone whom i don't even know who she is. I couldn't see anyone familiar except for my cousin. I wonder if in real life, the person that i dreamt of is her friend. Well, let's get into my dream alright? We were in a train, MRT it was. I was sitting beside her. I was also sitting with someone whom i know but i couldn't really remember who it was. She initiated the conversation. She said that she's not what i think of her. I also don't know what i think of her. Anyway, she started talking about being together and all those 'being-a-couple' stuff. If i were really in that dream, myself, controlling my own body, i would totally agree with it. Because i think she's a nice person, she's beautiful. But i said the exact opposite thing. I didn't deliberately said 'NO!'. I told her that i have a major examination coming up, A levels, and that i do not want to indulge myself in such relationships. I then apologized. She then stood up and went to another cubicle of the train. I didn't follow her because i thought that i should give her some time to process what i just said. Then, i heard screams. I quickly ran to the cubicle that she went and saw her lying on the floor, blood all over. She had just cut her wrist. What on earth was she doing? My cousin was there, attending to her, calling for help. I tried to find something to stop her bleeding but couldn't. And then, i was back in the real world. One heck of a narrative essay huh. Well, this dream did happen to me. Why are all these dreams coming? Do they signify something? Why don't they happen to me in real life?