bla..bla..bla.. After suntec city, we decided to visit the nearby memorial of those deceased during the japanese occupation. And took pictures that depict the CBD.

I was staring blankly into space. This time, i didn't intend to look for her. All of a sudden, she walks by. Cutting through the normal of my eye's projection. She was like wanted me to look. Thus i looked at her. And she smiled. And i gave her one too. =)

I've have been granted a reprieve. So do my friends.

Sorry for the fake accent. Hehe.

Man, i didn't clear my common test. In other words, i didn't satisfy the criteria: 3 H2 passes or 2 H2 & 1 H1 passes. I only have 2 H2 passes. God, what is happening? My parents would definitely have to come down for the bloody 'interview'. Thing is, i don't know whether it's the HOD or CT or ST. But i have indeed showed some improvements, i admit that. So it seems that i'm on my way to my goal.

My friends invited me for soccer today. They said we were playing in some cage. So i thought we'll be going to kallang but we actually went to east coast: FUTSAL. There were 4 teams including us where most of our opponents were adults. It was a group table 'tournament'. Their body contacts were as if they were playing rugby. We were intimidated just by watching them play. Ali almost wanted to go home. Haha. But we just gotta take this opportunity and gain some experience. Honestly, it was my first time playing on synthetic ground and so, there were a couple of times when we slipped. Besides that, i found it hard to kick in our intended direction. I just don't know why. I used the similar technique which i have been using in school, and it turned out to be useless on synthetic ground. People were pushing very hard and 'ramming' everywhere. But we managed to pull through all the matches. Though we won 1 and lost 2 matches. The scores of matches which we lost were not that far too. And i managed to score 2. Hehe. You can't imagine how hard it is to score even a goal. Everyone was playing very fast, trust me. Once you have the ball in possession, you only have seconds to think of what to do with the ball. Else, you'll be humped. I became tired even before the first match ends. Surprisingly, we managed to clinch the bronze award for being the 3rd on the table. This is something we should be proud of because our team is only made up of teenagers below the age of 20. Nevertheless, it was really an honour to play with those adults. There was sportsmanship. I really look forward to playing with them again.

I promise myself to tell you the truth after it ends

I just miss that sweet voice of yours calling my name. I guess it's my fault for not appreciating you when you were always by my side back then. Perhaps, i can't change that now. Perhaps, i won't be able to hear you call my name again.

I cleared my H2 physics. Yeah!

Today is simply a satisfying day for me. I just got back my physics paper 1 and i got 12/20. Phew. It was really that bad for me but fortunately, i passed and this can help me because if paper 2 i did slightly bad, paper 1 can pull me up. I'm getting back my paper 2 tomorrow and i'm so anxious about it now. I passed math and the murderer subject, econs i didn't. I hope i can pass physics and also my geog because i don't want my parents to waste their time on meeting sessions. It is so troublesome, man. Another satisfying thing also happened today late after school. I managed to master kong vault. It's okay if you don't know what it is but it really felt good being able to master it. Any railing that i could find, i would leap over it with various vaults. Parkour. Oh, it's just a cool art.

I will wait for you, no matter what.

I hate everything !!!

You never treat me as one of your true pals. You always forget our plans for the day. Negligence is the only word i can think of right now. I guess it's true that what others have been saying about life, it's all true. Look at what's present. Don't bother about the people you know in the past.

Do i smell FEAR? What would you have done if those steps and the rail were hot molten rock(lava) and there's nothing you can use as a mean of transporting you to the foot of those steps? The only thing to do is basically run down the wall on the right. Or just jump down those 20 steps. That is what i've been wanting to accomplish. I'm going to jump with skill and precision and objective is to land at the foot of those steps, unhurt, unFEARed, with a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. TRACEUR.

I have no idea why i have been missing YFC152. It's the course/class that i was admitted to during my days in youth flying club. Sigh. I really miss the people there, my friends, the admin aunties, my instructors, the planes and simulator room. Why did i have to choose to leave early? I could have convinced my instructor that i was able to move on and that it won't affect my promotional results. I could have flown my first solo. As days pass by, my commitment also fades with time. Also, i've been trying to find a simulation software that suits what i like. Maybe combat? If i can't find any, civilian simulation would do. I also miss speaking on the telecom, like real qualified pilots that is. It was really cool and i could understand the pain of memorizing what you have to say to the people in the tower. I always say i want good grades for my A levels but how long can i say this? I keep procrastinating. Shithole, man. I just want to get admitted to the air force and undergo 2++ years of training in US and australia, or france. I just want to sit in the cockpit again.

I can't get you out of my mind..

March holiday is here. For some people, this may be their time to have fun, to hang out with friends, to play battlefield in the LAN shop, to go jamming, basically to have fun. But for me, the fun that i'm gonna get is limited and is rather redundant. Because most of the time will be spent on revising, studying and discussing with my friends regarding subject issues. Common test is just this coming week but it will only take up 3 days of the week: Monday, tuesday and wednesday. That is so freaking cool, man. And school will then resume the next tuesday. I'm going to take that remaining days to cool myself down and just relax my mind.

Hanging out with my band is really stress-relieving. It somehow makes me free. It also feels great being with them. We can just joke around, being racist for a moment. But that's not our intention, we're just playing around. I guess today was the best jamm i've ever had for this year, probably because it was the first jamm this year. And guess what, i screamed today. It really felt great and i think that it was quite a good and nice scream. I was even being complimented by the hardcore sreamo, haha. I don't think we can jamm like this often this year since A levels is around the corner. But i hope we will be able to go further after A levels. Boycotted rocks on..

I just couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the grade on my result slip. I was really shocked. It was really unpredictable. It's not what i've been expecting. I expected better. Instead of improving, it was the opposite. What the hell happened? Also filled with sadness, i couldn't focus on the things i do after obtaining my result slip. I was really in another world. It was just the worst grade of that subject of my entire school life. Sigh. This is a gauge as to how i will do my common test, mid year, prelims and also the A levels. If I can't even get a good grade for a subject that you don't even need to study that much or memorize long-winded definitions and formulas, how would i be able to get distinctions for the rest of my subjects? I'm absolutely worried right now, even scared. My econs and geog, and GP. Gosh, how will i be able to get these over with. I want to pass everything for common test. I don't wish to fail anymore. I've had enough of feeling down. I want to see grades that make me smile, flashing my teeth. I feel that this is the moment that determines where i'll be and what i am 10 or 20 years later. I want to be what i've been wanting to be. Oh God, please clear all my obstacles away. Grant me a peace of mind.

Here's what I think. There's no way a person can escape from a detention barrack especially if that person poses a big threat to the society and particularly the country. The strongest, fittest and smartest soldiers would be assigned to make sure this person doesn't get out of hands. Okay, if the security is tight, and it's damn tight, how on earth can this guy escape unnoticed? And does anybody know how long did they take to realise that this guy is gone? My family kinda had a discussion about this issue. And my mum felt that it must have been the works of supernatural means like you know, black magic? I'd say i could agree with it. That's because Indon is quite professional in these kind of stuff, and it's not a good thing you know.

Why did he coincidentally escape on the day his family was visiting him? So my mum felt that his family must have brought the 'stuff' from their homeland. This 'stuff' has many purposes and besides that, there are many 'stuffs' in this 'stuff'. One of its uses is when doing business. It sorts of pull customers in and thus, increase their earnings exceptionally. Another use of it is to divert people's attention away and it sort of, creates hallucinations for people such that in this case, this captive doesn't even exist and is invisible to the soldiers. Now, how long does it take for the soldiers to notice that he's gone? If it's within 1 hour, 2 hour or 3 hours, this black magic stuff cannot be applied in this case. Because, this guy would definitely want to be out of the country so badly. So we all assume that he is still here, in s'pore. Why is it that he is still not found? Is he dead out of starvation? or is he still in the woods? Does he have any communication gadgets to contact his disciples or members? If not for this supernatural means, another possibility is relating to the soldiers directly? Bribery by fellow members of that guy? Or maybe one of the soldiers' family has been observed, approached and threatened to be harmed? I don't know. This is just my probabilities? What about you? What do you think?

So cross country is now over. I actually planned to walk throughout and i also felt different today. I felt that i couldn't perform. As the sound of the horn is being heard, the whole LOT started to run, while some walked. I suddenly felt like running but peer pressure man. My friends kept calling me back to walk with them. And lucky there's Allen, the most enthusiastic one. Rajesh was too, but he had to tie his shoelace along the way, and lost track with us. Allen, i think, was a good runner but he lacks the endurance to keep thinking of his destination and just focus on getting there, not bearing in mind the pain of stitches and ankle exertion. I managed to pass that test. For the past few runs during PE, i stopped running halfway, for once in 5 years. I couldn't pass the endurance test. But i'm glad i did today.

I had a series of injuries today. First, i was so vexed over a soccer match i played after the run that i kicked the pole of the goalpost. I kicked it hardly. I couldn't feel any pain at that time but once i stopped playing, it really hurts but it's worse right now. Second, during my 'fitness' which i used to define parkour training. I'm going to make the fitness corner my playground and soon, the other parts of the school. I have been observing possible obstacles whenever i walk around the school and found plenty. But i usually do my 'fitness' when not many people are around. Today, i did a couple of new vaults. It felt really great being able to move like a monkey, cat and also kong. However today, i jumped up high and landed wrongly on my ankle. Ouch..then, when i rolled, i hurt my right back of the shoulder. Gosh, but i don't regret having these injuries, it's part and parcel of learning parkour.

Lastly, i would like to remind all the innocent people out there, that this land is no longer safe. Someone is on the loose. So be sure to keep an alert mind. Try not to stay out late. Let's all pray to our God(s) that this someone will get nabbed soon. Please, fulfil our wish.

So what's the issue?

Well, i guess, the question is, who is the more sensitive one? I have a very different way of defining 'sensitive' and 'emo'. Being sensitive is being vulnerable to what other people say or talk about you or anyone else or anything. Being emo is basically being emotional, to have the feeling of sadness and sorrow in your heart. But let's not talk about emo. Let's talk about sensitive. Being offended by the other party, though they're not referring to you, that is being sensitive. Sometimes, you can get carried away with that and become oversensitive about it. For an example, you talked to your friend and he/she doesn't reply or shall i say, give a damn about what you're talking and just keep mum, you then lost patience and put on a cold shoulder and send unnecessary message(s) of insults with obscene languages. That's so, very, really uncivilised dude. We're singaporeans, man. What's with sending it and then not replying it when your own thing is being replied? Do i smell fear or what the chinese say, 'hamchi'? Isn't it better to just settle the score once and for all? Before making any decisions to put on a cold shoulder, do bear in mind and at least try to think what that someone is going through. If you have a feud, try not to drag it along as the day progresses. It will turn to HATE, then to VENGEANCE, then to VIOLENCE, and then you're gonna get a stinking record in your testimonial or whatsoever or worse, land yourself behind bars. Gosh, that would be terrible, man. So dude, settle it, will you?

Parkour

Around 5+ today, when there weren't many people present, when all have gone home, i decided to make a video of my own, of me running freely. Of course, i'm a novice in this art and hence, most of the moves are not precised and professional. But there was definitely effort being put in. Hehe. Enjoy.

Air Show 08

Oh man, i want so badly to go to the airshow but the thing is, i don't even know if the tickets are sold out. On the other hand, there is nobody to go with. I have no problem going there on my own but i would definitely feel lost and there's nobody to get lost with. I don't the mind the cost of the ticket 20 bucks, it's inelastic to me. I just wish to see the F-16s in action, showing off their top speed and manoeuvres. Gosh, i can't wait for it. It's opened for public on 23rd and 24th of february. It's just a week down ahead. Sigh, i want to go!!!

Just shut the hell up

Another frustrating and heart-aching day yet again. I know how and in what way i will study. I have my ways okay? So don't try to tell me how to study. Your way might turn out to be a hell for me. I don't intend to tell you to fuck off because i understand you have never been through this. But at least, be more understanding, will you? Give me some support. This one's done. Let's get to another story shall we? Now, here's what fucks me up. I've done a lot of things for you. I try to be one that cares. In fact, i care for you. You're like a sister to me, do you fuckin' know that? At least, some gratitude would do. But there's nothing except monotonous replies for every question that i ask. What the fuck is that all about huh? I don't know why i felt this way. I just feel like telling you to FUCK OFF !!! That's right, fuck off. At least this is enough for my suffering. You know what, hope we'll not meet again alright? I think that's a good idea. I would like that. Now, i feel good. And i guess i won't be able to kick this habit of saying 'FUCKIN' words now that a lot of things are beginning to piss me off, big time. And one last thing, to those of you out there, who think that i'm referring to you, don't get too sensitive alright? This is not a place for you.

...

I've always need a time of my own. Where i can think everything through. Reflect on the things that i've done wrong. It doesn't mean that i don't care for you. If I could, i'll be there. I never thought I'd need you whenever i'm emotionally in pain. I'm sorry i didn't treasure you. Treasure you as if there's no tomorrow for us. And now, there really isn't any tomorrow for us anymore. Remorsed. Nothing can change that.

CHANGE

I feel that it's time for me to make changes to some of the things that i normally do everyday.

1. Reduce expenditure on food and drinks and other stuff
2. Refrain myself using the vulgarities that i usually use such as FUCK!!! (woah, it makes me feel good though)
3. Refrain from being too sensitive which can be defined as being EMO
4. Utilise any free time in school on revision, studying, and anything useful

But i do want some things..

1. Flight simulator (Combat and Civilian): costs about 50 bucks each
2. Joystick: between 50 and 20 bucks
3. 5MP webcam: 44 bucks

...

What on earth is happening to me? I've been having stomach aches and pains for the past few days. It usually happened in school or outside of home, which i hate the most. Is this a sign or something? A sign that i've been eating junk food and unhealthy food? Oh gosh, sometimes it's just unbearable. Doc, help me!! My dad bought me pineapple juice as it would help in some ways, according to him. But i guess not. I had more stomach pains after that. Argh!!! Somebody save me..

Friendship Day

To all my eyecandies, happy friendship day!!! Hehe..

SPA's over

Gosh, i'm so relieved that SPA skill CD is actually over. I was nervous during econs lecture. My friends were all memorising the errors and improvements section. That adds to my anxiety. However, upon reaching the lab and had myself sitted down, the atmosphere changed. I suddenly had the confidence in doing it. I was like, alright man. I thought the question was not that bad. It was do-able. I managed to complete 4 errors and improvements within 15 mins. I rushed as i wrote. Lucky, Mr Tan gave us extra time to finish off what we were writing. I hope i'll not only pass but at least get a B or A grade. Yay!!! It's time to divert my attention to the upcoming common test. I'll show that i'm ready for A levels.

I still feel bad about what i said to her yesterday. It just slipped off from my mouth. Gosh, how can i be so careless!!! I'm so so sorry. I really didn't mean it. I can't imagine how it feels like to live without that someone. If you read this, don't tag about it okay? You will know why. Cheer up okay?

..Proven wrong

After chatting with her for just once, i think i can already prove my friend wrong. So what has he proven? Well, he said that she's a bitch. I asked him why, he then told me to check out her friendster. And so i did. I browsed through her pictures. And i'm kinda, WOW!! She's quite a hottie. In fact, she's more of a hottie in person. But her smiles kinda spoils a part of her. So upon that, i added her as a friend and she accepted it. That's quite fast you know, because like other girls, they would hesitate to add and ask all sorts of questions before adding such as, "Do i know you?". Of course you don't. That's what friendster is for. To make friends. Anyway, back to this. I realised that she's an Arsenal fan. I was flabbergasted. So i decided to tease her a bit like, saying Man Utd is better and all those stuff. She replied friendly. I didn't expect that. From that moment, i knew that she would be very friendly. Following that, I asked her for her msn add and soon added her in my contact list. And today i chatted with her. =D. I still can't believe that she's so so friendly. But at that time, she was getting ready to go out with her friends and she said, "I'll talk to you some other time, okay?". I melted. Argh.. No girls i've chatted with said something like that. They would either just sign out without saying any word. Wah, i guess this would really prove my friend wrong. Muahaha. I can't wait to say hi to her in person. Hehe.

I feel a change in me. Why have i become more sympathetic to others? Especially when i see poor people who can't afford even basic necesseties. Why have i become more sensitive? Is this a good thing?

So soon

A month or so has passed. I even forgot that my SPA would be on this coming monday. And i haven't even revised anything for it. Damn it. I can't fail it. Also, common test is a month away. Gosh. What am I to do? If i keep performing bad for econs, there's nowhere i can go. I have to familiarize myself with everything right now. Just like those days in SYFC, i have to familiarize myself with the areas that are allowed to be entered and those that are not. But this, i have to read through those areas of subjects that i think i have problems with. Sigh. Come on, i made it through once. I won't fail myself again.

Critical Acclaim

Shhh... quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like me motherfucker, you've been at it for too long
While you feed off others' insecurities
You stand in front of me and bite the hand that feeds

(Self-righteousness is wearing thin)
Lies inside your head your best friend
(Heart bleeds but not for fellow man)
Broken glass, your fake reflection

I've had enough
It's time for something real
I don't respect the words you're speaking
Gone too far, a clone

So how does it feel to know that someone's kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights?
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults his family's existence
Well, where I'm from we have a special salute we aim high in the air
Towards all those pompous assholes who spend their days pointing fingers

Fuck you

Shh... quiet, you might piss somebody off
Like the heartbeat of this country when antagonized too long
I'll be damned if you count me in
As part of your generous hypocrisy collecting enemies

Tabloid gossip queen worthless man
(There's no need for us to bury you)
Selfish agenda, once again
(Right this way, you've dug your own grave)

I've had enough it's time for something real
Don't respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

All the way from the east to the west
We've got this high society looking down on their very foundation
Constantly reminding us that our actions are the cause of all their problems
Pointing the fingers in every direction and
Blaming their own nation for who wins the elections
They've never contributed a fucking thing to the country they love to criticize

Excuse the obscene, ignore the untrue
Depictions we see, try and get through
Admitting mistakes can't hurt
I'm not the last but I sure ain't the first

Shhh... quiet, you might piss somebody off

Self-righteousness is wearing thin
(Lies inside your head your best friend)
Heart beats but not for fellow man
(Broken glass, your fake reflection)

I've had enough it's time for something real
I don't respect the words you're speaking
gone too far, a clone

..in hell

I felt so terrible yesterday. I think i spent my day in 'hell'. It all started from an acute stomach pain. I didn't feel like going to the toilet but it was really painful. I have to get it over with fast because i'll be studying my jingyi later. If i were to change my mind about it, she would definitely get upset. I thought my condition was improving when i was in the library. Not much stomach pain. But i was starting to feel cold and my whole body numb. We planned to leave at around 8 plus and that i'll treat her to a meal or something. It was too excruciating and i just wanted to get home fast. So i left early. Sorry jingyi. Next time okay? The moment i reached home, my condition became worse. There was no panadol for fever. So i just landed on my bed. I felt really cold so i covered myself with a blanket. I was burning. Because the heat was contained within the blanket. I could barely move my arms or lift myself up.

..He sees all

One day, it could be me

Why does it always happen like this?

I'm really curious. Why does it always happen in this way? It was as if i was really there. Yet again, i dreamt of someone whom i don't even know who she is. I couldn't see anyone familiar except for my cousin. I wonder if in real life, the person that i dreamt of is her friend. Well, let's get into my dream alright? We were in a train, MRT it was. I was sitting beside her. I was also sitting with someone whom i know but i couldn't really remember who it was. She initiated the conversation. She said that she's not what i think of her. I also don't know what i think of her. Anyway, she started talking about being together and all those 'being-a-couple' stuff. If i were really in that dream, myself, controlling my own body, i would totally agree with it. Because i think she's a nice person, she's beautiful. But i said the exact opposite thing. I didn't deliberately said 'NO!'. I told her that i have a major examination coming up, A levels, and that i do not want to indulge myself in such relationships. I then apologized. She then stood up and went to another cubicle of the train. I didn't follow her because i thought that i should give her some time to process what i just said. Then, i heard screams. I quickly ran to the cubicle that she went and saw her lying on the floor, blood all over. She had just cut her wrist. What on earth was she doing? My cousin was there, attending to her, calling for help. I tried to find something to stop her bleeding but couldn't. And then, i was back in the real world. One heck of a narrative essay huh. Well, this dream did happen to me. Why are all these dreams coming? Do they signify something? Why don't they happen to me in real life?

I just love taking pictures of my shoe.

..REALLY STRESSED OUTTA HELL

I really feel helpless. This week is just a week of tests. I didn't have much time to prepare with all the homeworks piling up in less than a day. And i really regret because there those days that i got carried away when playing soccer. I shouldn't have played too long. I should have used those hours and minutes and seconds doing my homework, so by the time i reach home, i'll be able to revise my work without the burden of unfinished homework. So what shall i do now? I haven't revise for my geog test which is tomorrow. Furthermore, physics test the day after. Gosh..i just feel like not coming to school on both days. But, sigh, i just need to face the truth. Just write whatever i can recall for the tests. Alright, i'll study and do my homeworks after school tomorrow. No more playing..too much i mean. Hehe. Ok then, i'm out.

I'm really in a fuckin' bad mood today. I just can't find a reason why i didn't perform well with my predator. I kept losing possession easily. Am i really meant for predator or what? There is one other thing that i'm terribly pissed off with. You think it's funny? Playing with other people's sensitivity? Huh, fucker!? When i'm being serious, not putting a single fucking smile on my face, it means i'm fucking serious. There you were, pretending who you're not, giving me that fucked-up face. You know, it made me more pissed off. For once, i just wish i have the guts to give a one satisfying blow in your face. But i didn't. Cuz i know it would negatively affect our friendship and also how others think about me. My past was once an emotional one. If you could have the chance to stand in my shoes, get into my mind, flashback, you would know how much i've been through. Everyday i tried my best not to be too 'emo' and get sensitive over small matters. Most of the time, i can't and i failed. So if i ever make you guys rather pissed off with me, please, understand and try to bear with me. Alright? I'm out then.

Where on earth can i find a MODERN COMBAT FLIGHT SIMULATOR!!?? I'm tired of walking 'hundreds' of kilometres just to find what i want. Even in a huge shopping centre like causeway point, i can't find a MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIMULATOR X. I've checked IMM when i was out with my family a few weeks back. I found MFSX. But IMM is such an inconvenient place to go to. There's not even a public bus that leads me there. The only way is for me to take the train and alight at jurong east and then take the shuttle bus, which looks so silly. I guess i'll head for IMM tomorrow if i have the time..

I gotta stop being too emotional over something which seems so small to my friends. But to me, it seems a pretty much bigger matter. Now, most of my classmates call me as the emo-mo-mo boy. Everytime i keep quiet or thinking of other stuffs, somebody would definitely notice it and start their engine: "Eh suhaimi, don't emo ah." Sigh. It feels bad, man. But to those of my classmates who are reading this, don't worry. Though calling me an emo boy would, i think, drive me further from my eye-candies, it's ok. Let's have fun together, shall we? You call me emo, i call you emo. We call everyone emo.

It's been a long time since i last chatted with her. I think it's like 20 years? I'm just exaggerating by the way. The reason for this exaggeration is because, i've never really chatted with her for a long time. Even if we see each other in school, i just couldn't bring myself to talk to her or at least say hi or something. Sigh.

I could see what i want to see for my future. Everything was vivid. Everything that surrounds me was sophisticated. It was spacious and huge. But i couldn't see who the girl was, hehe. Anyway, it seems that in my 'imagination', i seem to have what i want. I seem to have a career that i've ever dreamt of. Now, what can ever give me the drive to keep myself on the track which leads to where i want to be. There are just a lot of distractions that i'll face everyday, especially sports and entertainment and relationship. My biggest problem is TIME. I always think that i'm capable of juggling and managing time well. I can play and study, and i'll still do well for my tests and exams. But now that i'm in J2, everything seems to have changed. I feel that i can't do what i usually do anymore. I can't fit everything into my daily schedule anymore. People have been talking about sacrifice. I thought it's a crap. But now, i think i have no choice but to really sacrifice: my laptop, fifa08, ghost recon, thinking of linhui, soccer, wasting time in school, etc. I really hope all these sacrifices would do me good. So aimi, here we go. Time for a lonely and solitude life.

I think i seriously like one of the girls in my school. I don't know how this feeling came to me. Everyday i see her in school, it makes me feel like i want to be with her. But i've thought further. I think she likes a friend of mine. Why i think so? That's because during the december holidays last year when we chatted online, she would associate one of the topics with my friend. Well, it's just an assumption. I just have inadequate courage to tell her how i feel about her. I think she's sweet though she doesn't have 100% to her looks. One thing, i'm afraid of the consequences the moment i tell her the truth. Will we be further apart, friendship i mean? Will she try to avoid me? A lot of unpredictable things could happen. So what on earth should i do? Should i just let it go? And regard this feeling as just lust amd crush? And that it's only temporary and will disappear in time? I don't know.

I just finished watching Man Utd's match against Newscastle United. And you know what, it was FUCKING SHIT!!! And i'm saying this in a good way. I was damn ecstatic with how Man Utd played. I'd say they played brilliantly during the second half of the game. Can you believe it, 6 goals in the second 45 minutes? That was fucking awesome. I was smiling throughout the game. I wanted to scream but afraid would wake my family up. Greatest thing that happened was, Ronnie played great and has gotten his first HAT-TRICK of the season. There you see it. Cristiano Ronaldo will always be the best player the world has ever seen. Who cares what others say. Unfortunately, Rooney's attempts on goal were always denied by his fate and of course, Shay Given. He was even kindly giggled at by Tevez. Haha. Besides that, i could see happy faces from the Man Utd players during the game. For example, Anderson and Giggs when they were substituted. They were smiling as if they had never smiled before upon leaving the pitch. Man Utd's defence was absolutely world class. They didn't even allow Newcastle Utd's players to enter or stand on Man Utd's quarter for more than 20 seconds. Overall, it was WORLD CLASS by Man Utd. Glory Glory Man Utd. Keep going on.

At High Velocity

At High Velocity

I'm beginning to feel a change in my attitude and behaviour. I think that it's gone for the worse. Words that i shouldn't be using to express myself are just conveniently spitting out of my mouth. It does satisfy me using those words, but now i realise that some people are rather upset or offended by them. I'm just afraid that they would change the way they feel about me. They would think i'm becoming a bad person. I don't want to be regarded as one. Sigh.. the only way to find a solution to this problem is to learn to control my emotions and my phrasings. Speaking of emotions, i'm more and easily getting emo now. I get frustrated and all vexed up over tiny-winny matters. I get pissed off with the people i see everyday. Well, of course not everyone. I even get easily pissed off with my friends. I feel really bad. What's gone into me? I really need someone who is patient enough and to observe me and to consistently giving me encouragement and words of wisdom.

I really feel guilty. I haven't been revising much during the holidays. Now, i totally forget about what i've learnt before the holidays. Now, i'm suffering like hell. Not knowing how to solve when i come across a simple integration question. Fuck off !!! I really need to pace up. A levels is just 7 months away, excluding the upcoming holidays. Stop procrastinating, damn it. Argh!!!

I feel so burdened up by all the things that happen to me. I'm facing a lot of choices to make, and it's not that easy to make that decision. Sometimes i just feel like screaming as loudly as i had ever did, straining my throat. I would be painful but it's worth it. I really don't know what to do with these problems.

Today was one of the most adventurous day of my life. Why? Because me, farid, zul and ziq went cycling towards woodlands from bukit panjang. Actually, not all of us rode the bike. Ziq skated in his roller blade. Of course, with some help from us. He just hold on to our bikes and he just needed to control the direction. Since it was his first time going on some adventurous journey, he fell quite a couple of times. Everything went smoothly but when we were in woodlands, he injured himself. On our way home, due to the really inclined slope..the bikes and of course, roller blade sped off, uncontrollably. Me and farid managed to control our bikes and enjoyed the high-velocity and fast wind. Unfortunately, zul and ziq did not. They somehow got stuck onto each other and lost balance, thus, both fell really hard. Anyway, this is inevitable. We will definitely learn something from these accidents. Like me when i first started riding on such journeys.

(sorry for the rotated cam)

Yesterday, me, farid and ziq went to Cathay house in Prinsep street to purchase tickets for AVP2(Alien vs Predator 2) which will be released today. We booked at 1500h today so those who wish to tag along, please do. Hehe. Anyway, since we had nothing better to do there, farid suggested we go to vivo city to witness the countdown performances. Actually, apart from that, we wanted to 'wash' his eyes too. Haha. Upon reaching there, you can't imagine how crowded that place was. We watched some pre-entertainment and enjoyed the view of sentosa and the small 'sea', taking pictures of the elegant yet beautiful sunset.

Dear whoever-i-wish-to-blog-about,

I've known about it a long time ago already, even before hari raya. You know when you talked to faiz at nurul's place during her birthday, i actually knew what you guys were talking about. Now that you have found someone whom you really love and look upon, it feels great to me. Cuz the fact that you have someone else to love and care for, it relieves me of my burden. I do not have to think what you're feeling at a given point of time, whether you're happy or sad. I can release my clutches off you already. I'm not particularly vexed or jealous that you've got someone else. You're really a nice and loving person to be with. I do admit that after we broke up, i still have a bit of love for you. Everyday when we were in school, i would glance to see if you're okay. Also recently, i dreamt of you. We were the best of friends. I sincerely hope that one day, that would happen. Anyway, i would like to congratulate you for passing one of the tests that is brought down by God. I really salute you for the patience that you have given. I know all the things that i've done after there was 'us', have never failed to upset you. Still, you would show the other side of you, which is a happy-go-lucky person. You cannot do it without your girl friends too, wrappers. For that, i'm sorry and i hope that you won't linger with these matters anymore. You should start afresh with him, i really hope you'd do. Adiyos Amigo, dear friend. Till we meet again.

AIFAH

It is like our daily routine to go for a jog early in the morning, and when i say 'early' it means 4 plus, when most of the people are still sound asleep. But for the 3 of us: Me, Ziq and Zul. We woke up in the morning just to jog. Our common routes are through Bangkit, Fajar, and also Jelapang. We would either drop by the 7-Eleven at Greenridge Plaza or the kopitiam at Fajar after jogging. Ziq would be with his roller blade and me and zul would jog. Today, i learnt some roller blade skills. I was really noob. Haha. It was my 2nd time on the roller blades since 10 years ago. I tried very hard to keep my legs parallel. It was damn hard. But i didn't fall UNNECESSARILY. I could still maintain balance. Heh. We managed to take some pictures today anyway. Below is a video of zul learning to blade.

What's that thing?

This incident happened when me, shahril and allen went to the emergency staircase in Paragon to eat our KFC meals. The reason we ate there was because there wasn't really empty seats for us simply because the whole restaurant was full of people. Allen and shahril suggested the staircase in paragon and hence, we walked from Ngee Ann City to Paragon. The worst thing happened after eating our meals. There was nothing to do so i stood on the railings and asked my friend to take my picture. It turned out to be fine. My friend then edit and changed the color of the picture to negative. And there it was, a mysterious figure behind me. And my body seems to be faded away. It was really frightening. We just grabbed our stuff and made a run for it. Never go to that staircase ever again, man.

A few days ago, i helped my friend who is also a CM in our class in his work. His dad owns a tuition centre and we are to promote the tuition centre in Suntec Convention Hall in which the BookFest is being held too. It was really tiring as we had to stand for over 10 hours. Anyway, below are some of the pictures i took when our booth was about to close.

One of the intended

What do you think? Hot and sexy isn't it? It is one of my intended guitars to buy. It's the ESP Horizon III (black). I fell in love with it the moment i lay eyes on it. Of course, look at the seducing sparkling, reflectious black. Not to forget the original floyd rose that i've been looking for. Let alone 2 seymour duncan pickups, a brand of which Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold uses for his custom schecter guitar. Guess you don't necessarily need to have a face-melting shredder's guitar to be one yourself. Just buy a guitar which suits your style, get familiar with it, fall in love with it, take care of it and you're on your way to becoming the next renowned shredder. Based on reviews, ESP seems to be a brand that has been used by most metal bands. One disadvantage is, it's not meant for bright acoustic sounds but it doesn't really matter. Gosh !!! I wonder what's its valuation. It's the original ESP, it will sure cost one hell of dollar notes. But it's ok, i hope my determination is strong enough to enable me to carry on saving till i can afford one which i hope will be by April 2008.

SHOULD I?

Sometimes i ask myself if i should get myself a brand new electric guitar that suits my needs. Probably i would like to get a 'floyd-rose'd guitar which i can bend strings using the whammy bar to produce exclusive divebombs. I always wanted to do that. Next feature that i would like to have for my guitar is a 24-fret or more, fretboard. I just love to listen to the high pitch sounds. I just wish to have a fretboard that makes it easier for me to slide my fingers quickly up and down the fretboard. Oh gosh, if there is any guitar that matches these features, it would surely leave my pocket empty in just one SWOOSH!!! One thing that i hate is, SAVE!! My parents will never accept or support me if i want to buy a guitar. So that means i have to save my money which eventually turns out to be my parent's money. I must save up to at least 800 bucks and my savings would add up to that amount by April 2008 i guess. Question is, can i really put 90% of my weekly allowance aside for my intended guitar? Sigh.. So it's either gonna be Ibanez, Schecter or ESP.

It is truly in God's hand. He who will determine when and who He
will call upon to him. One moment, our loved ones are right
beside us..joking, laughing, groaning, scolding. And with just a
blink of an eye, everything changed. With just a snap of a finger,
our loved ones have left us in this cruel world. We can cry in
sober when we lose our loved ones but crying too much would
mean that we are unwilling to let him/her leave. Leaving us and
this world would mean that God loves him/her and that He
doesn't want him/her to commit any more sins. So let's all pray
for our loved ones, their safety, their health... And if they have to
leave this world without a note or goodbye, let it be in their sleep.
It's rather peaceful.

just HOW?

It was just now, that i found the Black Tiger deck that i claimed to have lost it. But how did it reappear? Unknowingly, it appeared right in front of me when i was having tea alone in the living room. Was it an illusion? Something is really amiss. I then tried playing along with my parents asking if they took that deck and hid it from me. But they seemed serious and thus convinced me that they didn't take it. Well, it doesn't matter now. What matters is, I have 2 Black Tiger decks with me right now. Cool right? Yay!!!

The First Move

My loneliness has made me more tempted to find a companion which would keep me company, make me feel secured and peaceful. Always making me smile and laugh whenever we chat. And even jokes that are endless. I used to experience these previously. At first, i thought i would be with her for a very long time, perhaps forever. Perhaps i was so into love at that time. Well, things went the other way. I was already so happy with her. Life full of joy. One fine day, she sent me an email wanting to go separate ways. It wasn't just like that of course, long story. All i could say is, good things sure come to an end. For almost a year, i've been bearing it. But now, i possibly can't. My loneliness has become intensed. Thing is, should i make the first move? What if i made a fool out of myself? What if she doesn't even bear any feelings for me? What if she doesn't even know who i am? That would be a moment when i will never face up to myself ever again. But peer pressure showed that i SHOULD make the first move. At least tell her that i fancy her. But..what if they are attached? Arrghh!!! I would get instantaneous bashing from her boyfriend. Anyone, help me with this stuff?

p.s. no specific person/girl involved

Just a random photo of me. In the midst of becoming a street magician huh..

Fuckin' Frustrated

I would like to express my feelings regarding a matter. Today seemed to one of my luckiest days. This may sound silly to ya'll but it's not to me. It's so hard to find a BICYCLE card deck, especially a BLACK TIGER. I went to the ICA with my family to make a replacement of my IC. After that, we went to Raffles Hospital to eat our breakfast/lunch. We then went to a nearby shopping centre which seemed to be uncrowded. It doesn't look like a shopping centre to me. It was very quiet inside. As we were walking inside, i came across a shop. My first sight was, some mahjong tiles. Just before i looked away, i saw a typical BICYCLE deck. I lay my eyes on it for quite some time.

Then i approached the shop slowly and glanced at the display. There were actually more. The shop tender who was an old lady(not so old till she can't walk..she was well-conversed in english though), she asked me to come in and take a look at the BICYCLE decks she has in store. I was astounded. There were more than BICYCLE. All the undistributed decks from USA were there. I saw a black BICYCLE deck which is BLACK TIGER and asked her for the price. It was 12 bucks. Well, it's a typical price for a black BICYCLE deck. So i took it for 12 bucks. I didn't tell my dad that i bought it because he will scold thinking that i bought that deck to gamble. Actually, i bought it because it's appealing and seems to be the most attractive card deck. Besides that, i bought to practice and learn some magic tricks. Once i reached home, i headed for my room and unwrapped the transparent plastic that enclosed the deck box. The moment i touched the cards, i soon fell in love with it. I kept it all in one piece and hid it under my blanket and then went to living room to play some games and surf the net on my notebook.

After about 2 hours, i went into my room to try out some magic tricks. It was GONE. I looked for everywhere in my house without telling my parents what i was actually looking for though they kept asking me. I have my mum in mind. I think she went into my room to place some clothes in my cupboard. It couldn't be my sister. Why would she wanna take it? She doesn't even know how to name the four houses. It could be my dad, but he slept when we reached home. It was my first ever card deck. And it cost me 12 bucks. That's a lot of money. I can jamm with my band with it. Gosh.. Arrghh.. I can't ask my mum and dad whether they entered my room and took something that belongs to me in the presence of each other. I'll be doomed if so. Sigh.. I'm fuckin' frustrated right now.

I really admire this video. I know it's kinda outdated but i just feel like posting about it. Matt used to scream like hell in the past. And i like this scream of his. It's awesome. Hope he can take the dare to scream again, at least once would do.

Relieved..

On my journey to school today, i couldn't help feeling damn anxious. Possible outcome is that i retain or promoted. Getting retained alone would be the end of the world to me. Some said getting retained would be a good thing because we will be given a chance to start all over again and possibly do exceptionally well for the next promotional examination. However, surprisingly, i got PROMOTED. Of course i was really happy when i didn't see my name on the board outside the G.O. But i couldn't let it out because i was still uncertain. Well, eventually, those names that do not appear on the board means that those people would be promoted. Based on the results of my promotional examination, the possibility of me promoting is 50:50. The moderation was really outstanding and exaggerating. I would like to thank God for answering my prayers and giving me a second chance to prove myself worthy to be a JC2 student. Nevertheless, i feel sad for my friends who did not make to JC2 namely R*****, A****, J**N***. These 3 guys have been the closest to me and now, we'll be physically apart. I had high hopes for them to promoted. I was astonished myself, to be hearing news about them not getting to be promoted. They didn't look upset either. I would like to wish my friends who couldn't make it, all the best for their journey to the promos next year. I bet ya'll do extremely well and at least be able to establish yourselves as the top students. Meanwhile, i'll do my very best for A levels, now that i've been given a chance. I'll do anything to clear my doubts about any subjects. No more SHY guy, it's time for DARE guy.

I guess i'll not go for her. I think it's dumb of me to do that. It is also not pleasant to be a person who always have a change of heart. It makes me feel as if i'm not true to the person I truly love and particularly, myself. I really miss this someone. There have been a repetition of this but it just makes me feel a lot better. Though the time we spent together was FANTASTICALLY little, I wish i had cherished those days and better, cherish YOU. Why do you have to pull my mine along with yours? Sigh..I also think that i'm becoming more eMo nowadays. Even my friends said so. I don't even wanna be an emo person, who rarely socialises. But the problem that has been tailing me since, has made me into one. Argh!!!