Dear whoever-i-wish-to-blog-about,

I've known about it a long time ago already, even before hari raya. You know when you talked to faiz at nurul's place during her birthday, i actually knew what you guys were talking about. Now that you have found someone whom you really love and look upon, it feels great to me. Cuz the fact that you have someone else to love and care for, it relieves me of my burden. I do not have to think what you're feeling at a given point of time, whether you're happy or sad. I can release my clutches off you already. I'm not particularly vexed or jealous that you've got someone else. You're really a nice and loving person to be with. I do admit that after we broke up, i still have a bit of love for you. Everyday when we were in school, i would glance to see if you're okay. Also recently, i dreamt of you. We were the best of friends. I sincerely hope that one day, that would happen. Anyway, i would like to congratulate you for passing one of the tests that is brought down by God. I really salute you for the patience that you have given. I know all the things that i've done after there was 'us', have never failed to upset you. Still, you would show the other side of you, which is a happy-go-lucky person. You cannot do it without your girl friends too, wrappers. For that, i'm sorry and i hope that you won't linger with these matters anymore. You should start afresh with him, i really hope you'd do. Adiyos Amigo, dear friend. Till we meet again.

AIFAH

It is like our daily routine to go for a jog early in the morning, and when i say 'early' it means 4 plus, when most of the people are still sound asleep. But for the 3 of us: Me, Ziq and Zul. We woke up in the morning just to jog. Our common routes are through Bangkit, Fajar, and also Jelapang. We would either drop by the 7-Eleven at Greenridge Plaza or the kopitiam at Fajar after jogging. Ziq would be with his roller blade and me and zul would jog. Today, i learnt some roller blade skills. I was really noob. Haha. It was my 2nd time on the roller blades since 10 years ago. I tried very hard to keep my legs parallel. It was damn hard. But i didn't fall UNNECESSARILY. I could still maintain balance. Heh. We managed to take some pictures today anyway. Below is a video of zul learning to blade.

What's that thing?

This incident happened when me, shahril and allen went to the emergency staircase in Paragon to eat our KFC meals. The reason we ate there was because there wasn't really empty seats for us simply because the whole restaurant was full of people. Allen and shahril suggested the staircase in paragon and hence, we walked from Ngee Ann City to Paragon. The worst thing happened after eating our meals. There was nothing to do so i stood on the railings and asked my friend to take my picture. It turned out to be fine. My friend then edit and changed the color of the picture to negative. And there it was, a mysterious figure behind me. And my body seems to be faded away. It was really frightening. We just grabbed our stuff and made a run for it. Never go to that staircase ever again, man.

A few days ago, i helped my friend who is also a CM in our class in his work. His dad owns a tuition centre and we are to promote the tuition centre in Suntec Convention Hall in which the BookFest is being held too. It was really tiring as we had to stand for over 10 hours. Anyway, below are some of the pictures i took when our booth was about to close.

One of the intended

What do you think? Hot and sexy isn't it? It is one of my intended guitars to buy. It's the ESP Horizon III (black). I fell in love with it the moment i lay eyes on it. Of course, look at the seducing sparkling, reflectious black. Not to forget the original floyd rose that i've been looking for. Let alone 2 seymour duncan pickups, a brand of which Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold uses for his custom schecter guitar. Guess you don't necessarily need to have a face-melting shredder's guitar to be one yourself. Just buy a guitar which suits your style, get familiar with it, fall in love with it, take care of it and you're on your way to becoming the next renowned shredder. Based on reviews, ESP seems to be a brand that has been used by most metal bands. One disadvantage is, it's not meant for bright acoustic sounds but it doesn't really matter. Gosh !!! I wonder what's its valuation. It's the original ESP, it will sure cost one hell of dollar notes. But it's ok, i hope my determination is strong enough to enable me to carry on saving till i can afford one which i hope will be by April 2008.

SHOULD I?

Sometimes i ask myself if i should get myself a brand new electric guitar that suits my needs. Probably i would like to get a 'floyd-rose'd guitar which i can bend strings using the whammy bar to produce exclusive divebombs. I always wanted to do that. Next feature that i would like to have for my guitar is a 24-fret or more, fretboard. I just love to listen to the high pitch sounds. I just wish to have a fretboard that makes it easier for me to slide my fingers quickly up and down the fretboard. Oh gosh, if there is any guitar that matches these features, it would surely leave my pocket empty in just one SWOOSH!!! One thing that i hate is, SAVE!! My parents will never accept or support me if i want to buy a guitar. So that means i have to save my money which eventually turns out to be my parent's money. I must save up to at least 800 bucks and my savings would add up to that amount by April 2008 i guess. Question is, can i really put 90% of my weekly allowance aside for my intended guitar? Sigh.. So it's either gonna be Ibanez, Schecter or ESP.

It is truly in God's hand. He who will determine when and who He
will call upon to him. One moment, our loved ones are right
beside us..joking, laughing, groaning, scolding. And with just a
blink of an eye, everything changed. With just a snap of a finger,
our loved ones have left us in this cruel world. We can cry in
sober when we lose our loved ones but crying too much would
mean that we are unwilling to let him/her leave. Leaving us and
this world would mean that God loves him/her and that He
doesn't want him/her to commit any more sins. So let's all pray
for our loved ones, their safety, their health... And if they have to
leave this world without a note or goodbye, let it be in their sleep.
It's rather peaceful.

just HOW?

It was just now, that i found the Black Tiger deck that i claimed to have lost it. But how did it reappear? Unknowingly, it appeared right in front of me when i was having tea alone in the living room. Was it an illusion? Something is really amiss. I then tried playing along with my parents asking if they took that deck and hid it from me. But they seemed serious and thus convinced me that they didn't take it. Well, it doesn't matter now. What matters is, I have 2 Black Tiger decks with me right now. Cool right? Yay!!!

The First Move

My loneliness has made me more tempted to find a companion which would keep me company, make me feel secured and peaceful. Always making me smile and laugh whenever we chat. And even jokes that are endless. I used to experience these previously. At first, i thought i would be with her for a very long time, perhaps forever. Perhaps i was so into love at that time. Well, things went the other way. I was already so happy with her. Life full of joy. One fine day, she sent me an email wanting to go separate ways. It wasn't just like that of course, long story. All i could say is, good things sure come to an end. For almost a year, i've been bearing it. But now, i possibly can't. My loneliness has become intensed. Thing is, should i make the first move? What if i made a fool out of myself? What if she doesn't even bear any feelings for me? What if she doesn't even know who i am? That would be a moment when i will never face up to myself ever again. But peer pressure showed that i SHOULD make the first move. At least tell her that i fancy her. But..what if they are attached? Arrghh!!! I would get instantaneous bashing from her boyfriend. Anyone, help me with this stuff?

p.s. no specific person/girl involved

Just a random photo of me. In the midst of becoming a street magician huh..

Fuckin' Frustrated

I would like to express my feelings regarding a matter. Today seemed to one of my luckiest days. This may sound silly to ya'll but it's not to me. It's so hard to find a BICYCLE card deck, especially a BLACK TIGER. I went to the ICA with my family to make a replacement of my IC. After that, we went to Raffles Hospital to eat our breakfast/lunch. We then went to a nearby shopping centre which seemed to be uncrowded. It doesn't look like a shopping centre to me. It was very quiet inside. As we were walking inside, i came across a shop. My first sight was, some mahjong tiles. Just before i looked away, i saw a typical BICYCLE deck. I lay my eyes on it for quite some time.

Then i approached the shop slowly and glanced at the display. There were actually more. The shop tender who was an old lady(not so old till she can't walk..she was well-conversed in english though), she asked me to come in and take a look at the BICYCLE decks she has in store. I was astounded. There were more than BICYCLE. All the undistributed decks from USA were there. I saw a black BICYCLE deck which is BLACK TIGER and asked her for the price. It was 12 bucks. Well, it's a typical price for a black BICYCLE deck. So i took it for 12 bucks. I didn't tell my dad that i bought it because he will scold thinking that i bought that deck to gamble. Actually, i bought it because it's appealing and seems to be the most attractive card deck. Besides that, i bought to practice and learn some magic tricks. Once i reached home, i headed for my room and unwrapped the transparent plastic that enclosed the deck box. The moment i touched the cards, i soon fell in love with it. I kept it all in one piece and hid it under my blanket and then went to living room to play some games and surf the net on my notebook.

After about 2 hours, i went into my room to try out some magic tricks. It was GONE. I looked for everywhere in my house without telling my parents what i was actually looking for though they kept asking me. I have my mum in mind. I think she went into my room to place some clothes in my cupboard. It couldn't be my sister. Why would she wanna take it? She doesn't even know how to name the four houses. It could be my dad, but he slept when we reached home. It was my first ever card deck. And it cost me 12 bucks. That's a lot of money. I can jamm with my band with it. Gosh.. Arrghh.. I can't ask my mum and dad whether they entered my room and took something that belongs to me in the presence of each other. I'll be doomed if so. Sigh.. I'm fuckin' frustrated right now.

I really admire this video. I know it's kinda outdated but i just feel like posting about it. Matt used to scream like hell in the past. And i like this scream of his. It's awesome. Hope he can take the dare to scream again, at least once would do.

Relieved..

On my journey to school today, i couldn't help feeling damn anxious. Possible outcome is that i retain or promoted. Getting retained alone would be the end of the world to me. Some said getting retained would be a good thing because we will be given a chance to start all over again and possibly do exceptionally well for the next promotional examination. However, surprisingly, i got PROMOTED. Of course i was really happy when i didn't see my name on the board outside the G.O. But i couldn't let it out because i was still uncertain. Well, eventually, those names that do not appear on the board means that those people would be promoted. Based on the results of my promotional examination, the possibility of me promoting is 50:50. The moderation was really outstanding and exaggerating. I would like to thank God for answering my prayers and giving me a second chance to prove myself worthy to be a JC2 student. Nevertheless, i feel sad for my friends who did not make to JC2 namely R*****, A****, J**N***. These 3 guys have been the closest to me and now, we'll be physically apart. I had high hopes for them to promoted. I was astonished myself, to be hearing news about them not getting to be promoted. They didn't look upset either. I would like to wish my friends who couldn't make it, all the best for their journey to the promos next year. I bet ya'll do extremely well and at least be able to establish yourselves as the top students. Meanwhile, i'll do my very best for A levels, now that i've been given a chance. I'll do anything to clear my doubts about any subjects. No more SHY guy, it's time for DARE guy.

I guess i'll not go for her. I think it's dumb of me to do that. It is also not pleasant to be a person who always have a change of heart. It makes me feel as if i'm not true to the person I truly love and particularly, myself. I really miss this someone. There have been a repetition of this but it just makes me feel a lot better. Though the time we spent together was FANTASTICALLY little, I wish i had cherished those days and better, cherish YOU. Why do you have to pull my mine along with yours? Sigh..I also think that i'm becoming more eMo nowadays. Even my friends said so. I don't even wanna be an emo person, who rarely socialises. But the problem that has been tailing me since, has made me into one. Argh!!!

I'm beginning to really fall in love with this girl. It all started from a mere crush which i feel is stupid. She's the talk of the town. How can she ever be my girlfriend? The more lonely I've become, the more desperate i become. Haha. When i say desperate, it doesn't mean Really-A-Despo. She's of course, very beautiful and admirable, adorable too. At first, i thought she ain't gonna be friendly. But it turned out that she actually IS friendly. Whenever i chat with her online, i will feel happy, like never before. It's been a long time since i last had this emotion. Sometimes i wonder when will this speckle of happiness come. I've been longing and YEARNING for it. I definitely can't make it come, so i might just have to wait. I'm furious at myself. Why do I get to know her and make friends with her only now?; when school is nearing end(in fact, it already ended). Furthermore, i don't even know if i'll be leveling up or remain at the same level. I doubt she will remain. So my only hope is to get promoted. I didn't meet the promotional criteria i guess, but i hope this time, they'll do it by ranks and i sincerely hope that i'm not at the bottom 300 or 400 of the whole cohort, 1000. My last words for today, It would be GREAT if you could be mine. Even if it seems impossible, i'm sure it can be made POSSIBLE.

JC1 ends..

Today was the last day we will be in the classroom together as a class. Today marked the end of JC1. However, the day when we will know whether we'll be going separate ways is not today. We are going to enjoy and let the devil out of us free for a while and as 9 Nov approaches, it is time. Embrace yourself, young minds. For that day will determine your fates. Wah, i sound awkward. Haha. Anyway, i didn't take many photos on my phone today. I did take 1 or 2.

This photo irks me. Haha. This allen wanted to act g@y but since it's the last day, i just played along. And that marcus, always a pain in the ass. =D

..throwing oil to the fire

I'm already feeling down about my performance. I really want to be promoted. No matter what it takes. Even if I had to go for probation, i'll be willing to. If anything goes wrong during my journey to achieving my dreams, i'll feel like killing myself. My dreams are everything to me. I have to get them. There is no exception. Now, there is another thing that makes or rather made me more upset. It's about my ex. I guess she's attached now. I don't know how to describe the feeling that i have for. It's between 'special friend' and 'just a friend'. I used to be hyper and joyous when i sms her last time. But now, i'm not anymore. I guess it's not pleasant to sms with a person who already belongs to another. I have many eye-candies in school. If i could, i would get one of them to be my girlfriend(if they accept), but i just didn't want to. For what reasons, they are unclear. But i wish to salute her, coz she managed to push through all the obstacles and got herself out of the maze. I'm really happy for her and also, I hope you'll be happy with him. =)

i just need one more chance..

I was leniently given a chance. A chance to prove myself worthy of proceeding to the next level. I know I did everything i could to get what i want, what i really want. Grabbing this chance would mean almost everything in my life. I failed to grab this opportunity. My intention was never to break my own record. I still never ponder about what my next step would be, cause I still have some faith in myself. Though it deceived me, once. I'm gonna take this damn risk. I'm gonna give it one more try. Please God, just give me one more chance. I don't wish to fail this mission. I hope He grants me this important prayer of mine. I really plead upon You.

..think i have what i want already

This is just a random picture i took with Weicheng and Weihan today during the PW workshop. It was as if it was our last days.

This is a picture of four of the most talented and gifted football players in S29. Cool eh? Haha. I was just kidding. In fact, we play soccer well. As in, our combination is really effective. We are called 'Imba' which was named by our Chairman of the team, Weihan. Hehe. Anyway, today i just added an additional RAM into my notebook. I thought i could change/improve the graphics of my notebook but i actually can't. There's no way i can change what's on the motherboard. But i think i have what i want already. An additional RAM and since i can't buy a new graphics card, i cancelled it out of the list. You know, i met my classmate when i was near the entrance of lot 1. I think she looks better now. Erm..kinda hot. A pity i just said 'hi', smiled as if i haven't seen her for a long time which in fact, is true, and then just continued walking. It was so stupid of me. We could have grab a table in Mac, buy a drink and have a nice conversation. Haha. Everything seems to have changed. The relief part is, i've just made a new ezlink card. It's one of the things under my 'essential' list. Without it, i can't go anywhere, man. But one thing is, the lady didn't align my photo properly and it looked kinda 'senget'. She treats me nicely though. =)

Sad thing.

Hi guys, i just returned from a memorable trip with my fellow secondary school friends and a very deary pal, Angelo. His family moved to Dubai for some reasons that we ought not to know. We understand that. Perhaps it might upset him or his family members if we were to ask. He was on his journey back to his homeland, Philippines where he will continue his education. But along the way, he dropped by Singapore to visit us and probably spend some time with us. It was really nice to see him again. But it's sad he could only be with us for less than half a day. It's really a long journey though we spent only about 5 hours with him. Here are the pictures i took. There's more but we have to wait for Kelvin to create an online photo album and then i'll post em' here.

The first journey ends..

It feels so great that it is all over now. But it is not entirely the end yet.. I would either repeat the whole year or proceed to JC2 to complete the second major examination after GCE O level, which is GCE A level. The examination that determines my being in RSAF. I will take my instructor's words seriously, and i will try my best and hope that i'll meet him again in RSAF. I have indeed been looking forward to this day, expecting great stuffs that can be done within this time period. Ironically, though it's after promos, there's absolutely nothing much to do. It is so boring. I miss exams, school and my eyecandies, =D. During this short-term holiday, i'll also have dinner with my sweet little jiejie. Haha. It's been a long time since i last met her. Many things that i can actually are restricted due to the fasting month. But it's not a bad thing, you see. I can save money too. Haha. So that i can spend after the fasting month. And not to forget, further improve my guitartistic skills. Hehe. Not to be the fastest finger among others, but the one who produces the most soothing and creative sounds. Anyway, i don't what more to post about. I shall end here.

..

It's been a long time since we last met.
It is really a very very long time.
Your face keeps flashing in my mind.
I sometimes imagine that you were
with me and those times i smiled to myself.
I just wish those imaginations could become real.
My attempts to find you everyday keep
going down the drain along with the drifting waters.
I strongly believe that we would be together again.
Because of you, i still got no strength to start.
How do i make myself hate you?
Think it through, i don't wish to..
I wanna remember the moments we had
under the small hut, especially..
I guess most of our times were spent at
that very spot. Haha..
I did everything in my hand to impress you.
Still, it wasn't fruitful.
If i were to meet you again next time,
i'll hold you tight in my arms and never ever let you go.

Goodbye..

So i guess it is goodbye to my Motorola E1070. It was deliberately but silently stolen. The thing is, i placed it on my bag with my shirt covering it and i put it among many bags that belong to my friends. I was playing basketball with my friends and our bags were less than 15 feet away. How could anyone just took without our knowledge. Sigh.. That phone has been my very best companion. A lot of memories with it. I would like to thank my friends who even cared to stay back for some time to help me look for it. I really appreciate it. The results however weren't fruitful. What am i going to do now? That phone has always been of great use to me. Now it is just gone.

Is this the end?

i guess this marks the end of me
being an SYFC pilot, and also a
youth pilot. I'm really very sad
right now. I've never felt so sad
this is because it feels like my
dreams have shattered..
Yes, sometimes i dreaded going
for my flights.. But now, i just
have to be phased out, or shouldn't
i say that.. 'Phased out' seems to be
a negative word. I had a talk with
my instructor SIM CK.. He said
that he would put me through
phase 2. But, i just have too many
CxWx for a phase 1 pilot..
Seriously, it's because of these
CxWx that i didn't have time to
at least complete phase 1..
Of course, i can't blame the
weather for this. It just wasn't
my day. I love those moments
when i'm in the air, looking down
and i could see everything that is
in Singapore..i could even see PJC.
Flying through the clouds were a
great experience too.
I must and should say that i had the
best and caring flying instructor
that anyone can ever imagine of.
Despite the few scoldings in the plane,
he really was and still the best.
I had a great time flying with him.
There is an aura of confidence in him
and enters my body everytime i flew
with him. He said, he could have put
me through. But with the remaining time,
by the time i go for my 1st solo,
it will be my promos, which is also very
important for me cuz I have to be promoted
to J2. He wants me to concentrate on my
studies, and get tremendous A level grades
and apply for air force after that.
He strongly encouraged me to do that.
And i somewhat agreed with him..
Sigh..i guess this IS the end..
Tomorrow will be my last flight
as a youth pilot.. i just felt like
breaking down.. I put all my effort
to get into SYFC..a place where my
future career stands.

I'm really at a loss for words.
I'm really all stressed up..
I had my a parent-meeting session
in school regarding my results today.
I felt sad for my parents and
disappointed in myself..
In the JC life, it is all about
application of knowledge, not
about content only..
And that's where the problem lies:
APPLICATION..
Furthermore, my SYFC was involved.
The VP said that i will have to
quit it.. FUCK IT!!! I won't.
I don't see any relation of SYFC
with my MYE results at all...
That's not all..from now on, i can
only leave school at 9pm because
of the compulsary night study..
I find it beneficial if we stay back
twice or thrice a week but imagine
everyday? And with reluctance?
This ain't gonna work, sucker.
I just miss BOYCOTTED..
i miss the times we jamm at
the studio..all crazy and funky.
I miss those jokes.. unfortunately,
my guitar would be kept till promo.
I have to get promoted to JC2
whatever it is. But that does not mean
boycot me from all my stuff.
Sigh..i need intensed guidance..

What the fuckin' hell is wrong with these people?
What is their main intention of holding
innocent minds as hostages and showing
no mercy to them?? Though those hostages
are not related to me, i feel really sad
for the family of the deceased..
The way they were murdered was really
inhumane, according to the news reporter.
I wonder how it must have felt being
murdered mercilessly..It must have been
unexpected. It's like you are asked to turn behind
and face a plain meaningless wall,
drips of sweats of fear trickle down your
forehead..you don't know what's gonna happen.
Then in a glimpse of an eye, everything went
blank..or it could be worse. They murder you
slowly so that you can feel the excruciating
pain. I really can't imagine it..
If only i had the power to entirely eliminate
any aggressors that is standing this ground
of earth. If only i can read people's minds,
like their plans to do something bad or anything.
Sigh..just where do their human conscience go?
Can somebody stop this hell!!??

The mysterious girl in my dream..

I had a dream last night, of meeting a girl
whom i've yet to know..
a sweet, nice, average looking girl.
I can't even remember how
i got to meet her. She seemed to
be of the same age as me.
I can remember that when i met her,
we walked around and had
loads of fun..where? exactly i don't know.
I can't recall that vividly..
Then, it was time for her to go,
i don't know where..
And i held her hand, and kissed
it, and i cried. I really cried..
I cried as if she had made me
so happy that i couldn't bear
to let her leave.. and...
she was gone..
i woke up soon after.
Whoever that girl was, I wish
i could meet her someday.
I wanna feel happy like before.
sigh..

..pissed off am i today.
I was supposed to have my 7th
flight today at 1640 but the stupid
school event held me back..
Have you no idea how many flights
i cancelled over the past few days?
It's not that we can cancel our
flights anytime we want..
that club doesn't belong to me.
I already complied with that
sucker asshole CCA HOD that
i'll cancel my morning flights and
book afternoon flights..i just did..
And the annoying thing was, she
was always nowhere to be found.
I searched for her fucking asshole
all over the school and couldn't
find her. Just where the fucking
hell was she? AARRGHHH!!!
Why is this school making things
damn hard for me to handle!!??
One after another, more problems
arrive. I can't deal with these
all at one go, can i? Of course not.
Morever, my bloody CT already
spoilt my mood.. i'll be meeting
the principal with my parents
for "good"..
Whatever it is, i have to complete
my phase 1 before the
meet-the-parent session.
I just met my syfc coursemate,
Ben who is in PJC too.
He told me that he was asked to
meet the principal and CCA HOD.
His results was not that bad, why
would he have to see them??
The CCA HOD called syfc and told
auntie winnie about it..and
Ben was nearly phased out..
lucky the instructor he flew with
wasn't his primary instructor
so they gave him a chance to re-fly
the sortie but i'm not sure if he
will be phased out..
Sigh..why have i become more
dumb and stupid??
I studied really hard but i still
can't achieve the grades that
i want.. Maybe because of the
negative externalities..
Maybe i've been spending time
on my laptop and FIFA 07..
I gotta stop this destructive habit.
Alright people, i'll be gone from here.

I will definitely never forget the wonderful experience
of flying in a genuine aircraft at a young age like this.
I guess not many youths have this chance..
I just have the feeling that i might be phased out.
Although i might advance to phase 2, i will
somehow be phased out half way as there isn't
enough time left to complete those flights..
It is just too many to complete.
The above picture is a picture of one of the
aircrafts in SYFC in the parking shed..
Though they are small, i really learnt a lot
in it. I would like to thank my friends and
family who have been supporting me to
continue this SYFC course..without them,
i would have simply withdrawn from it due
to the level of stress that i have to go through.
Despite my school's discouragement of this
course, my friends have always been there
to compensate the negativities..i'm really grateful.
I haven't been feeling emotionally well lately
due to this problem in school.. However, it just gets
better everyday..i feel better now..
I feel that i can manage time well right now
and i'm slowly catching up with my school work.
Below is a picture of a fighter jet that i've been
longing to navigate. With its speed faster than
the speed of sound, everything would be silent
in the cockpit except for the voices of you, your
weapons navigator and the air base, how cool will it be?
It is none other than the magnificent F-16..

Question..
must a person, especially
mothers, raise their voice
or shout at the top of their
lungs whenever they are
angry at us?
Unlike my father, he would
never scream when he scolds.
That's because he believes that
we are all grown up now.
There's no need to use methods
that is not good for own health.
Why mothers scream when they
scold?
Well, that's mainly because they
like to stress their throat so much?
Hmm..maybe they like to feel
tired? Haiz..i just don't understand.

Deathly Hallows temptation

What the hell!!??
I wanna buy the new
harry potter book,
the deathly hallows.
It will be the last story,
how sad.. =(
I wish i could buy it but
my allowance hasan't
come in yet..
The cover alone looks
appealing and seducing.
I don't wanna listen to
others who have read it
tell me the story line.
I'll never listen to them.
I don't give a damn,
i'm gonna do everything
so that my mum would
buy them for me..muahaha

I thought i have grown stronger.
I can face such hurtful jokes
without even stressing myself.
I was wrong.
i just can't take it anymore.
I'm at a new level now..
i feel that at this level,
it's worse than before.
There are challenges that
await..these challenges can
bring me down anytime.
I would lose if i go beyond
the limits.
It is indeed fun, teasing
people. The outcome is,
you get a sense of satisfaction.
You laugh, other people laugh.
There will be smiley faces around.
But what they do not take note,
is the one that is being teased.
It is hurtful, very hurtful inside.
Nobody can ever imagine that.
That's because they are not the ones
who go through every day in school.
A sensitive one i am..i can't help it.
I've told my friends about is too
strong for me to withstand and what
is not. And this time, it is fuckin
unwithstandable..
I wish i could just blow it out
and the hot ashes and lava would
hit their faces and disfigure them.
But hell no, that is too evil..
and i'm not..i just kept mum.
And you know what? It seems to
be the best solution to this never-
ending problem.
Keeping mum as if i don't care.
Answers to questions are monotonous.
Eventually, they will stop bothering,
for a while that is.
Now i'm in a new environment which
is yet to completely adapt.
I wonder, should i value this friendship?
Do they value friendship?
Do they know what a friend should
and should not do?
Just think of it for a sec alright?

GM's Dialogue

During the GM dialogue, we were
asked if we had anything to ask
or comment on..anything on syfc.
The staff, instructors, facilities..
We had nothing to say..i guess
cause everything was fine so far.
Since we had nothing to say, the GM
told us about his life story..about him
being in RSAF, the life he went through,
a few years of not spending time
with his family..and the things he did
during training in RSAF.
He went through the BMT for 3 months
and after that, he was assigned to
air force. After some time, he was again
assigned to F5, a fighter jet.
After a year of about 100 flights,
he became an F5 trainer.
He was then chosen to be an F16 pilot.
Then he was sent to the states for
training..manouveures and aerobatics.
There was operation red flag..
listening to him speak made me more
determined to go to airforce and
navigate the fighter jet. You guys should
go to youtube and search of
operation red flag.. it was really cool
and just cool..haha..
pilots from other countries were
present..there was this red team
and green team..
But the bad thing is, we won't be
able to see our family for about
3 to 5 years. We'll be staying
overseas..meeting different people
of different religions and races.
But the good thing is, if we are
opted to go for local universities
scholarships, our tuition and
everything else is paid for.
On top of that, while we study,
$4ooo++ will constantly being
added in our bank account.
Isn't that great? Wow..

Last day of 152 together

I had my groundschool at seletar
today.. I was supposed to have my
flight, my sortie 5 but really
unfortunately, it rained..
a heavy downpour..
I expected the rain to last
long and it did..
There it happened again.
I had 5 Cx..it was the worst
thing that could happen to me.
Lucky some of my course mates
came early so i spent time with
them in the sim room, ops room
and cafe too. 1240 was approaching
so we went up to the mass briefing
room at level 2.
We had a dialogue session with
the GM(general manager)..
We had 'nothing' to stress out
to him which he assumed that
we are so far happy being in syfc.
In fact, we are. The special friends
from different JCs around the island.
I'm really fortunate to have met them.
They are not those arrogant type though
they are academically genius.
Some are from RJC, HCJC, NJC,
and even NUS high..i had fun with them
during groundschool..
Today would be the last day we'll
be having mass briefs and groundschool
together..We would meet each other
before our flights if we are lucky.
One of my coursemates even
composed a song called,
'my friends from 152'..it was nice
and soothing..the lyrics are touching too.
I'll really treasure the great friends
i made in the youth flying club..

encourage lah..

There is one thing about my
current institution that i'm
pissed off with.. damn..
My inst doesn't encourage
students to join SYFC
mainly because flights will
clash with lessons and this
might affect the student's
performance in their studies.
This is true..i agree..
But it's up to the students to
join that club..because this
is what they want..
Take me for example,
i join syfc because i want to
be a pilot..
either a fighter or commercial.
It is for my future..my dream.
The inst has no damn right to
stop us from reaching our dreams.
The VP told me just now,
"I don't give a damn of how much
you pay for the flying lesson. You
have to follow my rules."
That truly sucks lah..
Of course he could say that because
he isn't the one taking the lesson.
It's not his ambition anyway, it's mine.
I don't give a damn too..
And don't think that i can't cope
with my studies..
let me explain for my results.
I just need some time to adapt
to the new system..and subjects too.
It will take time for me to climb
up the ladder that keeps
shortening in length.. and also,
i need someone to at least motivate
and encourage me to do better.
Not discourage me and make me
lose hope..damn ass..
I like my CT..she's the best.
She understands me the best.
I had a talk with her and she said
she's very concerned for me
judging by my current results.
She said she can't stop what i'm doing
cause this is my dream..to be pilot.
She encouraged me a lot..
She told me firmly that she would
wanna see me in J2 next year.
And i told her.."I WILL!!!"
that's the kind of motivation i want.
I'm grateful my friends are there for me.
My greatest concern would be,
i'm afraid i might not be able
to advance to phase 2.
I need more confidence man.
That is how the instructors determine
whether we ought to go to phase 2.
I need to get all the checks right..
I must be confident..
At the same time, i must buck up
in my academics.
There is utterly no use having a PPL
with a low academic history.
I'm eyeing for the SAF scholarship.
I'm going to be the first known malay pilot.
No matter how steep the slope is.

The last day of the Old Grand Dame..

2 days ago(Saturday), i went to
kallang stadium along with some
of my 4A'07 classmates and one of
Albert's friend from his institution.
Towkoon was kind enough to book
the tickets beforehand as it was
damn crowded when we reached there.
In fact, it was already crowded when we
were walking there. We had to walk one
round and then crossed the overhead
bridge before we finally reached the stadium.
As a matter of fact, the displacement was
half the distance we walked..
As soon as we arrived, we grabbed the best
seats that we could find..
Soon enough, the match between the
s'pore veterans and m'sia veterans began.
Too bad Fandi Ahmad couldn't make it for
he was and is still in Indonesia coaching
his team. The game was pretty slow well
because thet are old and their skills are
depleting.
There is one lady about the age of my mum
who kept laughing annoyingly at the way the
veterans were playing. It was as if she's the coach.
She also commented on one of the m'sia veterans
that he was plump and could hardly run..
When he was substituted, many applauded not
because of his great skills and play, but because
m'sia had finally taken out the black sheep
shall i say..
S'pore scored the first goal which was a very
cool and nice one by sundramoorthy..
He chipped the ball to the top corner.
During the second half, the game was pacing
up.. It became more challenging.
One of the s'pore defenders tackled
the m'sian striker from the back and
was awarded a penalty..that was how
m'sia equalised..final result was a draw.
We wished we could bring our own
bottles of drinks but we were prohibited.
probably because they fear that we fans
might throw the bottles at the players
or referees, or even the ball-pickers..haha..
Me and sooraj were dehydrating..
drinks were selling at 2 bucks per cup,
which i could simply get it at the minimart
near my house at $1.50 per 1.5litre.
So i couldn't afford to invest 2 dollars
on the small cup..such a waste of money.
The s'pore fans were cheering for
mark viduka and harry kewell..haha..
because they are the EPL stars..
i guess the s'pore players must have
been disheartened by that..
The aussie supporters were really hyper
i must say.. the moment they entered the
stadium, they cheered and captured
our attention.. whenever they were intervals
and funky songs were being played, they would
move to the groove and began dancing like
wild monkeys..haha..
s'pore players did well during the first half.
They missed many chances to score.
All the aussie players were BIG..haha..
S'pore didn't stand a chance..4 of our players
were injured just because of body contacts.
In the middle of the second half, kewell
came in and everyone started screaming
for him.. and he scored one for australia.
After the match, we supporters were asked
to stay for the closing ceremony of the
national stadium..
We went back to history for some time.
The hosts told about the great things that
happened in that national stadium that
made us proud of it.
Fireworks then began..they were damn
nice..and there was this heart shaped
firework but unfortunately, i couldn't
captured it cuz of camera problems.
After that, a band performed some covered
songs by other bands like U2, etc..
We jumped with joy, moving to the beat,
enjoying ourselves..
WELL, it was really a night to remember.
The memorable national stadium will
be torn down soon..sigh..
[There was this one girl whom i've been
keeping my eyes on at the stadium.
She was sitting a few rows below me.
She looks like an arabian but also
like an israeli..
She's not like some girls who care
so much on their dressing(materialistic).
Her dressing was simple..
She was of course sweet and her
smile was melting me..not really, haha..
I guess she's a PR cuz she speaks a bit
of singlish.
I really forgo my chances that time,
to get to know her..get her friendster
or even number? Haha..
At least make friends with her.
Frankly, that's the kind of girl
that i've been looking for but
situation had changed..
She and her siblings just went off
like that without me noticing..
Sigh..what an opportunity..

Night cycling

Looks like i have a bike
group of my own..
Whenever we go cycling,
it's always the same people.
Suraj, Farid and me..
Just last night, we went on
an adventurous trip around
choa chu kang..
All the dark places we went.
It wasn't my idea actually.
It was Suraj's.
The army detention barrack
was located so deep inside.
We decided to check it out.
As we were cycling up the
deserted road..we saw some
soldiers standing at the gate
and it was so silent..
Suraj thought they were
statues..and the instructors
were talking to the soldiers
quietly..
I bet they were up to something.
We u-turn to go to the big canal
and suraj showed us.
It was really huge and dark.
REALLY DARK, EERIE and DESERTED.
the only source of light was the moon
and i thought it was already bright.
We kept cycling down the pavement.
It was slippery and the feeling that
the water from the tyres hit our
legs, was unpleasant..
The light was dim and we could
hardly see whether it was canal
water or...or.. BLOOD!!??
You know what, we were really
lucky that Suraj led the way.
We were damn lucky that he
has light on his bike...
Just a few metres away, we saw a
signboard which read, "deep waters,
keep away, etc.."
It's a dead end.
If we hadn't stopped,
all of us would have fallen
off the STEEP slope and into
the deep waters.
We then saw buildings and colourful
lights at the other side.
We thought for quite some time.
Suraj then told us that that
place is Malaysia, Johore.
I was like..WHAT??
Malaysia? Near to Yew Tee?
And he kept convincing us.
We searched for networks on
our mobile phone..and there it was.
Malaysia operating reception:
Celcom, My Maxis, etc..
That was really Malaysia!!!
I was astonished..
Suraj took a big rock and threw
it into the waters..
The ripples spread really wide.
That means the depth is very
deep..
After that we headed back on course
and me and farid cycled
pretty fast back to Bukit Panjang.
Overall, it was really an adventurous
trip.. Hope we can go for the same trip
but more adventurous one some other time.

Bus Fare

I just don't understand about the
bus fare charges thingy..
Who on earth came up with this?
If you are a secondary school or
a pre-U student, your ez link fare
would be 45 cents. If you pay by
cash, it would be 55 cents.
That's acceptable and affordable.
But i have a strong disapproval
with the adult fares..
The adult ezlink fare is 80 to 90 cents.
But if you pay by cash..
Gosh!! Goddamn, it's $1.50.
It's total crap lah..
To think that buses are seen as
a necessary medium of transportation
for most of us who don't own cars.
To think that the demand for buses
is price inelastic, which means that
a change in price of the bus fare
would lead to a less than proportionate
change in the quantity demand for it.
To increase their total revenue and
maximise profit, they jolly-well
raise the price of bus fares.
What's the difference between
ezlink fare and cash-bus fare?
What's the BIG difference that there
is a huge difference between the price?
Are they doing all these for their
own benefits or for our own good?

Riding..

I went to woodlands regional library
this afternoon with jingyi,
to do my math holiday assignment,
and also to accompany her.
She just has this weird 'thing'
that she can't study at home.
She doesn't feel cosy and can't
concentrate when she studies
at home..and i was like kept
telling her to try and change
her attitude of adapting to
new environments..
Because if you always study outdoors,
you would eventually be tired
by the time u reach home.
As this goes on, you'll be even
more tired and can't study.
In the end, u won't go out and study.
Anyway, we stopped and went to
kfc to eat.
It's been a while since i last
ate zinger burger.
It really tasted good..
I had to rush home as i need to
get farid's bike to meet suraj
at the mac at bpp.
We were going cycling.
Actually, he wanted to test out
his walkie talkie.
Haha..it was kinda cool you know.
I brought mine too and connected
the walkie talkies.
We talked crap over the W.T.
We pushed our bikes along bangkit shops
and made unnecessary calls over the W.T,
people started looking at us.
It was really cool lah.
Wish we could bring the rest of
our friends and cycle together
and have a walkie talkie
in our hands and talking crap.
We haven't been doing that..

Dreams are killing..

It is my dream to fly.
It is my dream to be airborne.
It is my dream to sit in a cockpit.
And i already have, and still.
However, my dream is really
killing me.
It is really stressful to fly.
You got to get everything right.
You have to be a fast learner.
You have to make sure you do
your homeworks before flight.
I can do all that but the time
span that is available is just
not adequate.
seldom do i have the free time.
And not everyone can advance
to the PPL course.
Like the OM said, "it's ok if you
get phased out for everything
flight is a bonus."
I somehow agreed with that
but that doesn't mean i have
to let myself get phased out.
Oh God, please give me the
strength and motivation..

..i was part of it too

I just had a realization.
I was a part of it too.
After her phone was confiscated,
and we lost contact.
Her mum discovered about us
when she confiscated her phone.
Few weeks later, we managed
to contact each other via msn.
I was so so angry with her for
not even trying to contact me
that i somehow..scolded her.
I was too harsh on her..
Aaarghhh!!! Why do i realize it now?
She became mad at me and sent me
this email that changed my
personality till now.
In that email, included the lame
excuses why we lack the
compatibility, and that we should
go separate ways and all that crap.
Sigh...................................................
But it's too late right now.
Nothing can change her mind.
Her mind is set, i'm no longer
in her picture gallery.
No matter how hard i try,
i still can't get her back.
I hardly get the chance to
chat with her...
I'm really such a hardass..

sortie 2

I had my sortie 2 today.
Seriously i'm slower than the rest.
But it's ok, i'm gonna book the
whole of next week.
I need to catch up..gosh..
It's 6 more flights to go
and it's not like i can get
all of the bookings.
Anyway, i cleared my external
checks, which means i can just
do the external checks first
and wait for my instructor
in the aircraft.
I learned how to navigate
the plane.
Nothing much really..
But things are becoming better
and better as i progress
from one sortie to another.

A new face..

Hi guys, i've just changed into a new skin. And i've yet to update on certain parts. Don't worry, i'll update soon. As for the music, i'll update once every 2 days or so. So enjoy.. =)

..continued, 15.06.07 4A Outing

4A Outing 15/06/07

I just can't bring myself
to talk to you.
I'm sorry pal.
I just can't.
I mean, i wanted to.
But with the rest
making those unnecessary
gestures, it just changed my mind.
It doesn't seem right anymore.
I'm just sorry, man.

What type of heart does she has?
Why do i say that?
That's because, when we fell apart,
under my reluctance,
there was just no side effects for her.
She was just fine.
How did she do that?
I'm darn sad and depressed,
unfortunately till now,
she's now so happy with her friends.
And even now, heard she has a crush
on someone else.
That was pretty fast.
Was her feelings when we
were together real?
I still remember her saying
it was the first time
she was really really fallin
in love.
I felt happy for that.
We were chattin like we
were really so into each other.
All the really funny jokes we made,
S....I..G...H...
i really miss those jokes.
Whenever we were bored,
we would sms each other.
I guess we sms each other 24/7.
We would ask each other to
go online, pushing each other around.
Wonder how all these could just
be blown away in just
one glimpse of an eye.
How i wish i could talk to her
right now.
She can't imagine how badly
i miss her right now
That cheerful look on her face
makes me jealous.
Though we're in different
institutions right now,
which was supposed to be a
good thing for couples who
had just went separate ways,
i just miss her so much.
She made me so happy..
till i even placed my student
council tie and position
on the DM's table with no regrets.
I did all that for her.
Not that she wanted me to,
i wanna spend my time with her,
rather than going round the school
capturing victims of regulations.
Now i'm bringin it all out.
WAJIHAH!!! HOW CAN I GET U
TO EVEN TALK TO ME!!!???
Please..just by talking to u,
it would make me really happy..
no strings attached..
please..please.. ='(
God..