..throwing oil to the fire

I'm already feeling down about my performance. I really want to be promoted. No matter what it takes. Even if I had to go for probation, i'll be willing to. If anything goes wrong during my journey to achieving my dreams, i'll feel like killing myself. My dreams are everything to me. I have to get them. There is no exception. Now, there is another thing that makes or rather made me more upset. It's about my ex. I guess she's attached now. I don't know how to describe the feeling that i have for. It's between 'special friend' and 'just a friend'. I used to be hyper and joyous when i sms her last time. But now, i'm not anymore. I guess it's not pleasant to sms with a person who already belongs to another. I have many eye-candies in school. If i could, i would get one of them to be my girlfriend(if they accept), but i just didn't want to. For what reasons, they are unclear. But i wish to salute her, coz she managed to push through all the obstacles and got herself out of the maze. I'm really happy for her and also, I hope you'll be happy with him. =)