..continued, 15.06.07 4A Outing

4A Outing 15/06/07

I just can't bring myself
to talk to you.
I'm sorry pal.
I just can't.
I mean, i wanted to.
But with the rest
making those unnecessary
gestures, it just changed my mind.
It doesn't seem right anymore.
I'm just sorry, man.

What type of heart does she has?
Why do i say that?
That's because, when we fell apart,
under my reluctance,
there was just no side effects for her.
She was just fine.
How did she do that?
I'm darn sad and depressed,
unfortunately till now,
she's now so happy with her friends.
And even now, heard she has a crush
on someone else.
That was pretty fast.
Was her feelings when we
were together real?
I still remember her saying
it was the first time
she was really really fallin
in love.
I felt happy for that.
We were chattin like we
were really so into each other.
All the really funny jokes we made,
S....I..G...H...
i really miss those jokes.
Whenever we were bored,
we would sms each other.
I guess we sms each other 24/7.
We would ask each other to
go online, pushing each other around.
Wonder how all these could just
be blown away in just
one glimpse of an eye.
How i wish i could talk to her
right now.
She can't imagine how badly
i miss her right now
That cheerful look on her face
makes me jealous.
Though we're in different
institutions right now,
which was supposed to be a
good thing for couples who
had just went separate ways,
i just miss her so much.
She made me so happy..
till i even placed my student
council tie and position
on the DM's table with no regrets.
I did all that for her.
Not that she wanted me to,
i wanna spend my time with her,
rather than going round the school
capturing victims of regulations.
Now i'm bringin it all out.
WAJIHAH!!! HOW CAN I GET U
TO EVEN TALK TO ME!!!???
Please..just by talking to u,
it would make me really happy..
no strings attached..
please..please.. ='(
God..

On my way home from SYFC,
I was bus service no 963.
There was also a girl, i can't
really tell her age.
Perhaps my age? Haha.
Ok, time for description.
She was so so fine, broke my mind.
She was really pretty and
dressed up well.
One thing she's hotzz..haha
Ok, it's so random that i'm
posting about this.
I just feel like posting. Haha.
Today was parents teachers day
at SYFC.
Parents were given joyrides and
tours around the club/school.
I managed to see the aircraft
that my parents boarded
which is Oscar-Mike.
I wonder how will my parents'
reactions be?
My mum would definitely be
screaming at the top of her lungs.
My dad..hmm..i don't know.
I ought to ask my mum about him.
Haha..well, i gotta go now. Bye.

There is one thing I wish to forget about.
She's a nice person in my eyes.
And I've been carrying a torch for her
ever since we were separated.
I've always thought that we are meant
to be together again, maybe someday.
But after getting something clear,
I guess we will never be together again.
She will go away from me, very far away.
We might never meet in the future.
That would be a sad thing for me.
I wanted to move on but..sigh..
Just last night, i dreamt of her.
Recalling, i was in a classroom sitting
right next to her.
We were talking to each other as if
we're bestest of friends.
When it was time for me to go,
i bid her farewell and walked off.
Of course, my dream wasn't this short,
it was much longer.
Never mind, maybe it's best if i keep
it to myself.
I just wish that we would be like before.

I had my sortie 1 today.
It was my first flight.
Nervous and afraid I was.
Instructor showed me
the external checks.
Quite easy I must say.
Boarded the piper and
strapped in.
Throttle open.
Test brakes.
My reflexes were somehow
insensitive to orders.
I was screwed.
Frankly, i did not even know
how much must I step the
rudder brakes, etc.
I was asked to taxy to whiskey 1.
It didn't went smoothly.
My inst. scolded me and
lectured me like hell.
When airborne, I was shown the
checkpoints.
I screwed up in some parts too.
Damn..my mind was really somewhere
else today.
Finally, my inst. did some
beyond-extraordinary manoveures
and stunts: beyond positive and negative
3G. That was really beyond limits la.
My body couldn't really take it.
I actually wanted my inst. to stop it.
But it's my dream, why not get over it?
I managed to fight it..yippie.
after landing..my taxying back to the
dispersal was better.
Even my inst. complimented me.
Really felt relieved.
After debrief, i know most of the things
that i'm supposed to know.

I've just completed my Sim 1 today.
I was really a noob.
I didn't even know how to
operate the flaps. (Now i know)
I was really an idiot la.
We're supposed to pull the lever
back a bit and the depress the button.
I foolishly tried to depress the button
without doing the first step.
At first i thought i wasn't strong enough.
Then it would be very hard for me
when i'm in a real aircraft. Haha.
I also had mental block.(wonder if it's
spelled correctly)
I had practiced my checks really
carefully.
The moment i entered the visually
manipulated machine, everything
was gone.
I had to refer to the FRC.
I felt that i left a damn bad impression
on Mr Hi(the sim instructor).
But he's really a nice guy.
Glad to have him as our instructor. =)
Wish me the best.

A/C: Skylark ops, skylark 89 radio check
ATC: Skylark 89, skylark ops read you strength 5, number 1 for taxy
A/C: Skylark 89 strength 5, number 1 for taxy
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cool ain't it?
You don't really understand it, right?
This is less than 10% of what i've
learnt during the 3 to 4 weeks of
being in SYFC.
This is radio telephony.
I'm really thankful that i was
accepted to be one of the youths
in SYFC.
It's been a great journey.
Everytime we are having lectures,
we could hear the sounds of
engines that are gradually pumping
fuel.
It's really cool.
And we would gather at the room window
to witness the aircrafts taking off,
and landing too.
Some of my course mates have boarded
their first flights.
I'm just patiently waiting for mine.
I'm gonna work hard to get through
phase 1, and then all the way to PPL course.
MUAHAHA!!! =)

I really feel very sad
and deeply depressed.
I read a source online,
and learned that the
person that i've been
sort of carrying a torch
for, has a crush with
some other guy...
I don't blame her.
I'm just sad because
i'm surprised i don't
even exist to her anymore.
But everyday, every minute,
i feel her presence and her
heart beating.
She still exists to me.
I'm not gonna cry again.
I'm turning 17 this year.
Reaching adult stage.
I gotta put these things
aside for now.
My studies..
My ambition..
I have to settle these first.
I hope my next love, would
appreciate my love,
would always care for me,
would understand me,
and would always be with me,
which would be after i
achieved my dream.
Sigh.. ='(

I had physics extra lesson this morning,
from 0900 to 1000.
Actually, it wasn't even a lesson.
Just to give out our physics test.
Sadly, i failed. I hate the feeling, man.
I got 6 of 25.
It was really badly done.
Most of my classmates got higher,
as though the paper was an easy one.
However, at the sight of my test results,
instead of pulling me down, it brings me up.
I have the motivation to study harder
and do better for the subject that i'm
expected to get good grades.
As the bell rang, everyone stood
with joy as though we had just finished
our A levels. Haha.
After that, me and my classmates sat down
at the cafe to decide on the next
destination.
After much decisions, we went to bukit timah
to have our breakfast at Al-Azhar.
Foods were quite appetizing.
We generally ate similar foods: Roti Prata.
We then went to I.R.C to play pool.
Honestly, i've improved. Haha.
Though my posture looks really 'noob',
my shots were somehow quite accurate.
I really had fun at the I.R.C.
Whenever our shots didn't reach
the destination, we accused one another
of putting a curse.
We soon dominate the whole area. Haha.
2 hours of hitting balls with sticks, we then
headed for Soehendra's house for the
07S29 Winning Eleven Championship.
I lost at the second round. =(
Cuz i was assigned to Germany,
which I thought is a very strong team
but ironically, it isn't.
The players are damn slow ah.
I kept asking them to run in front,
but they just dilly-dallied.
Felt like smacking their faces.
But i'm no sore loser.
I guess i wasn't strong and skilful enough.
Reached home around 1920,
Aimi signing out.

Boycotted went to alvron 2 days ago,
which was a sunday
It's been a few months since we last
jamm'ed at alvron
for a few reasons.
The equipments are inadequate,
amps suck, they do not open on time,
equipments are also faulty and they
do not do anything about it though
we consulted them.
Lastly, the 3 drums do not have
double pedal.
We thought that alvron has changed.
Me and farid arrived there at 12.50
and gosh, they still had not opened.
They're still the same, man.
After we paid, my friends said that
the double pedal is faulty.
When i checked it, the linkage was
broken.
Ali called for the lady who served us
but she didn't do anything about
the goddamn pedal.
Soon after, another lady came into
our room and asked us to change
to another room simply because there
was an 'ang-moh' band who wanted the
room so badly.
Fuck off ah..who cares if they're 'ang-moh'.
But my friends insisted on going to the next
room. It was really a bad day.
However, we still enjoyed jammin.
We screamed, moshed, etc.
But still, the amps still suck like hell.
I prefer yishun or masala.
*My vocal pitch has improved..
Overall, my vocal has improved
and i'm proud of it. Haha..

Hi guys..below is an extraction from a bulletin in my friendster. I've decided to post on it because I have a disapproval of something.

" Guys...realize that the girl holdingonto u..
is PERFECT in her own special way.
The way she laughs..
The way she sleeps..
The way she loves you..
The way she tries to please you...
Always remember that.
She can always get up and walk away,getting someone else who can love hermore.
For all you know,there is someone out there wooing her already,
but she is rejecting,
a maybe perfect love for her..
There might also be someone out there..
who is willing to love her more than you are loving her now,
fufill her every need and love her as much as she loves you.
Understand that.
Imagine this, guys.When you are holding her today...
and then you cheat on her by hugging and kissing another gal.
and then you run back to her...
and u do the same....
but you see love in her eyes...
What do you think?
Do you feel the hurt?
Can you feel the guilt?
She loves you not because you are good looking,
have money,buy her things,make her parents happy,
or that you have a car.
She loves you for who you are.
Your every touch,
every word you say,
everything you do.
Guys, cherish and appreciate your girl.
Don't break her fragile heart.
She is the only one who can love you that way.
You won't wanna regret letting go of that special girl you have.
For everything she has done for you,
the least you can do is to give her unconditional love as she has given to you.
Girls and guys... if you agree withthis,
repost this just so that everyone can read this and appreciate their girls more. "

I truly agree with this bulletin. I did what's right for every girlfriend I have. I had only 2 exs, and for the both of them, i treat them like they are going to be with me forever. I shower them with love. I tried my best not to do anything that will either hurt her or make her drift away from me. But somehow, the opposite happened..at least for one of them. I have a good question to this, WHAT if it was the girl who never appreciate the guy for everything that he has done for her? Who's at fault?

Tired..

I'm just tired of everything right now.
Tired of going out with people who don't even
value friendship.
Why can't they just stop and think for a moment.
You think i'm doing all these for fun?
Think again..
We seldom see each other, agreed..
Then why can't you all just spare some time
for a simple thing to maintain our friendship.
I just don't understand this fucking mind of yours.
When you all organize something, i turned up.
Though that is the busiest day of my life, i turned up.
Though my family is going out on that day, i turned up.
I cherish the friendship.
I've put everything aside for friends,
you know that..
This is what friends are for?
To hell with that..moronic idiots.
You just think for yourselves.
Well, like the saying, comes new ones, throws old ones.
This is what they are doing now.
They don't feel a thing at all.
I will never go out with these people
cuz i'll always be tired..always.
Even if i'm not, i'll make sure i will
make myself tired so that i can't go.

I don't want to listen to people telling me their life or love stories. I want people to listen to what i've got to say. I'm a man of few words but there's just too much to express inside here. I don't know who to talk to. Even if I manage to find a suitable person to talk to, they could just give me advice which has been repeated over and over again by many different people. The name of the secondary school girl, her face, her smile which makes her cute..and she always make herself look dumb. I still can remember most of the things that i adore about her. The question still lingers in my mind, disrupting the flow of the things that i've learnt in school. Sometimes i wanna seek help from her friends but i'm afraid they might be reluctant to help me. I wonder if i'm still in her mind. If i still exist to her. Did she ever think of me? Did she ever recall the times we had? I just love her so much, i can't deny that. BUT WHY IS OUR BOND MOMENTARY!!? I HATE IT!!!

Aargh.. next wednesday..some of the guys in my class will be having a Winning Eleven Tournament. We have carried out the votes. I got Germany. At first thought, i thought Germany is a great and strong team. But just now, I went to my friend's house to play winning eleven and chose Germany. That was the worst team i've ever played. Players are slow though they're on form. Like, what the hell!! How am I gonna win?

Can somebody save me?
My SYFC syllabus is getting tougher.
What i mean is,
there's a lot to learn.
My performance must be
up to the standard..
for every flight, i must get
at least a 5.
Else, i'll be phased out at the end of phase 1.
I can't let that happen.
This is my dream, man.
I must work my way up to PPL course,
which is even worser.
WAIT!!!
I still have my academics in JC.
ARRGHH!!!
What the hell is all these?
The SYFC syllabus will take up
a year of my life.
And JC homeworks are piling up.
Dust is beginning to settle down.
MYE is around the corner,
Promo is slowly approaching me too.
What do I have to do?
I think i'll have to go the beach
alone and admire the prevailing wind,
the sound of birds and the horns of
huge cargo ships.
The sea water whispering into my ears,
giving me motivation to work harder.
Saying that i only have less than 2 years
to obtain a great A level certificate.
To end it, watch the sun sets..
That would be so so great.

I received news from my fellow pal, Ali only a few minutes after I reached home. I was very shocked to hear what he had to say. I do not wish to state the name of the deceased or anyone related to him/her. It was my first time hearing such a thing. I was sad of course. The affected, was really a good friend to us. He had lost one of his family members. I called darryl to ask him along as we were going to visit our friend, but he was already on his way to the indoor stadium so he couldn't come along. It was really sad, i don't how to explain but it's just sad. Most of us would not be able to stand it if one of our family member passes away. Though we always quarrel with our siblings but their absense will make a big difference to our lives. We will become lonely. Ali, Farid and I met up at the lrt station and went to the funeral together. We could hear prayers being sung. The melody was already making us sad. We waited patiently for our friend and he came to us after he was done. We confronted him and chatted. Though he was smiling, i could sense that he was actually feeling depressed in the dark. He then had to help out again and we waited till 10.30 for him. He wanted to introduce us to his family and so he did. We shook hands saying we're really sorry for their loss. I only managed to see the head and hair of the deceased. We then told him words of motivation. We bid farewell to our friend and family and went home. We'll always be there for you. =)

I don't think I can cope with my homework like I used to, when I was in secondary school. DUH!! Of course, the level of education is now higher in JC. I can't slack very much now. There's much to cover. My main concern is Math C. I know almost nothing about A math. I mean, of course i know differentiation, a bit of logarithm. But i just seem to be having difficulties on some parts. Trigo, etc. I have to sleep late at night to do my assignments and wake up early in the morning to go to school. The workload is just too intense for me to handle. Plus, now that i've been selected for YFC, this adds to my workload. My god, i'm gonna be dead soon. White hair will start growing, which i pray really hard i won't get one, and pimples too. If you read this entry, please pray for me that i would succeed in JC. Thanks. Out.

I've been having a hard time. I just miss her and i wanna spend time with her for the last time. I know it's been a long time but that weird feeling still lives in me. She's just..erm..i dunno. Nice? I heard she's moving house. It looks like she's very willing to leave. I'm kinda sad of course. But i just wish someday, she'll let me spend some time with her, chit-chatting..eating together..watch movie..go to the library..play pool.. It would be fun. But question, would she wanna go out with me?

Something happened to me yesterday. Ms Annie from SYFC. There's the sad news and quite good news. Let's start off with the bad news shall we? Well the bad news was, she said I'm at the border line which means, there is a possibility that i may be rejected. Of course i was upset upon hearing that. Is it because of the interview or some personal stuff? Moving on to the 'quite good' news, she asked me if i'm really interested in this course. Obviously it's a YES. She kept pestering me if i'm sure of it. Eventually she said okay. On top of that, she said my orientation will be on the 28 April. I wonder if it was true. Should I wait for the letter or what?

We had PJ amazing race today..me and three of my classmates represented Nobel, which is currently, last position. Our mission is to bring Nobel up the scoreboard. Our mission was nearly accomplised. You wanna know why? During the first 3/4 of the race, we were very spirited. We wanted to get to our destination really quickly and be the first. We were competing with one of the teams from Byron. They were super great. They were smart and well-organized. The other Byron team, which i heard from my friends, cheated during the race. They took the cab, which is not allowed. We thought Vivo City was the last destination. So as soon as we arrived at harbour front station, we chiong towards the last floor of Vivo City where the pool is located. I didn't wanna do it at first but cuz of determination to win, i had to. We ran as fast as we could, exceeding the limitations. I can say, many were pissed off with us. We found out that it wasn't the last station. All our internal and external energy were used up. Then it started to rain. That was where the source of our problem arose. It was raining, and we had to stop what were doing. This clearly gave the others who were behind us the advantage to arrive. I hope you know what I'm trying to say. In the end, all the groups had gathered at the last level. We were demoralised because of that. The teachers and station masters didn't even do anything about it. Furthermore, we were really exhausted due to the thoughtless usage of energy when we ran from harbour front to vivo. We really did a lot of running and patches of blood could be seen on my chest. Now i'm having difficulties in breathing. Everytime I breathe in, my heart aches..it was so painful. Eventually, we got the 5th position out of 17. We were the first Nobel group. Our greatest achievement was, we managed to overtake the Byron, who had been ahead of us for a number of stations.

One more thing, i was so glad that she took part in this race. Seeing her beautiful and sweet face..at least it gave me the motivation to go on. Haha. I kept glancing at her secretly. It was dumb, really. I guess i'll end here. I'm outta here.

I'm just fucking fed-up with everything, esp with my sis. Doesn't she have any manners? She call me, her fucking brother who is obviously older than her, by my name. That's the first issue. Second, she uses my fucking stuff without seeking my approval or permission. I can't bring myself to shout at her at the top of my lungs, wasting my breath, and every word i said enters her right ear and escapes through the left. Lucky i have a blog where i can express what I feel, without the burden of limitation. I don't care, i've tolerated enough. She uses the pc, always, very very damn fucking long..and never give a thought about others. Everytime i return home from school, she's always sitting moronically in front of the monitor doing her stupid, unnecessary, nonsensical stuff. And now, she uses my e-notebook. I just feel like punching her in the face. I don't care, i'm gonna set a password for my e-notebook, since my siblings always take advantage of patience. I'm outta here..

How can this happen to me? I just feel like saying the word FUCK!! for at the end of most of my sentences. I was in badminton during PAE and i quit because i wanted to try other CCAs. When JAE started, i was thinking of joining badminton again. I went for the fucking trials in school yesterday. I went through the first trial. And for the second trial, i think i did great. At least 98% of my shots landed on the destination i wanted. Last section was serving. All my serve were successful especially my short serve. Then, the fucking moronic guy said, 'Thank You'. My fucking foot!!! Even my friends were damn shocked when I told them I didn't make it. I'm not being boastful but confidently speaking, I have what it takes to be a badminton player..I have the basic necessities of being one. One last words..TO HELL YOU FUCKING MORONIC PATHETIC IDIOTIC PIONEER JC BADMINTON TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. Gosh, this really eases me. I was hoping to get into badminton as a backup, in case I'm not accepted into SYFC. Now my only hope is..to get into SYFC. I can just pray that i'll be accepted. I don't know what's left to do i don't get SYFC.

Why is it that everytime I'm in the midst of forgetting someone or something..unpredictable things happen. Is this what you call fate or destiny or whatever you call that. Talking about a particular girl here. We do have a history but not a long one. I can't even glare at her name cuz i would definitely think of her which will affect the process of me forgetting her. What happened was, someone called my hp yesterday and i was away. When i took my hp realised that the caller was actually someone whom I never expect to call. It was her. It really was strange. She would have deleted my number by now. At night, i sms her asking whether she called me. Surprisingly, she replied. It was surprising because she didn't reply all my messages in the past. Yesterday, she just did. On second thoughts, it couldn't be her. Why would she? It could be her siblings or even parents. I guess i'm quite satisfied now, cuz she finally replied to my message after such a long time. I'm at ease now. =)

Yesterday, there was 4C bbq. Hailiang invited me over but i felt reluctant man, cuz it was some other class's reunion. On the other hand, i wanted to go..haha..I brought along one of my pals, sooraj. Reached there, i thought me and sooraj were the only 4A there but, there were others who were non-4C people. It was a 4C reunion and at the same time, FFC reunion. Haha. Let me tell you, i was the one who did the bbq-ing. It's just fun to bbq, play with fire, butter, honey.. The chicken wings, sausage, prawns..were irresistable. The chicken wings were perfectly marinated. I've always liked 4C bbq cuz they are experts in these stuff. The food turned out to be damn yummy..with the combination of honey and butter. I wish i could have bbq with them again. Heard we'll be having one bbq every semester. That's kinda cool..it'd be great. Me, darryl, jingyi, ali, atie, and syarikin..we left at 1045 and headed for lot 1 instead..to play pool. Haha. As a beginner, i think i've improved. I'm beginning to hit and aim, and kiss and slice and hop, etc. My trademark: Kiss of the dragon and Kiss of the rose. Haha. It's pretty lame, i know..but funny. Finished the whole thing at 1 plus in the morning. No night rider, we took the taxi. Reached home, went to the toilet, wash up and to the bed..sleep..zzzzz..

ATTENTION !!!

The name 6 Feet Under has officially been owned by another band. We cannot be called 6 Feet Under anymore.

Who am I closest to of all my friends? It'd definintely be my band, 6 FEET UNDER. Because when i'm with them, we can talk about anything, joke about anything, and be serious about anything. It is always with my band, whenever i vent my anger. Not really vent my anger on them, vent my anger by the way i play my role when jamming. So I hope this band will always remain.

Today was ultimately fun. Lessons end at 1230 for me so some of 4A students who are in pjc, we went to bpp to have our lunch at long john. But i didn't go there with them, i met them there cuz i had to redeem something at the singpost for my dad. When we're done eating, we talked and joked. Actually the moment i finished my last lesson, i asked jingyi whether she wanted to go to dael's house later that day. She was afraid that dael might think she self-invited herself so i told her not to worry cuz darryl wouldn't mind. By the way, jingyi is always with the band. She's always been with us when we jamm. I regarded her as a sister of the band. Haha. She's in the loyalty list FYI. She wanted to meet up before making our way to dael's place. So we met up. Arrived at dael's house, wah, it was really fun. Played some songs, watch videos, relax, etc. Jingyi wished to learn the typical instruments that are used in a band such as guitar and drums. She's really a cool girl, in a sense, she's very sporty and always ready to learn new things, and daring things too. I asked dael to teach her instead but we kept pin-pointing each other. Eventually, both of us taught her some basics. I pretended like a teacher, haha. Dael was in charge of the admin stuffs. Jingyi is a fast learner. I believe she'll be able to master the basics in no time. At around 7, we made our away, with dael, to bpp to have our dinner at MAC. We talked about recent stuff. Dael had to go to his badminton training, jingyi home and me home too. So we went separate ways.

Well, i have a classmate whose name is Eunice Lacaste. You can see that she's a philippino from her name. She's really a nice person to talk to. But i'm starting to feel that i'm really gonna miss everyone in 4A, and also my west spring schoolmates whom i'm close with. We all have different aims, dreams and ambitions. We talked about hot topics like political, etc. She told me her dream and i told her mine. I told her that it's almost impossible to pursue my dream and she advised me not to be afraid of pursuing my dream. How hard it may be, nobody can stop me from reaching my destination. I gotta try my very best. And you know what, that really affected me. This goes to everyone. Do your very best if you wanna achieve your dreams. I feel so sad having to go separate ways. I hope one day, we might be able to meet again. Let's cherish friendship till the end of time.

I really have nothing to post about thus, i decided to post about lady celebrities whom i admire. Let's magnify on singers. She won the American Idol title the season before the previous. Her name is Carrie Underwood. Woohoo!! Haha. I admire her because she's quite beautiful and hot. Everyone would definitely like her. When you see her picture below, i think you will know why.

This is only one of her thousand pictures. Haha..

Let's look at my favourite hollywood celebrity. Those who know me well should know. I'm a crazy fan of Jessica Alba. She's hot don't you agree? She's really really hot. I would like to watch the fantastic four but always forgot about it. Sigh. It's ok. Besides that, she's cute too. Her sweet smile and that will melt every living man. Well, here's her picture.

Well, I think I should end my post here. I'm outta here.

Do I still love her? Do I still have feelings for her? After i've been away from her for almost a year and a half. I have always wanted to sms her but i just can't. We're nothing to each other now. But still feel that she's still a part of me. Whenever i receive her message, i feel that we're still together. The laughter and happiness and agony we shared in the message. Should I convey this message to her? Should I tell her my feelings? But something's holding me back. Something's just not right. What should I do?

Risen Vengeance ? Risen Jeopardy ?

So will it be the Risen Vengeance or Risen Jeopardy? I think that it is time for me to present a name for myself, for band purposes. It is time for me to get an identity. It's because in a band, i guess using our original names won't sound cool. We may not be an official band but why not just pretend as if we are? Haha. By pretending, it will somehow make us feel better when jamming. Spent time during the most and extremely boring orientation figuring and putting words together to make a name. A name that when people hear of it, flicker of fear that will send chills up their spine. Haha. Of course not. I just wanna make a name that sounds extravagant when people hear of it and, that they are eager to know who i really am. I came up with names like, Silent Agony, Fatal Attraction, Fallen Justice, etc. Well, time's up. It is time for me to excuse myself. Outta here.

It just feels like 3 months haven't pass by. The time we had to foster class bond is really inadequate. And now, we have to part(at least for some). It feels sad you know, some of my classmates said that they're going somewhere else. It was like they never really cherish the friendship. Yeah, i may sound emotional cuz that's true. Anyway, i've decided to upload some of the pictures we took together. =)

..wonder who this sweet girl is? Oh my god, she's Hermione Granger. I mean, Emma Watson, her real name. I'm a fan of hers. She acts in the Harry Potter movie. Well, she really is pretty huh. I've done my research on her and got to know that she was born on the similar year as mine..1990. Here goes my chance. Haha. I wonder if she's a member of friendster. Movie number 5 is coming soon: Harry Potter and The Order Of Phoenix. Alright, i have two more pictures of her below. I'm definitely looking forward to her, and not to forget, Rupert and Daniel, in other words, Ron and Harry. I'm outta here. See ya.

There are some things that we can't explain. One thing that i can't explain is this: Why does she hate me so much? What did i do? Is my question answered in silence? I mean, did she already answer my question? She doesn't want to be with me anymore. Sigh.. Looks like i have to let her go TOTALLY, which i never wanted to.

Man, i should have uploaded the pictures and written this post earlier. But not to worry, we took some great pictures during our "outing" just before the GCE results. It was sure a memorable moment for each and everyone of us. Let's cherish this friendship once and for all.

I returned to WSSS to collect my GCE results. I managed to captured a sight of her. She was a reporter for the FMU. Haha. It's funny, wearing the uniform and speaking on the MIC. But all the while, i didn't just glance at her. I gotta focus on something else. But it was easing having to see her again after a long time. =).

The release of GCE O level results was scary. The closer i got to wsss, the faster my heart beat. Same goes to my friends. Arrived at the hall, some already started crying. I looked away. Overall, this badge improved compared to last year. Individually, i am not satisfied with my results. L1R5: 15, L1R4: 12. I hoped to get at least a 12 for L1R5. Damn..so angry with myself. Now, i'm having a dilemma. Polytechnic or JC..both are beneficial. My only problem is that, i do not have an A math background. So i'm sure to struggle. Many want me to go JC. I could be an Officer when i'm serving the nation(NS). I guess i'll go for JC. I MUST do well in JC. No more 'B's. Alright..i'm out.z..

missing you..

Having nobody to listen to me, hear my thoughts and feelings is really pathetic. In the past, i could just sms her and i could chat with her endlessly. But now, it's just gone. Till now, i still can't understand why she left me. I mean, things were going smoothly. Just like a velocity-time graph, acceleration was constant and suddenly, the gradient plunges down with very steep and negative gradient. Even physics can't explain. Thing is, i miss her. I'm in a different school from her. It's certainly hard for me to reach her now. Is this really the end? I hope not..please, i wish you could come back to my heart. I'm so lonely now..

6 Feet Under..

My band, Boycott-eD, has changed our name recently. People may ask why we keep changing our names. Reason is because of our uniqueness. We're not like the rest. Our name will change as we grow to maturity. We used to be boys, and we played songs from bands like Good Charlotte, etc. Now, we've "metalised". Meaning, we're playing something more intense and bizarre. We're starting to play Avenged Sevenfold. In fact, we started playing songs from A7X since last year. That doesn't mean we stop playing Good Charlotte songs. No! Their songs possess the best and meaningful lyrics. I love GC. It's just that we're concentrating more on metal.

During the weekend, i decided to come up with our very own logo. We've had arguments over this matter cuz nobody seems to be approving one another's ideas. I came up with this logo. There's an eye-catching '6' at the top, connected to a huge arrow pointing downwards and in that arrow is a word 'FEET'. Let me interpret it for u. The whole logo means 6 Feet Under.

Moving on.. GCE O level results will be released soon. Some may be crying while some may be hopping joyfully. The point is, we'll be moving on to different directions. I'm afraid there might not be time to meet up and jamm. Some might be busy and some might give excuses bcuz they have brand new friends. I don't want that to happen. We should at least divide our time wisely such that we won't be stressed out easily. Some parents think that by allowing their child to go jamming, it will affect their studies. That is entirely wrong, in my perception. The jamm studio is where they relieve their stress and burden. Of course, frequent jammings is not advised. Anyway, i gotta go. Looking forward to the reunion of 6 FEET UNDER...

sympathy

It's seldom to see people of my race like this. But while i'm in PJC, i met this malay guy, Hairruzaman. I really pity him. Everytime i look at him, sometimes i feel like crying(don't know why). He's in the same class as me: 07S23. He's always alone and isolated. As caring classmates, we tried to get close to him. When he speaks, he won't look up. Haiz.. Dear Hairruzaman, don't worry. You'll be fine with us. =)

dream about you..

I know it's been a few months. I've not talked or even chatted with you on the net. I admit I do miss you. But I guess you don't. Anyway, i knew I gotta get over it. I have to carry on. Somehow, i find it hard to forget about you. I had a dream about you. Yesterday. We were chatting on the net and the connection simply went off. And you called me. Surprisingly, you called. Your voice was as joyful and cheerful as before. I could picture what your expression was. I really miss everything about you. At that time, when our relationship was getting better, i promised to myself that after Aifah, there would nobody in my life. But I broke my own promise. I made a mistake. But you made the right choice. You shouldn't be in a BGR at this point of time. I should have been strong. I wasn't. And now i have to suffer. Sigh..

trip to the beach

unpredicted crush..

There's a lot of pretty girls in my class, 4A..ranging from malays to chinese. But there is this girl, whom i prefer, than the rest. She's really a lady. I mean, soft and soothing voice.. never heard her scream out of anger. If she is angered by something or someone, she wouldn't vent it on anyone. Not to forget, she's sweet, fair, and pretty too.. But damn, she's different from me. She's of a different religion. If i'm not wrong, she's a christian. But it doesn't matter, a crush will always remain a crush. As a matter of fact, i have a crush on her. But i just don't want to go any further. Things might get worse, especially our friendship. Well, i managed to take a pic with her on prom night. That was the only day i could be a playboy, haha..


* This is me and her..
If you want to see her full picture, click this link: http://usera.imagecave.com/Suhaimi/meandpetrina-copy.jpg

lonely..

I have no idea why but frankly, i'm becoming more emotional by the days. I've become vulnerable and sensitive. By saying sensitive, it doesn't mean that i'll cry if someone calls me ugly. What i meant is, films these days are sad ones and whenever i watch em', i'm emotionally affected. I would burst into tears but i won't inhale too deep. Reason, if i inhale too deep as if i have flu, my family would know that i'm crying and that would be embarrassing. So i try damn hard not to make any signs. Alright, let's get to the point. I'm so lonely, man. I accept the fact that people whom i loved(not family) have left me. It was either my fault or theirs but i didn't really mind. I admit that i spend most of the time of my life thinking of her. My friends advised me to just forget her. I told them i will. Why is it that the more i try to forget someone, the more frequent will that particular person appear in my dreams? Even if they appear in my dreams a million times, what will it do? Yes, my feelings for them will grow. But if i approach them, will they give me a chance? Doubts, i have doubts about it. Sigh..i'm emotionally deranged, man. Why can't we be friends? I hope your hatred for me will slowly fade away in time..

"Hope you'll stay the same cause there's nothing bout' you i would change." This quote really means a lot to me. I've been saying this to myself. Hoping that the person whom i really adores would not change. As a matter of fact, she did. Her feelings towards me changed. Let's not go around the bushes. The girl i'm referring to is Wajihah. She's a joyful person, always smiles and never failed to make me smile as well. But as soon as our friendship ends, she just refused to be my friend again.. I used to cherish feelings for her but i'm not sure if she had. But my intentions: I just wanna be her friend. Reason is, it feels great to be her friend. Before i began to develop feelings for her, it was already fun to talk to her as pals, and i just couldn't stop talking to her. I guess i was the cause of the confiscation of her phone( free sms had exceeded ). I seriously felt bad about it, wish i could turn back time. Point is, she's a good friend, really good friend. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out well. It was only for a moment. Now, she refuses to talk to me. Sigh. I've lost one good pal.

just a lil light on the darkness..

It's not what it seems right now. Everything is going to topple and become upside-down. I have no intention to offend anyone but as a muslim myself, i would like to bring upon this matter. It's optional for female muslims to wear the scarf over their heads but most parents would want their children to wear it. Okay, let's get to the point here. They wear the head scarf and they still do those criticized stuff such as sitting at the void deck with the opposite gender hugging, etc. Directly, they are tarnishing the true meaning of Islam. At the same time, there are terror acts going on in this world and Islam's reputation is already been tarnished. Islam does not teach people to use violence and those terrorists try to poison those people with weak religious knowledge. It's already enough for what's happening outside of singapore. But what's going on inside singapore is truly outrageous. Muslims are going out of hands in this country. My point is, i don't want the non-muslims to think the otherwise of us.

Flashback

This flashback is about a 14-year-old girl whom i met her by coincidence at the auditorium during WSI second round last year. I was sitting at the row behind hers and at the same time, she's my friend's sister. I kinda liked her when i saw her. So i wanted to get to know her better. I got part of the help from my friend's sister's friend. I began to talk to the 14-year-old girl. We became friends, and then closer. As love blossoms, i began to feel ultimately happy being with her. A bad incident occured, her handphone was confiscated(often happens) and we lost contact. I tried to get through her but couldn't. So i sought help from her friend and she said that it seemed that i had a lot of chances to meet her but she was avoiding it. She then dropped me an email saying that it's over between us. In that email, she said that i was the cause of the bad relation between she and her friends. I was just seeking help. Where can i get help? Her friends, of course. I assure you that your friends were exaggerating. I did not ask them out of desperation. I just wanted an answer from your own mouth, your own voice. What's so difficult about that? Indeed you wouldn't believe what i said because your friends have been with you longer than i have. But it doesn't matter right now. My mum once told me, don't brag around if the girl that i admire doesn't like you. It's best if i accept her decision and back off. Frankly, i do miss her sometimes. I was so happy talking to her. I've never laughed so hard before until i sms her or chat on the net. It's been weeks or shall i say months, since i last communicated with her. But things happen yeah? Life has to go on, it seems.

An Unexpected Dream

I'm meant to forget about her already. She still won't give me the answers to my unanswered questions. She still hasn't tell me why she did that to me. She just refused to set my mind at ease. So i took the initiative to forget her, struggling.. But, these few days, i dreamt of her. But why now? Why when i'm in the midst of forgetting her? Does that mean that we're bound to be together again or is it just an unexplained theory or mystery? I don't know what it means but i'll just wait for the results.

Prom Night On 27 Nov..

I know four days have passed since the Prom Night. I ought to be posting earlier but i didn't. Prom Night had been a memorable one for me, frankly. Out of the blue, i began to feel sober.
Seeing my friends from 4A especially, seemed as if we're parting. I never wanted that to happen. Their my friends, the best friends..i've realised that losing your friends is far more disastrous than losing your girlfriend. I don't wanna lose them. I almost cried, man.. Somehow i believe that we will continue to keep in touch with one another, perhaps a class reunion every year in WSSS..haha.. That would be great.

Well, on that day, i met up with my malay friends: Ali, Faiz, Farid and Zul. Ibro wasn't with us cuz he went with Johnny. We met at the bus stop near my block, and we took bus 190. We missed our stop and had to walk a long way. Haha.. I felt uneasy cuz as we were walking, people stared at us as though we're MAFIA members..with our coat and blazers, all looking smart. We sort of got lost, and Ali took the initiative to ask a guard. We walked and walked until we saw Albert and Kenny at the entrance. They were waiting for someone. We shaked their hands and proceeded in. Thought it was gonna be open space but turned to be in an air-conditioned room. It's on the second floor but we went to the gents first.





Haha..we took some boyband pics in the toilet.. Insane but it's only once in a while. Then we went up to sign in. 3 ladies from the council would tell us which table serves halal and non-halal foods. In other words, we can sit with whoever we want to as long as we're sitting on the correct tables. We had to wait for an hour or so before the whole event started cuz some hadn't arrived yet.

(TO BE CONTINUED)..

SYFC application...

S.Y.F.C stands for
S'pore Youth Flying Club.
It has always been my dream
to become a pilot either
in RSAF or commercial.
Whatever it is, i'm willing
to fly for my country and
would do whatever it takes
to become one.
You see, I ringed SYFC and
asked for the application form.
I was asked my name and
everything else about my
particulars. I was supposed
to wait for the mail to arrive.
I waited for 2 days..and it
seemed that my dream
would never come true.
Just today, me n my family
went out to buy my
PROM clothes, my sis's
birthday present: MP3,
and my bro's new phone.
I bought some clothes which
are pretty awesome..thanks to
my parents.
Good that my sis has finally gotten
her mp3. Unfortunately, my bro
didn't buy his phone due to
lack of stocks.
It was unexpected..seriously.
When i reached home, i
opened the mailbox and saw
a brown, A4 sized package.
It had my name and address
written on it. My heart was
thumping really fast.
I opened it in the lift in the
presence of my family and
POOF!!!
It was the SYFC application form.
I was too agitated..
But i still have to undergo
several tests incl. medical, etc.
I'm pretty anxious about it.
Please wish me all the best..
I hope i'll be accepted..
God willing.. =)

..end of exam

Today was my last
paper: Dnt
I was quite happy
when we were
dismissed but
it was only
momentarily.
What's going on
with my heart
can't be healed
just with the ending
of exams..
I strongly believe
that as time passes
by, it will be over..
After my O's, i'm
gonna pull horns
outta my head..haha..
No more Mr. nice guy.
Those who mess with me,
will be dealt with..(violence)
Nah..just kidding..
I'm gonna go jamming
this week and next wk.
The whole of december
i am not sure..
Angelo is leaving for Dubai
and Darryl to China.
There'll be class chalet
in december..
I hope my results turn
out to be good..
that's all..i'm out..

it's time i walk away..

I've always loved her..
A..L..W..A..Y..S
It's something
unpredictable..
But in the end it's right.
I hope you had
the time of your life.
The times i spent
with you were the
time of my life..
the happiest, the
most cheerful,
the saddest,
all jumble up into
one emotion:
HAPPINESS..hehe.
sometimes i ask myself
this question:
Why must our relationship
end up this way?
I could at least expect
a 'goodbye'..
but she left stranded
in matter of minutes,
or hours i think..
She should at least
explain to me that she
had to leave me..but
she didn't.
that really escalated
my frustration..
soon i realised that
it was useless getting
angry and dropped it.
But i can't forget you
so easily..I have no idea.
Getting to know you
is like meeting
the fairy of my dreams..
hmm..fairy? No way..
Maybe princess...
Whatever it is, i prayed
to God that this would
last for a very long time..
eternal....
But i was proven wrong.
With you gone and not
being by my side,
i'm stranded just like
a poor man stranded on
an island enclosed with
tall trees and dense
forests...ALONE..
I hope somebody really
rescue me from this island.
Everything that has a
beginning, has an end..
Of course i know that..
but i didn't predict it
would turn out and end
this way...
Anyway, this experience
really taught me a
lesson that is worthwhile.
..it's time i walk away from
you..your life..
this is the very one thing
i despise...but
what to do?..
just like the malay proverb,
" Nasi sudah menjadi bubur."

..Blk 276

Blk 276 is known
for its splendid peace.
I used to dread when
i come to this block
cuz it seems to be
isolated from the
rest in Bangkit..
I got it over with
in a matter of time.
It really sets my mind
at ease whenever i
sit alone at the void
deck around 9 plus
at night..
It IS dark, gives me
the goosebumps..
But if u just sit there
to relieve your stress,
to witness the cool air..
you will definitely forget
about ghosts momentarily.
I've learnt to appreciate
what this blk that i'm
living at have..
HOWEVER...
this place is not for
hanky-pankies..
I know this place
is apt for such things
at night as it's quiet
and there's nobody
else to disturb you.
But i resent it when
i see people kissing
and hugging at the void
deck..
They are trying to destroy
the positive factor
of this block.
Sigh..why can't they just
find some other place
except Bangkit?..

I still...

I Still - Backstreet Boys
I really admire this song.
especially its lyrics..
It resembles most of
the parts of my life.
Upon hearing this song,
it reminds me of u, iha..
I've tried my best..
but the bond between
me n u is just too extremely
strong..
I've been believing...
that after my O levels,
i might succeed..
What is it that makes u
do this to me?
I've realised my mistakes..
(Haiz...)

..my pathetic prelim grades

Here are the results
of my prelim...

English - C5
Malay - A2
Maths - B3
Physics - B3
Chemistry - B3
C.Humanities - C5
Geography - B3
D&T - B3

I know people would
think I'm insane
displaying my grades
when i'm not performing
very well..
Nevertheless, I have no fear
or shame in doing so because
i'll try my very best to
scrap that grades of my cert.

For subjects like maths,
physics and D&T,
I should have gotten
at least an 'A' grade
because i'm quite fond
of those subjects.
Ironically, it turned out
otherwise.
Of course i was vexed
and disappointed too..
With my current grades,
there is certainly nowhere
i can go for the 3-month course.

What i fear the most is
english and chemistry.
We may think english is
an easy subject as we
speak english almost
everyday..
But it is really difficult, man..
After attending some english
courses, I'm more confident
of myself.
Memorisation is required
for chemistry. You have
to memorize numerous
information, facts, etc.
I hope i'm able to get at
least 3/4 of the chemistry
syllabus on the tip of my
fingertips..

One-sided love...fading for good..

Few months have passed..
have tried my best to
get her back but..
no progress...
This one-sided love isn't
worthwhile..
So i've decided to let u go..
I'm sorry, but i just can't
let this matter bring me
down...
Besides, i also know that
you want me to forget
abt u..so that i wun be
able to disturb u anymore.
It's being hard for me
but with the help of
my friends and teachers,
they have convinced me
that studies my first priority
in life..
I've realised that there's no
life without proper, and high
qualifications..
What we've been thru
all along, will just
be my sweet memory..
I'm sure you'll be happy.
So good luck in everything
you do ya?
That's all about it.

you...

Each moment of my life,
i think of her..
never fail...
I just don't know why
i'm so devoted to her.
She's the perfect girl
in my eyes..
I tried to evade that,
but it's a fact.
It's like, she's born to
be loved by people.
It's one hell of a chance
in a lifetime..
Things were working
out very well and it was
a straight, slight bumpy road.
Suddenly, appeared a lot of
high mountains..
i'm not sure whether it's
me or her that did not
manage to climb.
Why must this happen?
There's a thick pane of
glass that acts as a barrier
between me and her now..
All means i've tried to get
myself over to her,
no avail..
and i'm still trying..
i think i made a stupid
mistake back then,
which i have no idea what.
I still need you, girl..
I still care for u..
Do you?
I still love u so much..
really very much..
it's genuine..
Do you?
(..Sigh...)
i just hope to be
together with u again..
i wonder when that
day will arrive..

Arghh!!!!

I've been trying very
hard but it's so
impossible for me to
forget u, wajihah...
Those moments were
too happy for me
to forget...

i'm going on...

I would like to personally
thank my friend, Jacintha
for she's always there for
me in times of problems..
In fact, i already did..
She has enlightened me with
something that is difficult for
me to face..
She didn't really solve it
for me..she just reduce my
burden..i'm feeling quite ok
right now, resuming my
usual daily activities...
I'm going to put all my effort
in my studies...
I have to reset my mind and
instead of good, i'll set it to
'love is evil at this age..'
Hmm..that is a great idea,
it seems..
I can't get it over with in
a split second but i'll do
it slowly..
I'm back to my laughter...
Haha...

journey to be a pilot..

I've checked the RSAF site
few days ago..
I searched for every information
i wish to know..
I found the requirements
to be a pilot of the army..
One need to have a full
GCE 0 level and A level
certificate, and passes in
English, Maths and Physics..
I'm currently concentrating
on this 3 subjects..
I'm improving in maths,
my consistent grade is
A2 or A1 and of course
i'm aiming for A1..
My physics grade was good
initially but due to some
personal problems, i couldn't
cope and my grades dropped..
Now, i'm striving to 'up' my
grade to A1..
My dream means so much to me..
I can't sacrifice it for some
other unnecessary things..
I've set a goal..which is to put
everything aside and also,
after her birthday which is on
28th August, i'm never gonna use
the com until end of december..
i'll try my best..

Girls= Evil

Today, during english
lesson...our english
teacher, Mrs Ang,
asked our opinions
about this following
statement...
"Money is the root of
all evil.."
My friend came out with
something but he did
not tell the teacher about it
for he's afraid it might
offend the opposite gender..
Here it is:
Girls = money x time
Since time is money,
therefore:
Girls = money x money
= (money)^2
Since money is evil..
Hence, he concluded that:
Girls = Evil...
What is your opinion
about this??
Btw, no intention to
offend here...

...

I observed that she has been
running away...
I dunno why..but..
why run away or avoid someone
if that person isn't even
looking for you?
It doesn't make sense..
It's pretty hard to tell
my friends that our
relationship is nothing now.
cuz they will nvr believe me.
So if they see u, running away
the moment i'm within your range,
they'll laugh..
I'll be looking down on the floor
as i walk for i'm embarrassed.
Please, if u must, don't turn
yourself into a laughing stock..
I bear no grudge against u..when
i see u, and u see me,
i'm not, what u say it in malay,
"jeling"...
i'm just changing the direction
of where i'm looking...
cuz it makes me sad looking at u.
Have u ever cherished a relationship,
besides ur friendship?
And i know, a girl of 14yrs,
it's not really the time to
get into a relationship...
Also, you aren't matured enough..
though u look as though u are.
Hence, i'll treat this relationship
as puppy love..cuz one party
did not regard it seriously.
I hope one day, when you've
grown big, you'll understand
what is true love...whereby
no matter how bad times are,
both parties will still struggle
and strive to maintain and
keep the relationship going.
Btw, i really learned alot
from u...thanks alot ya??

a story of a cow...

In this story, the main character
is a cow...this story started since
2003 and it still continuing.
This cow has been walking along the
straight, narrow road..
There wasn't any ulterior
motive then.
As it walked, it suddenly saw
grassland...
It seemed to be so green that
they brightened up the cow's day.
The cow was also happy...
Then one day, the grass seemed
to taste different..
The cow was unhappy and left the
grass..
The grass kept growing but the
cow didn't realise.
It continued it's journey..
One day, the cow saw a
wheatfield which was quite greeny.
It began to eat the wheat...
The wheat grows, the cow eats..
Both were very happy.
It all happened so sudden..
and then in one swift...
the wheat refused to grow..
The cow waited and waited..
even wondering why the wheat
did not grow.
The day arrived when the wheat
proved that it didn't want
to grow for the cow to eat..
The cow was hurt, it was like
the samurai sword slashing
it's heart.
The cow now doesn't know what
to do..it's all alone..
It tried to confront the wheat
but the wheat did not even
say anything...
The cow felt remorsed for what
it has done to the grass..
It left the grass uneaten...let
rain pour on it instead of love..
In this never-ending journey,
the cow learns something...but
the cow did not even know what
it has learned...
It wishes to turn back but it's
too guilty for him....
He's sorry for what had
happened...