I received a double blow today. First of all, i've disappointed my parents. They came for a meeting with my teacher today, and everything was one hell of a screw up. Tried my very best to hide the emo feeling from my friends to avoid any unnecessary commotion. I've never shed a single tear until today. I thought i was the saddest man on the planet right now. Then, i reached home and received a letter from air force. I won't receive the letter if i'm accepted of the post. So you get what i mean. Like i mentioned in my previous posts, journey to my dream always end in the middle of the path and it just did. I just can't think of any alternative right now. I've never thought of any before. I've disappointed my parents, and my friends who gave me incessant support and encouragement to become a pilot, and not to forget, i've disappointed myself totally. Now, i have every fuckin' reason to be emo. I guess it's time for me to remove the badge. I'm terribly sorry i've let all of you down.

I'm really feeling scared as the days progress. I don't know whether i'll be accepted by the military and be sent for training overseas after my basic training. To be certain, i would very much like that to happen. I'm certain of every decision i make, it will lead to where i want it to be. But sometimes, it's not in your hands. It's in THEIR hands. Argh! I guess i'm the only person in this world who is experiencing the highest degree of the word 'SCARED'. I've never been so timid like this before.

probably getting a new bag next week..

i've brought pain ever since..to myself and to them. I don't think i can hold on much longer. My friends from polytecnic are doing way better than me. And i seem to progress much slowly. I just wanna be free from this torture chamber.

"If you can't hold on, let it go and come back in your heart.
And if you can't hold on, maybe it's not time for you
But if you can't hold on, on your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through"

So far, i've been successful in aligning myself with the path of my dreams. But something has been consistently happening. I've never went pass the centrepoint of the journey. I will be blown by strong sudden wind that pushes me away from the path. It has happened twice. And i'm afraid that it might happen for the third time. I feel that i did relatively bad for the compass test. It's just my feeling. But i need to keep a positive mindset and that whatever the outcome, has its reasons. God obviously wants to prove something to us, whenever we fail in achieving something. And it's up to us to find the answers to our questions.

The aptitude test is nearing. I don't know how to get myself prepared besides having an early sleep. I've been with my flight simulator since. Hope it'd be of a great help on the day itself. Man, i'm really really nervous. There's no other word to describe how i feel. It's a pilot test, mind you. I have to do it well and be shortlisted for an interview. Argh! This means that i'll not come to school this wednesday. And considering whether i should come back to school for the econs lecture. I've set a mentality that i'd not skip any additional lessons cause A levels is nearing and i'm still not getting that quality grades. I pity S29 as a whole including me. We have been among the lowest since last year. We are determined to be the best, at least the most improved class. So God, i pray that you wish us all the best. And also, i pray that i'd do above average for the aptitude test. Amin.

I have every reason to be emo..

Why do different people of different religions see various kind of ghosts? For example, the christians, if they are fortunate enough, they would see ghosts in the form of spirits lurking around their neighbourhood. For muslims, we would see ghosts such as pochong, a ghost which hops in small steps and also covered with white cloth that is used to wrap a corpse prior to their burial. As for the chinese people(i don't know how many religions they have), they would see ghosts, also like the pochong, but the ghost wears a hat and a chinese suit i think. Whatever it is, what does this mean? Doesn't the word 'ghost' carry only one definition? A wandering spirit? So who is right? Or neither is right. And that there is no such thing as ghost. It only has something to do with the situation at that point of time and how vulnerable your imaginations can get. Others who don't believe in ghosts believe in them when they get to see them right in front of their eyes. Why do those ghosts appear in front of them only when they ask for it? So give yourself some time to sit down and ponder this. Ghosts..do they really exist?

this is just way too cool

My GC was stolen today, in the mosque. This increasing trend of theft cases is really annoying to people who go to mosque with peace and sincerity hoping that nothing bad will happen to them. A good example is me. An essential and something that plays a big part of me has just been stolen by some fuckers whom instead of praying with the group, they sneaked and opened people's belongings and grab whatever they see appealing. They would even grab the whole bag or sandals. This people are ruthless and i don't think they are even afraid of the consequences of what they're doing. I don't even think they know the concepts of ISLAM well. They even dare to steal in the holy vicinity. FUCK THEM! Curse them over and over again.

Finished my last paper today: Physics. I find that paper 2 was quite okay and i could pass it. However, paper 1 was a menace. And i felt there is something wrong with the duration. I didn't get to think through all the questions let alone finishing it. I find that the time was too short. What the hell. Everyone was like moaning and groaning about it.

It'll be my last subject later. Physics it is. It is the last paper. So many people would give all their best, mug for the entire day, etc. For the first time, i suddenly feel unmotivated to do all those. Maybe because of the previous papers that i did. Especially math. The questions looked damn easy but when you start writing on the paper, you'll be thinking over and over again why you can't get it right. This is math in JC. You will use 5 times more paper than you use in secondary school. I'd like to get it over with and start preparations for A level. I can do it, i know i can.

I've been practising my landing with a cessna. I've tried flying the military aircrafts and boy, those mechanical birds are easy to takeoff and bank at extraordinary angles but exceptionally difficult to land it, especially at the ideal velocity as you approach the runway. Never mind, i will get the hang of it as i keep practise.

I received a letter from RSAF few days ago. I was really anxious upon opening it because it could be that my application wasn't successful. And i was in fact being asked to sit for the COMPASS(Computerised Aptitude Selection System) test. The aim of the test is to test your basic understanding of coordinates, direction(whether you can determine your left and right at different perspectives) and also your hand and leg coordination and most importantly, your IQ. I was so relieved to even get this letter. This is a chance that is only going to come by once in a lifetime. I've been given a chance, and i should not waste it. I pray that i'd do above average for this test. Thank you God and also RSAF.

FAILED
I've failed today. I am supposed to spend a maximum of 3.50 today but temptations ran wild and i spent 6 bucks to be exact, in kfc. Not only that, i was about to go home when the rest called me up to catch a movie. I refused but my friend urged me to go and i felt bad to resist them and hence i went. I ended up loaning 7 bucks from weicheng. Damn it. Now, i'm left with 2 bucks. Let's see what i can do with it this.

I just got this week's allowance. And guess what, it's all gone now. It's all gone to the economy, just like that. Here's what i spent on today. Basically 10 bucks on food and beverages. And 55 bucks on a bloody joystick. And 6 bucks on topping up of ezlink card. Moreover, i wasted my precious time. I spent 2 hours going to BPP, lot 1 and causeway point just to search for a joystick. What pissed me off was, it has become exceptionally difficult to find even the most simplest joystick, i mean the buttons, etc. Even PC ZONE from all 3 shopping malls, don't sell it. I went from shop to shop asking whether they have joysticks on sale and a bloody NO was their answers. I fancied one when i last went to causeway point which was a month ago? And when i went there today, it was gone. I just don't know what these shops are up to. Sickening. To sum it all up, i have approximately 7 bucks left for this week. I have to go school tmr and thursday. So that means 3.50 for each. Can i make it?
I have no choice but to be a bit of a miser now. Everything seems to be going up: price. Economy is experiencing inflation and we consumers are adversely affected, no doubt. So we have to change the way we spent our money. That's what i'm going to do. I will never gonna spend on unnecessary items that can't benefit me. At least for the joystick, i can practise my flying skills. So to all of you out there, it's time to save. Inflation rates are going up, but no worries, interest rates are going up too. For every 100 bucks you deposit into your bank account, maybe you'll gain more from it now.

I can't believe i've been waking up late for the past few days. I've been waking up at 2 plus in the afternoon, simply because of Euro 2008. Now, the matches are getting more exciting. What should I do? If i keep waking up late, it may be a habit and i may end up waking up super late for my papers next week. The hours that i have from morning to afternoon, can be well utilised by studying and revising for the mid year exam. And there is limited time left. Something has to be forgone. Opportunity cost is incurred.

She has been a sweetener to my eyes since i first know her last year. I go to school and i will start looking for her. She gives me the motivation. Despite the comments by my friends, usually displeasing, i still hold my interest in her. She's my engine. She is the one who keeps me moving, and keep moving. I guess this crush is getting stronger and i seriously hope it would not be so strong that it would be hard for me to forget her after JC. I know, it's utterly and let me emphasize, IMPOSSIBLE to get her as my partner. Of course, i really really really wish she could be mine. However there are thousands of factors and reasons why it is not ideal for us to be together. I was on my way back home in the bus just now. I didn't notice she was in the bus as well. She even walked past me to get to the seat which happened to be behind mine. Until it was time for me to alight, i didn't really look at her but i could see that it was her from the profile of her. And her head was tilted at an angle such that she was looking at me. I am positive of that. I should have looked at her and smiled. This chance will not come by very often. And i just missed it. Sigh.

Hello! The moment has come. For me to legal. I'm 18. That means, i can have SEX!!! Haha. No worries people, i'm just kidding. It is a brand new start for me as i'm progressing up the maturity level. And i guess the first thing i'm gonna do is to register for the basic theory test. Driving licence, yo. I'm going get it over with as soon as possible so that i can drive my dad's car to school during A levels. Haha. It is deemed to be impossible. Anyway, i would like to thank those who bothered to send me an sms comprising of a birthday wish. Thanks a lot. You guys have a good day.