I'm beginning to really fall in love with this girl. It all started from a mere crush which i feel is stupid. She's the talk of the town. How can she ever be my girlfriend? The more lonely I've become, the more desperate i become. Haha. When i say desperate, it doesn't mean Really-A-Despo. She's of course, very beautiful and admirable, adorable too. At first, i thought she ain't gonna be friendly. But it turned out that she actually IS friendly. Whenever i chat with her online, i will feel happy, like never before. It's been a long time since i last had this emotion. Sometimes i wonder when will this speckle of happiness come. I've been longing and YEARNING for it. I definitely can't make it come, so i might just have to wait. I'm furious at myself. Why do I get to know her and make friends with her only now?; when school is nearing end(in fact, it already ended). Furthermore, i don't even know if i'll be leveling up or remain at the same level. I doubt she will remain. So my only hope is to get promoted. I didn't meet the promotional criteria i guess, but i hope this time, they'll do it by ranks and i sincerely hope that i'm not at the bottom 300 or 400 of the whole cohort, 1000. My last words for today, It would be GREAT if you could be mine. Even if it seems impossible, i'm sure it can be made POSSIBLE.

JC1 ends..

Today was the last day we will be in the classroom together as a class. Today marked the end of JC1. However, the day when we will know whether we'll be going separate ways is not today. We are going to enjoy and let the devil out of us free for a while and as 9 Nov approaches, it is time. Embrace yourself, young minds. For that day will determine your fates. Wah, i sound awkward. Haha. Anyway, i didn't take many photos on my phone today. I did take 1 or 2.

This photo irks me. Haha. This allen wanted to act g@y but since it's the last day, i just played along. And that marcus, always a pain in the ass. =D

..throwing oil to the fire

I'm already feeling down about my performance. I really want to be promoted. No matter what it takes. Even if I had to go for probation, i'll be willing to. If anything goes wrong during my journey to achieving my dreams, i'll feel like killing myself. My dreams are everything to me. I have to get them. There is no exception. Now, there is another thing that makes or rather made me more upset. It's about my ex. I guess she's attached now. I don't know how to describe the feeling that i have for. It's between 'special friend' and 'just a friend'. I used to be hyper and joyous when i sms her last time. But now, i'm not anymore. I guess it's not pleasant to sms with a person who already belongs to another. I have many eye-candies in school. If i could, i would get one of them to be my girlfriend(if they accept), but i just didn't want to. For what reasons, they are unclear. But i wish to salute her, coz she managed to push through all the obstacles and got herself out of the maze. I'm really happy for her and also, I hope you'll be happy with him. =)

i just need one more chance..

I was leniently given a chance. A chance to prove myself worthy of proceeding to the next level. I know I did everything i could to get what i want, what i really want. Grabbing this chance would mean almost everything in my life. I failed to grab this opportunity. My intention was never to break my own record. I still never ponder about what my next step would be, cause I still have some faith in myself. Though it deceived me, once. I'm gonna take this damn risk. I'm gonna give it one more try. Please God, just give me one more chance. I don't wish to fail this mission. I hope He grants me this important prayer of mine. I really plead upon You.

..think i have what i want already

This is just a random picture i took with Weicheng and Weihan today during the PW workshop. It was as if it was our last days.

This is a picture of four of the most talented and gifted football players in S29. Cool eh? Haha. I was just kidding. In fact, we play soccer well. As in, our combination is really effective. We are called 'Imba' which was named by our Chairman of the team, Weihan. Hehe. Anyway, today i just added an additional RAM into my notebook. I thought i could change/improve the graphics of my notebook but i actually can't. There's no way i can change what's on the motherboard. But i think i have what i want already. An additional RAM and since i can't buy a new graphics card, i cancelled it out of the list. You know, i met my classmate when i was near the entrance of lot 1. I think she looks better now. Erm..kinda hot. A pity i just said 'hi', smiled as if i haven't seen her for a long time which in fact, is true, and then just continued walking. It was so stupid of me. We could have grab a table in Mac, buy a drink and have a nice conversation. Haha. Everything seems to have changed. The relief part is, i've just made a new ezlink card. It's one of the things under my 'essential' list. Without it, i can't go anywhere, man. But one thing is, the lady didn't align my photo properly and it looked kinda 'senget'. She treats me nicely though. =)

Sad thing.

Hi guys, i just returned from a memorable trip with my fellow secondary school friends and a very deary pal, Angelo. His family moved to Dubai for some reasons that we ought not to know. We understand that. Perhaps it might upset him or his family members if we were to ask. He was on his journey back to his homeland, Philippines where he will continue his education. But along the way, he dropped by Singapore to visit us and probably spend some time with us. It was really nice to see him again. But it's sad he could only be with us for less than half a day. It's really a long journey though we spent only about 5 hours with him. Here are the pictures i took. There's more but we have to wait for Kelvin to create an online photo album and then i'll post em' here.

The first journey ends..

It feels so great that it is all over now. But it is not entirely the end yet.. I would either repeat the whole year or proceed to JC2 to complete the second major examination after GCE O level, which is GCE A level. The examination that determines my being in RSAF. I will take my instructor's words seriously, and i will try my best and hope that i'll meet him again in RSAF. I have indeed been looking forward to this day, expecting great stuffs that can be done within this time period. Ironically, though it's after promos, there's absolutely nothing much to do. It is so boring. I miss exams, school and my eyecandies, =D. During this short-term holiday, i'll also have dinner with my sweet little jiejie. Haha. It's been a long time since i last met her. Many things that i can actually are restricted due to the fasting month. But it's not a bad thing, you see. I can save money too. Haha. So that i can spend after the fasting month. And not to forget, further improve my guitartistic skills. Hehe. Not to be the fastest finger among others, but the one who produces the most soothing and creative sounds. Anyway, i don't what more to post about. I shall end here.

..

It's been a long time since we last met.
It is really a very very long time.
Your face keeps flashing in my mind.
I sometimes imagine that you were
with me and those times i smiled to myself.
I just wish those imaginations could become real.
My attempts to find you everyday keep
going down the drain along with the drifting waters.
I strongly believe that we would be together again.
Because of you, i still got no strength to start.
How do i make myself hate you?
Think it through, i don't wish to..
I wanna remember the moments we had
under the small hut, especially..
I guess most of our times were spent at
that very spot. Haha..
I did everything in my hand to impress you.
Still, it wasn't fruitful.
If i were to meet you again next time,
i'll hold you tight in my arms and never ever let you go.

Goodbye..

So i guess it is goodbye to my Motorola E1070. It was deliberately but silently stolen. The thing is, i placed it on my bag with my shirt covering it and i put it among many bags that belong to my friends. I was playing basketball with my friends and our bags were less than 15 feet away. How could anyone just took without our knowledge. Sigh.. That phone has been my very best companion. A lot of memories with it. I would like to thank my friends who even cared to stay back for some time to help me look for it. I really appreciate it. The results however weren't fruitful. What am i going to do now? That phone has always been of great use to me. Now it is just gone.

Is this the end?

i guess this marks the end of me
being an SYFC pilot, and also a
youth pilot. I'm really very sad
right now. I've never felt so sad
this is because it feels like my
dreams have shattered..
Yes, sometimes i dreaded going
for my flights.. But now, i just
have to be phased out, or shouldn't
i say that.. 'Phased out' seems to be
a negative word. I had a talk with
my instructor SIM CK.. He said
that he would put me through
phase 2. But, i just have too many
CxWx for a phase 1 pilot..
Seriously, it's because of these
CxWx that i didn't have time to
at least complete phase 1..
Of course, i can't blame the
weather for this. It just wasn't
my day. I love those moments
when i'm in the air, looking down
and i could see everything that is
in Singapore..i could even see PJC.
Flying through the clouds were a
great experience too.
I must and should say that i had the
best and caring flying instructor
that anyone can ever imagine of.
Despite the few scoldings in the plane,
he really was and still the best.
I had a great time flying with him.
There is an aura of confidence in him
and enters my body everytime i flew
with him. He said, he could have put
me through. But with the remaining time,
by the time i go for my 1st solo,
it will be my promos, which is also very
important for me cuz I have to be promoted
to J2. He wants me to concentrate on my
studies, and get tremendous A level grades
and apply for air force after that.
He strongly encouraged me to do that.
And i somewhat agreed with him..
Sigh..i guess this IS the end..
Tomorrow will be my last flight
as a youth pilot.. i just felt like
breaking down.. I put all my effort
to get into SYFC..a place where my
future career stands.

I'm really at a loss for words.
I'm really all stressed up..
I had my a parent-meeting session
in school regarding my results today.
I felt sad for my parents and
disappointed in myself..
In the JC life, it is all about
application of knowledge, not
about content only..
And that's where the problem lies:
APPLICATION..
Furthermore, my SYFC was involved.
The VP said that i will have to
quit it.. FUCK IT!!! I won't.
I don't see any relation of SYFC
with my MYE results at all...
That's not all..from now on, i can
only leave school at 9pm because
of the compulsary night study..
I find it beneficial if we stay back
twice or thrice a week but imagine
everyday? And with reluctance?
This ain't gonna work, sucker.
I just miss BOYCOTTED..
i miss the times we jamm at
the studio..all crazy and funky.
I miss those jokes.. unfortunately,
my guitar would be kept till promo.
I have to get promoted to JC2
whatever it is. But that does not mean
boycot me from all my stuff.
Sigh..i need intensed guidance..

What the fuckin' hell is wrong with these people?
What is their main intention of holding
innocent minds as hostages and showing
no mercy to them?? Though those hostages
are not related to me, i feel really sad
for the family of the deceased..
The way they were murdered was really
inhumane, according to the news reporter.
I wonder how it must have felt being
murdered mercilessly..It must have been
unexpected. It's like you are asked to turn behind
and face a plain meaningless wall,
drips of sweats of fear trickle down your
forehead..you don't know what's gonna happen.
Then in a glimpse of an eye, everything went
blank..or it could be worse. They murder you
slowly so that you can feel the excruciating
pain. I really can't imagine it..
If only i had the power to entirely eliminate
any aggressors that is standing this ground
of earth. If only i can read people's minds,
like their plans to do something bad or anything.
Sigh..just where do their human conscience go?
Can somebody stop this hell!!??

The mysterious girl in my dream..

I had a dream last night, of meeting a girl
whom i've yet to know..
a sweet, nice, average looking girl.
I can't even remember how
i got to meet her. She seemed to
be of the same age as me.
I can remember that when i met her,
we walked around and had
loads of fun..where? exactly i don't know.
I can't recall that vividly..
Then, it was time for her to go,
i don't know where..
And i held her hand, and kissed
it, and i cried. I really cried..
I cried as if she had made me
so happy that i couldn't bear
to let her leave.. and...
she was gone..
i woke up soon after.
Whoever that girl was, I wish
i could meet her someday.
I wanna feel happy like before.
sigh..

..pissed off am i today.
I was supposed to have my 7th
flight today at 1640 but the stupid
school event held me back..
Have you no idea how many flights
i cancelled over the past few days?
It's not that we can cancel our
flights anytime we want..
that club doesn't belong to me.
I already complied with that
sucker asshole CCA HOD that
i'll cancel my morning flights and
book afternoon flights..i just did..
And the annoying thing was, she
was always nowhere to be found.
I searched for her fucking asshole
all over the school and couldn't
find her. Just where the fucking
hell was she? AARRGHHH!!!
Why is this school making things
damn hard for me to handle!!??
One after another, more problems
arrive. I can't deal with these
all at one go, can i? Of course not.
Morever, my bloody CT already
spoilt my mood.. i'll be meeting
the principal with my parents
for "good"..
Whatever it is, i have to complete
my phase 1 before the
meet-the-parent session.
I just met my syfc coursemate,
Ben who is in PJC too.
He told me that he was asked to
meet the principal and CCA HOD.
His results was not that bad, why
would he have to see them??
The CCA HOD called syfc and told
auntie winnie about it..and
Ben was nearly phased out..
lucky the instructor he flew with
wasn't his primary instructor
so they gave him a chance to re-fly
the sortie but i'm not sure if he
will be phased out..
Sigh..why have i become more
dumb and stupid??
I studied really hard but i still
can't achieve the grades that
i want.. Maybe because of the
negative externalities..
Maybe i've been spending time
on my laptop and FIFA 07..
I gotta stop this destructive habit.
Alright people, i'll be gone from here.

I will definitely never forget the wonderful experience
of flying in a genuine aircraft at a young age like this.
I guess not many youths have this chance..
I just have the feeling that i might be phased out.
Although i might advance to phase 2, i will
somehow be phased out half way as there isn't
enough time left to complete those flights..
It is just too many to complete.
The above picture is a picture of one of the
aircrafts in SYFC in the parking shed..
Though they are small, i really learnt a lot
in it. I would like to thank my friends and
family who have been supporting me to
continue this SYFC course..without them,
i would have simply withdrawn from it due
to the level of stress that i have to go through.
Despite my school's discouragement of this
course, my friends have always been there
to compensate the negativities..i'm really grateful.
I haven't been feeling emotionally well lately
due to this problem in school.. However, it just gets
better everyday..i feel better now..
I feel that i can manage time well right now
and i'm slowly catching up with my school work.
Below is a picture of a fighter jet that i've been
longing to navigate. With its speed faster than
the speed of sound, everything would be silent
in the cockpit except for the voices of you, your
weapons navigator and the air base, how cool will it be?
It is none other than the magnificent F-16..

Question..
must a person, especially
mothers, raise their voice
or shout at the top of their
lungs whenever they are
angry at us?
Unlike my father, he would
never scream when he scolds.
That's because he believes that
we are all grown up now.
There's no need to use methods
that is not good for own health.
Why mothers scream when they
scold?
Well, that's mainly because they
like to stress their throat so much?
Hmm..maybe they like to feel
tired? Haiz..i just don't understand.

Deathly Hallows temptation

What the hell!!??
I wanna buy the new
harry potter book,
the deathly hallows.
It will be the last story,
how sad.. =(
I wish i could buy it but
my allowance hasan't
come in yet..
The cover alone looks
appealing and seducing.
I don't wanna listen to
others who have read it
tell me the story line.
I'll never listen to them.
I don't give a damn,
i'm gonna do everything
so that my mum would
buy them for me..muahaha

I thought i have grown stronger.
I can face such hurtful jokes
without even stressing myself.
I was wrong.
i just can't take it anymore.
I'm at a new level now..
i feel that at this level,
it's worse than before.
There are challenges that
await..these challenges can
bring me down anytime.
I would lose if i go beyond
the limits.
It is indeed fun, teasing
people. The outcome is,
you get a sense of satisfaction.
You laugh, other people laugh.
There will be smiley faces around.
But what they do not take note,
is the one that is being teased.
It is hurtful, very hurtful inside.
Nobody can ever imagine that.
That's because they are not the ones
who go through every day in school.
A sensitive one i am..i can't help it.
I've told my friends about is too
strong for me to withstand and what
is not. And this time, it is fuckin
unwithstandable..
I wish i could just blow it out
and the hot ashes and lava would
hit their faces and disfigure them.
But hell no, that is too evil..
and i'm not..i just kept mum.
And you know what? It seems to
be the best solution to this never-
ending problem.
Keeping mum as if i don't care.
Answers to questions are monotonous.
Eventually, they will stop bothering,
for a while that is.
Now i'm in a new environment which
is yet to completely adapt.
I wonder, should i value this friendship?
Do they value friendship?
Do they know what a friend should
and should not do?
Just think of it for a sec alright?