it's time i walk away..

I've always loved her..
A..L..W..A..Y..S
It's something
unpredictable..
But in the end it's right.
I hope you had
the time of your life.
The times i spent
with you were the
time of my life..
the happiest, the
most cheerful,
the saddest,
all jumble up into
one emotion:
HAPPINESS..hehe.
sometimes i ask myself
this question:
Why must our relationship
end up this way?
I could at least expect
a 'goodbye'..
but she left stranded
in matter of minutes,
or hours i think..
She should at least
explain to me that she
had to leave me..but
she didn't.
that really escalated
my frustration..
soon i realised that
it was useless getting
angry and dropped it.
But i can't forget you
so easily..I have no idea.
Getting to know you
is like meeting
the fairy of my dreams..
hmm..fairy? No way..
Maybe princess...
Whatever it is, i prayed
to God that this would
last for a very long time..
eternal....
But i was proven wrong.
With you gone and not
being by my side,
i'm stranded just like
a poor man stranded on
an island enclosed with
tall trees and dense
forests...ALONE..
I hope somebody really
rescue me from this island.
Everything that has a
beginning, has an end..
Of course i know that..
but i didn't predict it
would turn out and end
this way...
Anyway, this experience
really taught me a
lesson that is worthwhile.
..it's time i walk away from
you..your life..
this is the very one thing
i despise...but
what to do?..
just like the malay proverb,
" Nasi sudah menjadi bubur."

..Blk 276

Blk 276 is known
for its splendid peace.
I used to dread when
i come to this block
cuz it seems to be
isolated from the
rest in Bangkit..
I got it over with
in a matter of time.
It really sets my mind
at ease whenever i
sit alone at the void
deck around 9 plus
at night..
It IS dark, gives me
the goosebumps..
But if u just sit there
to relieve your stress,
to witness the cool air..
you will definitely forget
about ghosts momentarily.
I've learnt to appreciate
what this blk that i'm
living at have..
HOWEVER...
this place is not for
hanky-pankies..
I know this place
is apt for such things
at night as it's quiet
and there's nobody
else to disturb you.
But i resent it when
i see people kissing
and hugging at the void
deck..
They are trying to destroy
the positive factor
of this block.
Sigh..why can't they just
find some other place
except Bangkit?..

I still...

I Still - Backstreet Boys
I really admire this song.
especially its lyrics..
It resembles most of
the parts of my life.
Upon hearing this song,
it reminds me of u, iha..
I've tried my best..
but the bond between
me n u is just too extremely
strong..
I've been believing...
that after my O levels,
i might succeed..
What is it that makes u
do this to me?
I've realised my mistakes..
(Haiz...)

..my pathetic prelim grades

Here are the results
of my prelim...

English - C5
Malay - A2
Maths - B3
Physics - B3
Chemistry - B3
C.Humanities - C5
Geography - B3
D&T - B3

I know people would
think I'm insane
displaying my grades
when i'm not performing
very well..
Nevertheless, I have no fear
or shame in doing so because
i'll try my very best to
scrap that grades of my cert.

For subjects like maths,
physics and D&T,
I should have gotten
at least an 'A' grade
because i'm quite fond
of those subjects.
Ironically, it turned out
otherwise.
Of course i was vexed
and disappointed too..
With my current grades,
there is certainly nowhere
i can go for the 3-month course.

What i fear the most is
english and chemistry.
We may think english is
an easy subject as we
speak english almost
everyday..
But it is really difficult, man..
After attending some english
courses, I'm more confident
of myself.
Memorisation is required
for chemistry. You have
to memorize numerous
information, facts, etc.
I hope i'm able to get at
least 3/4 of the chemistry
syllabus on the tip of my
fingertips..

One-sided love...fading for good..

Few months have passed..
have tried my best to
get her back but..
no progress...
This one-sided love isn't
worthwhile..
So i've decided to let u go..
I'm sorry, but i just can't
let this matter bring me
down...
Besides, i also know that
you want me to forget
abt u..so that i wun be
able to disturb u anymore.
It's being hard for me
but with the help of
my friends and teachers,
they have convinced me
that studies my first priority
in life..
I've realised that there's no
life without proper, and high
qualifications..
What we've been thru
all along, will just
be my sweet memory..
I'm sure you'll be happy.
So good luck in everything
you do ya?
That's all about it.

you...

Each moment of my life,
i think of her..
never fail...
I just don't know why
i'm so devoted to her.
She's the perfect girl
in my eyes..
I tried to evade that,
but it's a fact.
It's like, she's born to
be loved by people.
It's one hell of a chance
in a lifetime..
Things were working
out very well and it was
a straight, slight bumpy road.
Suddenly, appeared a lot of
high mountains..
i'm not sure whether it's
me or her that did not
manage to climb.
Why must this happen?
There's a thick pane of
glass that acts as a barrier
between me and her now..
All means i've tried to get
myself over to her,
no avail..
and i'm still trying..
i think i made a stupid
mistake back then,
which i have no idea what.
I still need you, girl..
I still care for u..
Do you?
I still love u so much..
really very much..
it's genuine..
Do you?
(..Sigh...)
i just hope to be
together with u again..
i wonder when that
day will arrive..

Arghh!!!!

I've been trying very
hard but it's so
impossible for me to
forget u, wajihah...
Those moments were
too happy for me
to forget...

i'm going on...

I would like to personally
thank my friend, Jacintha
for she's always there for
me in times of problems..
In fact, i already did..
She has enlightened me with
something that is difficult for
me to face..
She didn't really solve it
for me..she just reduce my
burden..i'm feeling quite ok
right now, resuming my
usual daily activities...
I'm going to put all my effort
in my studies...
I have to reset my mind and
instead of good, i'll set it to
'love is evil at this age..'
Hmm..that is a great idea,
it seems..
I can't get it over with in
a split second but i'll do
it slowly..
I'm back to my laughter...
Haha...

journey to be a pilot..

I've checked the RSAF site
few days ago..
I searched for every information
i wish to know..
I found the requirements
to be a pilot of the army..
One need to have a full
GCE 0 level and A level
certificate, and passes in
English, Maths and Physics..
I'm currently concentrating
on this 3 subjects..
I'm improving in maths,
my consistent grade is
A2 or A1 and of course
i'm aiming for A1..
My physics grade was good
initially but due to some
personal problems, i couldn't
cope and my grades dropped..
Now, i'm striving to 'up' my
grade to A1..
My dream means so much to me..
I can't sacrifice it for some
other unnecessary things..
I've set a goal..which is to put
everything aside and also,
after her birthday which is on
28th August, i'm never gonna use
the com until end of december..
i'll try my best..

Girls= Evil

Today, during english
lesson...our english
teacher, Mrs Ang,
asked our opinions
about this following
statement...
"Money is the root of
all evil.."
My friend came out with
something but he did
not tell the teacher about it
for he's afraid it might
offend the opposite gender..
Here it is:
Girls = money x time
Since time is money,
therefore:
Girls = money x money
= (money)^2
Since money is evil..
Hence, he concluded that:
Girls = Evil...
What is your opinion
about this??
Btw, no intention to
offend here...

...

I observed that she has been
running away...
I dunno why..but..
why run away or avoid someone
if that person isn't even
looking for you?
It doesn't make sense..
It's pretty hard to tell
my friends that our
relationship is nothing now.
cuz they will nvr believe me.
So if they see u, running away
the moment i'm within your range,
they'll laugh..
I'll be looking down on the floor
as i walk for i'm embarrassed.
Please, if u must, don't turn
yourself into a laughing stock..
I bear no grudge against u..when
i see u, and u see me,
i'm not, what u say it in malay,
"jeling"...
i'm just changing the direction
of where i'm looking...
cuz it makes me sad looking at u.
Have u ever cherished a relationship,
besides ur friendship?
And i know, a girl of 14yrs,
it's not really the time to
get into a relationship...
Also, you aren't matured enough..
though u look as though u are.
Hence, i'll treat this relationship
as puppy love..cuz one party
did not regard it seriously.
I hope one day, when you've
grown big, you'll understand
what is true love...whereby
no matter how bad times are,
both parties will still struggle
and strive to maintain and
keep the relationship going.
Btw, i really learned alot
from u...thanks alot ya??

a story of a cow...

In this story, the main character
is a cow...this story started since
2003 and it still continuing.
This cow has been walking along the
straight, narrow road..
There wasn't any ulterior
motive then.
As it walked, it suddenly saw
grassland...
It seemed to be so green that
they brightened up the cow's day.
The cow was also happy...
Then one day, the grass seemed
to taste different..
The cow was unhappy and left the
grass..
The grass kept growing but the
cow didn't realise.
It continued it's journey..
One day, the cow saw a
wheatfield which was quite greeny.
It began to eat the wheat...
The wheat grows, the cow eats..
Both were very happy.
It all happened so sudden..
and then in one swift...
the wheat refused to grow..
The cow waited and waited..
even wondering why the wheat
did not grow.
The day arrived when the wheat
proved that it didn't want
to grow for the cow to eat..
The cow was hurt, it was like
the samurai sword slashing
it's heart.
The cow now doesn't know what
to do..it's all alone..
It tried to confront the wheat
but the wheat did not even
say anything...
The cow felt remorsed for what
it has done to the grass..
It left the grass uneaten...let
rain pour on it instead of love..
In this never-ending journey,
the cow learns something...but
the cow did not even know what
it has learned...
It wishes to turn back but it's
too guilty for him....
He's sorry for what had
happened...

missin' you..

It's been a few months
since i last saw her.
I hardly see her now.
I just dunno, whether
she's running away frm me
or is it otherwise..
I've been separated from
her for too long a time.
I dunno if i'm still in her heart.
I can't bear being teased
by my friends but i just
tolerated cuz i din wana
ruin my friendships with them.
But hearing her name, her
face projected right in front
of me.
And all the sweet memories
we had together flashed
back vividly.
i've been sick these few days.
But i din wana express it to
my fellow frens cuz they
will feel bad abt it.
There are a thousand adjectives
of sorrows and pain in my smiles.
Imagine if she were to say that
she wants us to go our
separate ways.
I wonder what will my reactions be.
She's riveted in my heart.
It's so hard to remove it.
It's gonna take alot of
pain and sufferings.
I wana live my life with her.
But sometimes i've been thinking
if it is possible.
She just doesn't know if
i'm true to her.
She still doesn't realise it
after all i've done for her.
She thinks i'm just lusting.
Frankly, i'm not.
I've been serious all along
about this.
It took me a long time to
reach your heart.
I eliminated all the obstructions.
And finally, i reached my
destination.
I was so relieved when i
successfully confessed my
love to u.
And you made very happy
by replying the same.
That was the happiest
moments in my life...
Do you ever notice that
my life has cheered up,
my life has become brighter
with you by my side.
I didn't have the courage to
express it when i'm with you,
side by side.
Ever since the terrible thing
happened, my happiness was
snatched away.
I assume yours were snatched
away too rite?
I, myself didn't believe that
i've hurt u.
I didn't expect your friends
to tell you everything i told
them and i don't accuse them
of that.
(Sigh...)
You understand me the most.
Please don't tell me now you don't.

fading to nothing..

i'm not trying to
be crappy or
pessimists or paranoid
here..but based on
what i've gone thru,
soon after, we'll be
nothing to each other.
Question is, are u going
to accept that fact?
What are going to
do about it?
Just let it be?
The answers are all
in your heart..
It has always been u
in my mind n in my heart.
I don't wish to change that
unnecessarily.
But what about u?
What's in ur mind and heart?

disappointed..

I couldn't believe it..
When i asked u, sarcastically,
"What do u think is happening
in our relationship?"
And you said, "Erm..nth."
I mean, how could you say that?
It's so obvious that we din
get to interact with each other
often.
And you gave me an ans
as though you didn't care.
I'm ultimately disappointed,
not with you, but myself.
Cuz i didn't shower you with
enough love, perhaps.
As days pass by, my sufferings
become unbearable.
No one knows abt this, more than
i do.
That's why people think that i'm
not having problems cuz
i din express it in my
facial expression.
But this is where i express it,
all of them.
I'm reli suffering..i need someone
who could end this.
And the person who WILL end it,
is the person who caused it.
I'm not accusing u that u
started all this.
Only YOU can make me feel happy
once again..only you.
Only You can bring back the warmth
that has long been gone.
Please, i'm begging you...

why must u do this to me..

I'm reli hurt to know
that we actually had
alot of chance to meet
and talk things out.
U gave ur excuses.
U ignored me,
u avoid me...
Izit bcuz u already have
someone else? whom you'll
be most happy with.
If u do, i'll be very happy
for u but the pain will
take yrs to kill it.
Why must u do this to me?
Without reasons...
I did whatever i could to be
in contact with u.
But u just pretend as if
nothing happens.
This question is for u..
do u still wana continue
this relationship of ours?
Give me your ans the moment
u read this post.
Don't keep me waiting, cuz
it would reli make me damn angry,
aft everything you've done..!!

PORTUGAL WON !!!

My favourite team in
the world cup is
Portugal.
I've been supporting
Portugal since
Christiano Ronaldo
joined Man United and
has been playing in the
1st 11 for Portugal.
Last nite, Portugal
compete with England
to go to the semi-finals.
It's was 0 - 0 in the
90mins. And it was still
0 - 0 in the extra time.
I was really afraid tt
England might score.
But i was relieved when
it wasn't successful.
The penalty kick-out
was the one which
made me nervous.
I even perspired when
2 of Portugal's
players missed the penalty.
But Ricardo, their keeper
really saved the day.
He managed to save 3/4
of England's Penalty shots.
When it was time C.Ronaldo
to kick, I was praying
so hard tt he will score.
I knew that he's an
experienced player who
has nvr missed his penalty
kicks.
And YES!!! HE SCORED.
PORTUGAL MANAGED TO GO TO
THE SEMI-FINALS.
I was so happy, man...
I kept smiling..keke.

some feet exercise..

Yesterday, i played soccer
at the hall in front of
ali's block.
I'm supposedly asked to
come at 9 but i woke up
late but i din reli mind.
Coincidentally, my parents
were going to the market
at bukit batok.
So they gave me a ride.
As i reached, my frens saw
me and asked me to join them
cuz they're short of
one player.
'THEM' refers to Ali,
Farid, Chan.
We had to reform the team
cuz i just came.
Altogether, there were
4 teams of four.
My team won Alvin's team
and we will meet the other
team in Finals..Hehe.
Then Ali's team won
Farid's team.
We met Ali's team in the
Finals.
Farid's team and Alvin's
had to fight for the
3rd n 4th placing.
It was a tough match
but Farid's team was
uneasily defeated.
Our match started very
tensely. Haha.
It was as though we're
playing in a real
tournament.
We were panicking..
it was so fun, man...
At first, my team was leading.
I scored the first goal,
with a volley using my
left leg. Second was my teammate,
YaoJie who kicked an incoming ball
really hard and it went in.
Ali's team then equalised
due to some mistakes made by
our unexperienced goalkeeper.
It was 2 - 2.
The atmosphere was different.
Everyone was desperate to
score a goal to determine
the champion.
Our opponent found some
space and kicked the ball
right in between of my
keeper's legs.
I couldn't believe it.
I fell to my knees.
Thats the end of the tournament.
We lost..
I was pretty upset and angry
cuz my keeper made stupid mistakes.
But i calmed down mins later.
We played for abt 5hrs,
non-stop.
I could hardly walk cuz my
legs were painful.
I was tired, very tired.
I reached home and i had
a headache.
I recovered hours later.
I reli had fun playing soccer
there.

it's painful in here..

It's really painful here
in my heart, without her
by my side.
I didn't get the chance to
contact her.
I've been thinking of her
always..i can't help it.
It has been affecting my
studies. I can't pay 100%
attention to what the teacher
is teaching.
My mind would wonder elsewhere.
Can somebody help me?
Only her friends can help me.
Whenever i'm lonely,
i would think of her.
Even if i'm with my friends,
i'll think of her..
The reason i find love is
because i feel lonely.
Now, i feel more lonely
than ever..it's hurting me.
Sometimes it's bearable,
sometimes it's not.
What should i do?
Can a kind soul help me?
I'm having too many problems.
I love her so much..
but what happened, has
gone too far for me to
chase and catch it.

..

I guess this is the only
way i can express out.
And i'm sure you will
be able to read.
To be frank, i've had
enough stirring troubles
in your life.
I made it worse.
Your mum knows you've been
smsing me.
under these circumstances,
it's time for us to forget
each other.
Even if you have to destroy
the love, i encourage u
to DO IT..
There's no way out, wajihah.
It's pre-destined.
There's no opportunity
for us to meet, to talk..
i have no other choice,
this is my last resort.
I'm so sorry... ='(