What the fuckin' hell is wrong with these people?
What is their main intention of holding
innocent minds as hostages and showing
no mercy to them?? Though those hostages
are not related to me, i feel really sad
for the family of the deceased..
The way they were murdered was really
inhumane, according to the news reporter.
I wonder how it must have felt being
murdered mercilessly..It must have been
unexpected. It's like you are asked to turn behind
and face a plain meaningless wall,
drips of sweats of fear trickle down your
forehead..you don't know what's gonna happen.
Then in a glimpse of an eye, everything went
blank..or it could be worse. They murder you
slowly so that you can feel the excruciating
pain. I really can't imagine it..
If only i had the power to entirely eliminate
any aggressors that is standing this ground
of earth. If only i can read people's minds,
like their plans to do something bad or anything.
Sigh..just where do their human conscience go?
Can somebody stop this hell!!??

The mysterious girl in my dream..

I had a dream last night, of meeting a girl
whom i've yet to know..
a sweet, nice, average looking girl.
I can't even remember how
i got to meet her. She seemed to
be of the same age as me.
I can remember that when i met her,
we walked around and had
loads of fun..where? exactly i don't know.
I can't recall that vividly..
Then, it was time for her to go,
i don't know where..
And i held her hand, and kissed
it, and i cried. I really cried..
I cried as if she had made me
so happy that i couldn't bear
to let her leave.. and...
she was gone..
i woke up soon after.
Whoever that girl was, I wish
i could meet her someday.
I wanna feel happy like before.
sigh..

..pissed off am i today.
I was supposed to have my 7th
flight today at 1640 but the stupid
school event held me back..
Have you no idea how many flights
i cancelled over the past few days?
It's not that we can cancel our
flights anytime we want..
that club doesn't belong to me.
I already complied with that
sucker asshole CCA HOD that
i'll cancel my morning flights and
book afternoon flights..i just did..
And the annoying thing was, she
was always nowhere to be found.
I searched for her fucking asshole
all over the school and couldn't
find her. Just where the fucking
hell was she? AARRGHHH!!!
Why is this school making things
damn hard for me to handle!!??
One after another, more problems
arrive. I can't deal with these
all at one go, can i? Of course not.
Morever, my bloody CT already
spoilt my mood.. i'll be meeting
the principal with my parents
for "good"..
Whatever it is, i have to complete
my phase 1 before the
meet-the-parent session.
I just met my syfc coursemate,
Ben who is in PJC too.
He told me that he was asked to
meet the principal and CCA HOD.
His results was not that bad, why
would he have to see them??
The CCA HOD called syfc and told
auntie winnie about it..and
Ben was nearly phased out..
lucky the instructor he flew with
wasn't his primary instructor
so they gave him a chance to re-fly
the sortie but i'm not sure if he
will be phased out..
Sigh..why have i become more
dumb and stupid??
I studied really hard but i still
can't achieve the grades that
i want.. Maybe because of the
negative externalities..
Maybe i've been spending time
on my laptop and FIFA 07..
I gotta stop this destructive habit.
Alright people, i'll be gone from here.

I will definitely never forget the wonderful experience
of flying in a genuine aircraft at a young age like this.
I guess not many youths have this chance..
I just have the feeling that i might be phased out.
Although i might advance to phase 2, i will
somehow be phased out half way as there isn't
enough time left to complete those flights..
It is just too many to complete.
The above picture is a picture of one of the
aircrafts in SYFC in the parking shed..
Though they are small, i really learnt a lot
in it. I would like to thank my friends and
family who have been supporting me to
continue this SYFC course..without them,
i would have simply withdrawn from it due
to the level of stress that i have to go through.
Despite my school's discouragement of this
course, my friends have always been there
to compensate the negativities..i'm really grateful.
I haven't been feeling emotionally well lately
due to this problem in school.. However, it just gets
better everyday..i feel better now..
I feel that i can manage time well right now
and i'm slowly catching up with my school work.
Below is a picture of a fighter jet that i've been
longing to navigate. With its speed faster than
the speed of sound, everything would be silent
in the cockpit except for the voices of you, your
weapons navigator and the air base, how cool will it be?
It is none other than the magnificent F-16..

Question..
must a person, especially
mothers, raise their voice
or shout at the top of their
lungs whenever they are
angry at us?
Unlike my father, he would
never scream when he scolds.
That's because he believes that
we are all grown up now.
There's no need to use methods
that is not good for own health.
Why mothers scream when they
scold?
Well, that's mainly because they
like to stress their throat so much?
Hmm..maybe they like to feel
tired? Haiz..i just don't understand.

Deathly Hallows temptation

What the hell!!??
I wanna buy the new
harry potter book,
the deathly hallows.
It will be the last story,
how sad.. =(
I wish i could buy it but
my allowance hasan't
come in yet..
The cover alone looks
appealing and seducing.
I don't wanna listen to
others who have read it
tell me the story line.
I'll never listen to them.
I don't give a damn,
i'm gonna do everything
so that my mum would
buy them for me..muahaha

I thought i have grown stronger.
I can face such hurtful jokes
without even stressing myself.
I was wrong.
i just can't take it anymore.
I'm at a new level now..
i feel that at this level,
it's worse than before.
There are challenges that
await..these challenges can
bring me down anytime.
I would lose if i go beyond
the limits.
It is indeed fun, teasing
people. The outcome is,
you get a sense of satisfaction.
You laugh, other people laugh.
There will be smiley faces around.
But what they do not take note,
is the one that is being teased.
It is hurtful, very hurtful inside.
Nobody can ever imagine that.
That's because they are not the ones
who go through every day in school.
A sensitive one i am..i can't help it.
I've told my friends about is too
strong for me to withstand and what
is not. And this time, it is fuckin
unwithstandable..
I wish i could just blow it out
and the hot ashes and lava would
hit their faces and disfigure them.
But hell no, that is too evil..
and i'm not..i just kept mum.
And you know what? It seems to
be the best solution to this never-
ending problem.
Keeping mum as if i don't care.
Answers to questions are monotonous.
Eventually, they will stop bothering,
for a while that is.
Now i'm in a new environment which
is yet to completely adapt.
I wonder, should i value this friendship?
Do they value friendship?
Do they know what a friend should
and should not do?
Just think of it for a sec alright?

GM's Dialogue

During the GM dialogue, we were
asked if we had anything to ask
or comment on..anything on syfc.
The staff, instructors, facilities..
We had nothing to say..i guess
cause everything was fine so far.
Since we had nothing to say, the GM
told us about his life story..about him
being in RSAF, the life he went through,
a few years of not spending time
with his family..and the things he did
during training in RSAF.
He went through the BMT for 3 months
and after that, he was assigned to
air force. After some time, he was again
assigned to F5, a fighter jet.
After a year of about 100 flights,
he became an F5 trainer.
He was then chosen to be an F16 pilot.
Then he was sent to the states for
training..manouveures and aerobatics.
There was operation red flag..
listening to him speak made me more
determined to go to airforce and
navigate the fighter jet. You guys should
go to youtube and search of
operation red flag.. it was really cool
and just cool..haha..
pilots from other countries were
present..there was this red team
and green team..
But the bad thing is, we won't be
able to see our family for about
3 to 5 years. We'll be staying
overseas..meeting different people
of different religions and races.
But the good thing is, if we are
opted to go for local universities
scholarships, our tuition and
everything else is paid for.
On top of that, while we study,
$4ooo++ will constantly being
added in our bank account.
Isn't that great? Wow..

Last day of 152 together

I had my groundschool at seletar
today.. I was supposed to have my
flight, my sortie 5 but really
unfortunately, it rained..
a heavy downpour..
I expected the rain to last
long and it did..
There it happened again.
I had 5 Cx..it was the worst
thing that could happen to me.
Lucky some of my course mates
came early so i spent time with
them in the sim room, ops room
and cafe too. 1240 was approaching
so we went up to the mass briefing
room at level 2.
We had a dialogue session with
the GM(general manager)..
We had 'nothing' to stress out
to him which he assumed that
we are so far happy being in syfc.
In fact, we are. The special friends
from different JCs around the island.
I'm really fortunate to have met them.
They are not those arrogant type though
they are academically genius.
Some are from RJC, HCJC, NJC,
and even NUS high..i had fun with them
during groundschool..
Today would be the last day we'll
be having mass briefs and groundschool
together..We would meet each other
before our flights if we are lucky.
One of my coursemates even
composed a song called,
'my friends from 152'..it was nice
and soothing..the lyrics are touching too.
I'll really treasure the great friends
i made in the youth flying club..

encourage lah..

There is one thing about my
current institution that i'm
pissed off with.. damn..
My inst doesn't encourage
students to join SYFC
mainly because flights will
clash with lessons and this
might affect the student's
performance in their studies.
This is true..i agree..
But it's up to the students to
join that club..because this
is what they want..
Take me for example,
i join syfc because i want to
be a pilot..
either a fighter or commercial.
It is for my future..my dream.
The inst has no damn right to
stop us from reaching our dreams.
The VP told me just now,
"I don't give a damn of how much
you pay for the flying lesson. You
have to follow my rules."
That truly sucks lah..
Of course he could say that because
he isn't the one taking the lesson.
It's not his ambition anyway, it's mine.
I don't give a damn too..
And don't think that i can't cope
with my studies..
let me explain for my results.
I just need some time to adapt
to the new system..and subjects too.
It will take time for me to climb
up the ladder that keeps
shortening in length.. and also,
i need someone to at least motivate
and encourage me to do better.
Not discourage me and make me
lose hope..damn ass..
I like my CT..she's the best.
She understands me the best.
I had a talk with her and she said
she's very concerned for me
judging by my current results.
She said she can't stop what i'm doing
cause this is my dream..to be pilot.
She encouraged me a lot..
She told me firmly that she would
wanna see me in J2 next year.
And i told her.."I WILL!!!"
that's the kind of motivation i want.
I'm grateful my friends are there for me.
My greatest concern would be,
i'm afraid i might not be able
to advance to phase 2.
I need more confidence man.
That is how the instructors determine
whether we ought to go to phase 2.
I need to get all the checks right..
I must be confident..
At the same time, i must buck up
in my academics.
There is utterly no use having a PPL
with a low academic history.
I'm eyeing for the SAF scholarship.
I'm going to be the first known malay pilot.
No matter how steep the slope is.

The last day of the Old Grand Dame..

2 days ago(Saturday), i went to
kallang stadium along with some
of my 4A'07 classmates and one of
Albert's friend from his institution.
Towkoon was kind enough to book
the tickets beforehand as it was
damn crowded when we reached there.
In fact, it was already crowded when we
were walking there. We had to walk one
round and then crossed the overhead
bridge before we finally reached the stadium.
As a matter of fact, the displacement was
half the distance we walked..
As soon as we arrived, we grabbed the best
seats that we could find..
Soon enough, the match between the
s'pore veterans and m'sia veterans began.
Too bad Fandi Ahmad couldn't make it for
he was and is still in Indonesia coaching
his team. The game was pretty slow well
because thet are old and their skills are
depleting.
There is one lady about the age of my mum
who kept laughing annoyingly at the way the
veterans were playing. It was as if she's the coach.
She also commented on one of the m'sia veterans
that he was plump and could hardly run..
When he was substituted, many applauded not
because of his great skills and play, but because
m'sia had finally taken out the black sheep
shall i say..
S'pore scored the first goal which was a very
cool and nice one by sundramoorthy..
He chipped the ball to the top corner.
During the second half, the game was pacing
up.. It became more challenging.
One of the s'pore defenders tackled
the m'sian striker from the back and
was awarded a penalty..that was how
m'sia equalised..final result was a draw.
We wished we could bring our own
bottles of drinks but we were prohibited.
probably because they fear that we fans
might throw the bottles at the players
or referees, or even the ball-pickers..haha..
Me and sooraj were dehydrating..
drinks were selling at 2 bucks per cup,
which i could simply get it at the minimart
near my house at $1.50 per 1.5litre.
So i couldn't afford to invest 2 dollars
on the small cup..such a waste of money.
The s'pore fans were cheering for
mark viduka and harry kewell..haha..
because they are the EPL stars..
i guess the s'pore players must have
been disheartened by that..
The aussie supporters were really hyper
i must say.. the moment they entered the
stadium, they cheered and captured
our attention.. whenever they were intervals
and funky songs were being played, they would
move to the groove and began dancing like
wild monkeys..haha..
s'pore players did well during the first half.
They missed many chances to score.
All the aussie players were BIG..haha..
S'pore didn't stand a chance..4 of our players
were injured just because of body contacts.
In the middle of the second half, kewell
came in and everyone started screaming
for him.. and he scored one for australia.
After the match, we supporters were asked
to stay for the closing ceremony of the
national stadium..
We went back to history for some time.
The hosts told about the great things that
happened in that national stadium that
made us proud of it.
Fireworks then began..they were damn
nice..and there was this heart shaped
firework but unfortunately, i couldn't
captured it cuz of camera problems.
After that, a band performed some covered
songs by other bands like U2, etc..
We jumped with joy, moving to the beat,
enjoying ourselves..
WELL, it was really a night to remember.
The memorable national stadium will
be torn down soon..sigh..
[There was this one girl whom i've been
keeping my eyes on at the stadium.
She was sitting a few rows below me.
She looks like an arabian but also
like an israeli..
She's not like some girls who care
so much on their dressing(materialistic).
Her dressing was simple..
She was of course sweet and her
smile was melting me..not really, haha..
I guess she's a PR cuz she speaks a bit
of singlish.
I really forgo my chances that time,
to get to know her..get her friendster
or even number? Haha..
At least make friends with her.
Frankly, that's the kind of girl
that i've been looking for but
situation had changed..
She and her siblings just went off
like that without me noticing..
Sigh..what an opportunity..