The key to success to beat your own records and make sure keep beating them. This means to say that you should compete with your ownself, your own grades, and make sure for every test or examination, you'll get higher than your previous grade. It does not stop here, you should consistently beat your new records until you arrive at a point of time when you realize that you have subconsciously overtaken the rest. That is when you would feel the endless satisfaction you've never felt before in your whole life.

I'm starting to feel a twitch of confidence. I know it has never gone back on me. I can do it.

Nothing felt worse than being fucked up. I don't feel okay today. Something was just wrong. I'm emotionally unstable, i can't control my emotions from being leaked out. It felt as if i was perturbed over something but, what the fuck is it? Furthermore, today was really fucked. It all started during my break, i was dealt with a hard blow. Then in class, i uncontrollably screamed out each and every bit of my feelings with just 2 words: fuck off!!! Besides that, i was even being sounded by the GP **tch, for not attending the fuckin' night class, when i already opted for a change. I already told you that i wanted to change, and i don't recall you fuckin' tell me to seek her approval about it when she already told me to seek yours. Just what the fuck is this? And do you think being emo is something which is called for? Do you think that if you can be emo whenever you feel like? Let me tell you something. You're fucked up. There is a lot more than just being quiet and keeping to yourself. That's that.

The Dream

I just woke up from my sleep a few minutes ago and i've decided to post this. When i woke up, i realized that my eyes were wet, as if i had been crying. So here's what happened. I was in a strange place. I could see a wide field, full of small kids and some adults. And the small kids were practising with their bow and arrow? It's kinda random so i can't link them. Then everybody started running so i followed suit. While i was running, a kid beside me asked if the tree is firm. I was speechless for a moment(who wouldn't be) and then i told him the answer about how the tree is firm due to the deep roots. And then, i have no idea how, the kid told an older person(seems like my dad) that i was looking for someone, my ex-girlfriend. I was like, 'HUH! I didn't say that.' Soon, i arrived at some sort of a village, i could see cottages. I came across one, looked at my reflection through the window of one of the cottages and suddenly an old lady came out: my grandmother. She asked why i'm feeling sad and down. Of course, i said i wasn't. But she somehow knew that i have been feeling sad and she invited me in. I sat down and started crying. '????'. So i was crying about my mum? She has been sick and on bed for quite a while. I haven't been taking good care of her. My grandmother consoled me and poof! I was awake. And had tears in my eyes, some were dripping down my cheeks. So, i was crying both in my dreams and also in the real world?

A cute encounter
I was with jingyi at the mac at CWP. There was a lil girl of age between 2 to 4 beside us. I had nothing to do so i decided to blink and smile at the girl. I expected her to look away but instead, she mimicked me. The same actions. I thought it was only a random thing by her. So i told jingyi and showed her. She mimicked again. The thing is, she was damn smart. Very very, too smart. And furthermore, when her mum was far away from her, instead of shouting 'Mummy!', she called her mum by making the whistling sound that guys typically do to attract girls: wee-weet. Haha. I was laughing all the way(silently). I reckon she would be a very smart and intelligent girl when she grows up. =)

Jingyi is just an extraordinary girl. I still can't believe i keep losing when it comes to eating ie. finishing meal in the least possible time. Haha. No offence uh.

I despise the fact that i have to put on a mask before i lift my feet across the doorstep.

Some people say, you will undergo failure to succeed. I wonder if this is even applicable in my case.

I received a double blow today. First of all, i've disappointed my parents. They came for a meeting with my teacher today, and everything was one hell of a screw up. Tried my very best to hide the emo feeling from my friends to avoid any unnecessary commotion. I've never shed a single tear until today. I thought i was the saddest man on the planet right now. Then, i reached home and received a letter from air force. I won't receive the letter if i'm accepted of the post. So you get what i mean. Like i mentioned in my previous posts, journey to my dream always end in the middle of the path and it just did. I just can't think of any alternative right now. I've never thought of any before. I've disappointed my parents, and my friends who gave me incessant support and encouragement to become a pilot, and not to forget, i've disappointed myself totally. Now, i have every fuckin' reason to be emo. I guess it's time for me to remove the badge. I'm terribly sorry i've let all of you down.

I'm really feeling scared as the days progress. I don't know whether i'll be accepted by the military and be sent for training overseas after my basic training. To be certain, i would very much like that to happen. I'm certain of every decision i make, it will lead to where i want it to be. But sometimes, it's not in your hands. It's in THEIR hands. Argh! I guess i'm the only person in this world who is experiencing the highest degree of the word 'SCARED'. I've never been so timid like this before.

probably getting a new bag next week..

i've brought pain ever since..to myself and to them. I don't think i can hold on much longer. My friends from polytecnic are doing way better than me. And i seem to progress much slowly. I just wanna be free from this torture chamber.

"If you can't hold on, let it go and come back in your heart.
And if you can't hold on, maybe it's not time for you
But if you can't hold on, on your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through"

So far, i've been successful in aligning myself with the path of my dreams. But something has been consistently happening. I've never went pass the centrepoint of the journey. I will be blown by strong sudden wind that pushes me away from the path. It has happened twice. And i'm afraid that it might happen for the third time. I feel that i did relatively bad for the compass test. It's just my feeling. But i need to keep a positive mindset and that whatever the outcome, has its reasons. God obviously wants to prove something to us, whenever we fail in achieving something. And it's up to us to find the answers to our questions.

The aptitude test is nearing. I don't know how to get myself prepared besides having an early sleep. I've been with my flight simulator since. Hope it'd be of a great help on the day itself. Man, i'm really really nervous. There's no other word to describe how i feel. It's a pilot test, mind you. I have to do it well and be shortlisted for an interview. Argh! This means that i'll not come to school this wednesday. And considering whether i should come back to school for the econs lecture. I've set a mentality that i'd not skip any additional lessons cause A levels is nearing and i'm still not getting that quality grades. I pity S29 as a whole including me. We have been among the lowest since last year. We are determined to be the best, at least the most improved class. So God, i pray that you wish us all the best. And also, i pray that i'd do above average for the aptitude test. Amin.

I have every reason to be emo..

Why do different people of different religions see various kind of ghosts? For example, the christians, if they are fortunate enough, they would see ghosts in the form of spirits lurking around their neighbourhood. For muslims, we would see ghosts such as pochong, a ghost which hops in small steps and also covered with white cloth that is used to wrap a corpse prior to their burial. As for the chinese people(i don't know how many religions they have), they would see ghosts, also like the pochong, but the ghost wears a hat and a chinese suit i think. Whatever it is, what does this mean? Doesn't the word 'ghost' carry only one definition? A wandering spirit? So who is right? Or neither is right. And that there is no such thing as ghost. It only has something to do with the situation at that point of time and how vulnerable your imaginations can get. Others who don't believe in ghosts believe in them when they get to see them right in front of their eyes. Why do those ghosts appear in front of them only when they ask for it? So give yourself some time to sit down and ponder this. Ghosts..do they really exist?

this is just way too cool

My GC was stolen today, in the mosque. This increasing trend of theft cases is really annoying to people who go to mosque with peace and sincerity hoping that nothing bad will happen to them. A good example is me. An essential and something that plays a big part of me has just been stolen by some fuckers whom instead of praying with the group, they sneaked and opened people's belongings and grab whatever they see appealing. They would even grab the whole bag or sandals. This people are ruthless and i don't think they are even afraid of the consequences of what they're doing. I don't even think they know the concepts of ISLAM well. They even dare to steal in the holy vicinity. FUCK THEM! Curse them over and over again.

Finished my last paper today: Physics. I find that paper 2 was quite okay and i could pass it. However, paper 1 was a menace. And i felt there is something wrong with the duration. I didn't get to think through all the questions let alone finishing it. I find that the time was too short. What the hell. Everyone was like moaning and groaning about it.