The First Move

My loneliness has made me more tempted to find a companion which would keep me company, make me feel secured and peaceful. Always making me smile and laugh whenever we chat. And even jokes that are endless. I used to experience these previously. At first, i thought i would be with her for a very long time, perhaps forever. Perhaps i was so into love at that time. Well, things went the other way. I was already so happy with her. Life full of joy. One fine day, she sent me an email wanting to go separate ways. It wasn't just like that of course, long story. All i could say is, good things sure come to an end. For almost a year, i've been bearing it. But now, i possibly can't. My loneliness has become intensed. Thing is, should i make the first move? What if i made a fool out of myself? What if she doesn't even bear any feelings for me? What if she doesn't even know who i am? That would be a moment when i will never face up to myself ever again. But peer pressure showed that i SHOULD make the first move. At least tell her that i fancy her. But..what if they are attached? Arrghh!!! I would get instantaneous bashing from her boyfriend. Anyone, help me with this stuff?

p.s. no specific person/girl involved

Just a random photo of me. In the midst of becoming a street magician huh..

Fuckin' Frustrated

I would like to express my feelings regarding a matter. Today seemed to one of my luckiest days. This may sound silly to ya'll but it's not to me. It's so hard to find a BICYCLE card deck, especially a BLACK TIGER. I went to the ICA with my family to make a replacement of my IC. After that, we went to Raffles Hospital to eat our breakfast/lunch. We then went to a nearby shopping centre which seemed to be uncrowded. It doesn't look like a shopping centre to me. It was very quiet inside. As we were walking inside, i came across a shop. My first sight was, some mahjong tiles. Just before i looked away, i saw a typical BICYCLE deck. I lay my eyes on it for quite some time.

Then i approached the shop slowly and glanced at the display. There were actually more. The shop tender who was an old lady(not so old till she can't walk..she was well-conversed in english though), she asked me to come in and take a look at the BICYCLE decks she has in store. I was astounded. There were more than BICYCLE. All the undistributed decks from USA were there. I saw a black BICYCLE deck which is BLACK TIGER and asked her for the price. It was 12 bucks. Well, it's a typical price for a black BICYCLE deck. So i took it for 12 bucks. I didn't tell my dad that i bought it because he will scold thinking that i bought that deck to gamble. Actually, i bought it because it's appealing and seems to be the most attractive card deck. Besides that, i bought to practice and learn some magic tricks. Once i reached home, i headed for my room and unwrapped the transparent plastic that enclosed the deck box. The moment i touched the cards, i soon fell in love with it. I kept it all in one piece and hid it under my blanket and then went to living room to play some games and surf the net on my notebook.

After about 2 hours, i went into my room to try out some magic tricks. It was GONE. I looked for everywhere in my house without telling my parents what i was actually looking for though they kept asking me. I have my mum in mind. I think she went into my room to place some clothes in my cupboard. It couldn't be my sister. Why would she wanna take it? She doesn't even know how to name the four houses. It could be my dad, but he slept when we reached home. It was my first ever card deck. And it cost me 12 bucks. That's a lot of money. I can jamm with my band with it. Gosh.. Arrghh.. I can't ask my mum and dad whether they entered my room and took something that belongs to me in the presence of each other. I'll be doomed if so. Sigh.. I'm fuckin' frustrated right now.

I really admire this video. I know it's kinda outdated but i just feel like posting about it. Matt used to scream like hell in the past. And i like this scream of his. It's awesome. Hope he can take the dare to scream again, at least once would do.

Relieved..

On my journey to school today, i couldn't help feeling damn anxious. Possible outcome is that i retain or promoted. Getting retained alone would be the end of the world to me. Some said getting retained would be a good thing because we will be given a chance to start all over again and possibly do exceptionally well for the next promotional examination. However, surprisingly, i got PROMOTED. Of course i was really happy when i didn't see my name on the board outside the G.O. But i couldn't let it out because i was still uncertain. Well, eventually, those names that do not appear on the board means that those people would be promoted. Based on the results of my promotional examination, the possibility of me promoting is 50:50. The moderation was really outstanding and exaggerating. I would like to thank God for answering my prayers and giving me a second chance to prove myself worthy to be a JC2 student. Nevertheless, i feel sad for my friends who did not make to JC2 namely R*****, A****, J**N***. These 3 guys have been the closest to me and now, we'll be physically apart. I had high hopes for them to promoted. I was astonished myself, to be hearing news about them not getting to be promoted. They didn't look upset either. I would like to wish my friends who couldn't make it, all the best for their journey to the promos next year. I bet ya'll do extremely well and at least be able to establish yourselves as the top students. Meanwhile, i'll do my very best for A levels, now that i've been given a chance. I'll do anything to clear my doubts about any subjects. No more SHY guy, it's time for DARE guy.

I guess i'll not go for her. I think it's dumb of me to do that. It is also not pleasant to be a person who always have a change of heart. It makes me feel as if i'm not true to the person I truly love and particularly, myself. I really miss this someone. There have been a repetition of this but it just makes me feel a lot better. Though the time we spent together was FANTASTICALLY little, I wish i had cherished those days and better, cherish YOU. Why do you have to pull my mine along with yours? Sigh..I also think that i'm becoming more eMo nowadays. Even my friends said so. I don't even wanna be an emo person, who rarely socialises. But the problem that has been tailing me since, has made me into one. Argh!!!

I'm beginning to really fall in love with this girl. It all started from a mere crush which i feel is stupid. She's the talk of the town. How can she ever be my girlfriend? The more lonely I've become, the more desperate i become. Haha. When i say desperate, it doesn't mean Really-A-Despo. She's of course, very beautiful and admirable, adorable too. At first, i thought she ain't gonna be friendly. But it turned out that she actually IS friendly. Whenever i chat with her online, i will feel happy, like never before. It's been a long time since i last had this emotion. Sometimes i wonder when will this speckle of happiness come. I've been longing and YEARNING for it. I definitely can't make it come, so i might just have to wait. I'm furious at myself. Why do I get to know her and make friends with her only now?; when school is nearing end(in fact, it already ended). Furthermore, i don't even know if i'll be leveling up or remain at the same level. I doubt she will remain. So my only hope is to get promoted. I didn't meet the promotional criteria i guess, but i hope this time, they'll do it by ranks and i sincerely hope that i'm not at the bottom 300 or 400 of the whole cohort, 1000. My last words for today, It would be GREAT if you could be mine. Even if it seems impossible, i'm sure it can be made POSSIBLE.

JC1 ends..

Today was the last day we will be in the classroom together as a class. Today marked the end of JC1. However, the day when we will know whether we'll be going separate ways is not today. We are going to enjoy and let the devil out of us free for a while and as 9 Nov approaches, it is time. Embrace yourself, young minds. For that day will determine your fates. Wah, i sound awkward. Haha. Anyway, i didn't take many photos on my phone today. I did take 1 or 2.

This photo irks me. Haha. This allen wanted to act g@y but since it's the last day, i just played along. And that marcus, always a pain in the ass. =D

..throwing oil to the fire

I'm already feeling down about my performance. I really want to be promoted. No matter what it takes. Even if I had to go for probation, i'll be willing to. If anything goes wrong during my journey to achieving my dreams, i'll feel like killing myself. My dreams are everything to me. I have to get them. There is no exception. Now, there is another thing that makes or rather made me more upset. It's about my ex. I guess she's attached now. I don't know how to describe the feeling that i have for. It's between 'special friend' and 'just a friend'. I used to be hyper and joyous when i sms her last time. But now, i'm not anymore. I guess it's not pleasant to sms with a person who already belongs to another. I have many eye-candies in school. If i could, i would get one of them to be my girlfriend(if they accept), but i just didn't want to. For what reasons, they are unclear. But i wish to salute her, coz she managed to push through all the obstacles and got herself out of the maze. I'm really happy for her and also, I hope you'll be happy with him. =)

i just need one more chance..

I was leniently given a chance. A chance to prove myself worthy of proceeding to the next level. I know I did everything i could to get what i want, what i really want. Grabbing this chance would mean almost everything in my life. I failed to grab this opportunity. My intention was never to break my own record. I still never ponder about what my next step would be, cause I still have some faith in myself. Though it deceived me, once. I'm gonna take this damn risk. I'm gonna give it one more try. Please God, just give me one more chance. I don't wish to fail this mission. I hope He grants me this important prayer of mine. I really plead upon You.

..think i have what i want already

This is just a random picture i took with Weicheng and Weihan today during the PW workshop. It was as if it was our last days.

This is a picture of four of the most talented and gifted football players in S29. Cool eh? Haha. I was just kidding. In fact, we play soccer well. As in, our combination is really effective. We are called 'Imba' which was named by our Chairman of the team, Weihan. Hehe. Anyway, today i just added an additional RAM into my notebook. I thought i could change/improve the graphics of my notebook but i actually can't. There's no way i can change what's on the motherboard. But i think i have what i want already. An additional RAM and since i can't buy a new graphics card, i cancelled it out of the list. You know, i met my classmate when i was near the entrance of lot 1. I think she looks better now. Erm..kinda hot. A pity i just said 'hi', smiled as if i haven't seen her for a long time which in fact, is true, and then just continued walking. It was so stupid of me. We could have grab a table in Mac, buy a drink and have a nice conversation. Haha. Everything seems to have changed. The relief part is, i've just made a new ezlink card. It's one of the things under my 'essential' list. Without it, i can't go anywhere, man. But one thing is, the lady didn't align my photo properly and it looked kinda 'senget'. She treats me nicely though. =)

Sad thing.

Hi guys, i just returned from a memorable trip with my fellow secondary school friends and a very deary pal, Angelo. His family moved to Dubai for some reasons that we ought not to know. We understand that. Perhaps it might upset him or his family members if we were to ask. He was on his journey back to his homeland, Philippines where he will continue his education. But along the way, he dropped by Singapore to visit us and probably spend some time with us. It was really nice to see him again. But it's sad he could only be with us for less than half a day. It's really a long journey though we spent only about 5 hours with him. Here are the pictures i took. There's more but we have to wait for Kelvin to create an online photo album and then i'll post em' here.

The first journey ends..

It feels so great that it is all over now. But it is not entirely the end yet.. I would either repeat the whole year or proceed to JC2 to complete the second major examination after GCE O level, which is GCE A level. The examination that determines my being in RSAF. I will take my instructor's words seriously, and i will try my best and hope that i'll meet him again in RSAF. I have indeed been looking forward to this day, expecting great stuffs that can be done within this time period. Ironically, though it's after promos, there's absolutely nothing much to do. It is so boring. I miss exams, school and my eyecandies, =D. During this short-term holiday, i'll also have dinner with my sweet little jiejie. Haha. It's been a long time since i last met her. Many things that i can actually are restricted due to the fasting month. But it's not a bad thing, you see. I can save money too. Haha. So that i can spend after the fasting month. And not to forget, further improve my guitartistic skills. Hehe. Not to be the fastest finger among others, but the one who produces the most soothing and creative sounds. Anyway, i don't what more to post about. I shall end here.

..

It's been a long time since we last met.
It is really a very very long time.
Your face keeps flashing in my mind.
I sometimes imagine that you were
with me and those times i smiled to myself.
I just wish those imaginations could become real.
My attempts to find you everyday keep
going down the drain along with the drifting waters.
I strongly believe that we would be together again.
Because of you, i still got no strength to start.
How do i make myself hate you?
Think it through, i don't wish to..
I wanna remember the moments we had
under the small hut, especially..
I guess most of our times were spent at
that very spot. Haha..
I did everything in my hand to impress you.
Still, it wasn't fruitful.
If i were to meet you again next time,
i'll hold you tight in my arms and never ever let you go.

Goodbye..

So i guess it is goodbye to my Motorola E1070. It was deliberately but silently stolen. The thing is, i placed it on my bag with my shirt covering it and i put it among many bags that belong to my friends. I was playing basketball with my friends and our bags were less than 15 feet away. How could anyone just took without our knowledge. Sigh.. That phone has been my very best companion. A lot of memories with it. I would like to thank my friends who even cared to stay back for some time to help me look for it. I really appreciate it. The results however weren't fruitful. What am i going to do now? That phone has always been of great use to me. Now it is just gone.

Is this the end?

i guess this marks the end of me
being an SYFC pilot, and also a
youth pilot. I'm really very sad
right now. I've never felt so sad
this is because it feels like my
dreams have shattered..
Yes, sometimes i dreaded going
for my flights.. But now, i just
have to be phased out, or shouldn't
i say that.. 'Phased out' seems to be
a negative word. I had a talk with
my instructor SIM CK.. He said
that he would put me through
phase 2. But, i just have too many
CxWx for a phase 1 pilot..
Seriously, it's because of these
CxWx that i didn't have time to
at least complete phase 1..
Of course, i can't blame the
weather for this. It just wasn't
my day. I love those moments
when i'm in the air, looking down
and i could see everything that is
in Singapore..i could even see PJC.
Flying through the clouds were a
great experience too.
I must and should say that i had the
best and caring flying instructor
that anyone can ever imagine of.
Despite the few scoldings in the plane,
he really was and still the best.
I had a great time flying with him.
There is an aura of confidence in him
and enters my body everytime i flew
with him. He said, he could have put
me through. But with the remaining time,
by the time i go for my 1st solo,
it will be my promos, which is also very
important for me cuz I have to be promoted
to J2. He wants me to concentrate on my
studies, and get tremendous A level grades
and apply for air force after that.
He strongly encouraged me to do that.
And i somewhat agreed with him..
Sigh..i guess this IS the end..
Tomorrow will be my last flight
as a youth pilot.. i just felt like
breaking down.. I put all my effort
to get into SYFC..a place where my
future career stands.

I'm really at a loss for words.
I'm really all stressed up..
I had my a parent-meeting session
in school regarding my results today.
I felt sad for my parents and
disappointed in myself..
In the JC life, it is all about
application of knowledge, not
about content only..
And that's where the problem lies:
APPLICATION..
Furthermore, my SYFC was involved.
The VP said that i will have to
quit it.. FUCK IT!!! I won't.
I don't see any relation of SYFC
with my MYE results at all...
That's not all..from now on, i can
only leave school at 9pm because
of the compulsary night study..
I find it beneficial if we stay back
twice or thrice a week but imagine
everyday? And with reluctance?
This ain't gonna work, sucker.
I just miss BOYCOTTED..
i miss the times we jamm at
the studio..all crazy and funky.
I miss those jokes.. unfortunately,
my guitar would be kept till promo.
I have to get promoted to JC2
whatever it is. But that does not mean
boycot me from all my stuff.
Sigh..i need intensed guidance..

What the fuckin' hell is wrong with these people?
What is their main intention of holding
innocent minds as hostages and showing
no mercy to them?? Though those hostages
are not related to me, i feel really sad
for the family of the deceased..
The way they were murdered was really
inhumane, according to the news reporter.
I wonder how it must have felt being
murdered mercilessly..It must have been
unexpected. It's like you are asked to turn behind
and face a plain meaningless wall,
drips of sweats of fear trickle down your
forehead..you don't know what's gonna happen.
Then in a glimpse of an eye, everything went
blank..or it could be worse. They murder you
slowly so that you can feel the excruciating
pain. I really can't imagine it..
If only i had the power to entirely eliminate
any aggressors that is standing this ground
of earth. If only i can read people's minds,
like their plans to do something bad or anything.
Sigh..just where do their human conscience go?
Can somebody stop this hell!!??