I received a double blow today. First of all, i've disappointed my parents. They came for a meeting with my teacher today, and everything was one hell of a screw up. Tried my very best to hide the emo feeling from my friends to avoid any unnecessary commotion. I've never shed a single tear until today. I thought i was the saddest man on the planet right now. Then, i reached home and received a letter from air force. I won't receive the letter if i'm accepted of the post. So you get what i mean. Like i mentioned in my previous posts, journey to my dream always end in the middle of the path and it just did. I just can't think of any alternative right now. I've never thought of any before. I've disappointed my parents, and my friends who gave me incessant support and encouragement to become a pilot, and not to forget, i've disappointed myself totally. Now, i have every fuckin' reason to be emo. I guess it's time for me to remove the badge. I'm terribly sorry i've let all of you down.

I'm really feeling scared as the days progress. I don't know whether i'll be accepted by the military and be sent for training overseas after my basic training. To be certain, i would very much like that to happen. I'm certain of every decision i make, it will lead to where i want it to be. But sometimes, it's not in your hands. It's in THEIR hands. Argh! I guess i'm the only person in this world who is experiencing the highest degree of the word 'SCARED'. I've never been so timid like this before.

probably getting a new bag next week..

i've brought pain ever since..to myself and to them. I don't think i can hold on much longer. My friends from polytecnic are doing way better than me. And i seem to progress much slowly. I just wanna be free from this torture chamber.

"If you can't hold on, let it go and come back in your heart.
And if you can't hold on, maybe it's not time for you
But if you can't hold on, on your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through"

So far, i've been successful in aligning myself with the path of my dreams. But something has been consistently happening. I've never went pass the centrepoint of the journey. I will be blown by strong sudden wind that pushes me away from the path. It has happened twice. And i'm afraid that it might happen for the third time. I feel that i did relatively bad for the compass test. It's just my feeling. But i need to keep a positive mindset and that whatever the outcome, has its reasons. God obviously wants to prove something to us, whenever we fail in achieving something. And it's up to us to find the answers to our questions.

The aptitude test is nearing. I don't know how to get myself prepared besides having an early sleep. I've been with my flight simulator since. Hope it'd be of a great help on the day itself. Man, i'm really really nervous. There's no other word to describe how i feel. It's a pilot test, mind you. I have to do it well and be shortlisted for an interview. Argh! This means that i'll not come to school this wednesday. And considering whether i should come back to school for the econs lecture. I've set a mentality that i'd not skip any additional lessons cause A levels is nearing and i'm still not getting that quality grades. I pity S29 as a whole including me. We have been among the lowest since last year. We are determined to be the best, at least the most improved class. So God, i pray that you wish us all the best. And also, i pray that i'd do above average for the aptitude test. Amin.

I have every reason to be emo..

Why do different people of different religions see various kind of ghosts? For example, the christians, if they are fortunate enough, they would see ghosts in the form of spirits lurking around their neighbourhood. For muslims, we would see ghosts such as pochong, a ghost which hops in small steps and also covered with white cloth that is used to wrap a corpse prior to their burial. As for the chinese people(i don't know how many religions they have), they would see ghosts, also like the pochong, but the ghost wears a hat and a chinese suit i think. Whatever it is, what does this mean? Doesn't the word 'ghost' carry only one definition? A wandering spirit? So who is right? Or neither is right. And that there is no such thing as ghost. It only has something to do with the situation at that point of time and how vulnerable your imaginations can get. Others who don't believe in ghosts believe in them when they get to see them right in front of their eyes. Why do those ghosts appear in front of them only when they ask for it? So give yourself some time to sit down and ponder this. Ghosts..do they really exist?

this is just way too cool

My GC was stolen today, in the mosque. This increasing trend of theft cases is really annoying to people who go to mosque with peace and sincerity hoping that nothing bad will happen to them. A good example is me. An essential and something that plays a big part of me has just been stolen by some fuckers whom instead of praying with the group, they sneaked and opened people's belongings and grab whatever they see appealing. They would even grab the whole bag or sandals. This people are ruthless and i don't think they are even afraid of the consequences of what they're doing. I don't even think they know the concepts of ISLAM well. They even dare to steal in the holy vicinity. FUCK THEM! Curse them over and over again.

Finished my last paper today: Physics. I find that paper 2 was quite okay and i could pass it. However, paper 1 was a menace. And i felt there is something wrong with the duration. I didn't get to think through all the questions let alone finishing it. I find that the time was too short. What the hell. Everyone was like moaning and groaning about it.

It'll be my last subject later. Physics it is. It is the last paper. So many people would give all their best, mug for the entire day, etc. For the first time, i suddenly feel unmotivated to do all those. Maybe because of the previous papers that i did. Especially math. The questions looked damn easy but when you start writing on the paper, you'll be thinking over and over again why you can't get it right. This is math in JC. You will use 5 times more paper than you use in secondary school. I'd like to get it over with and start preparations for A level. I can do it, i know i can.