trip to the beach

unpredicted crush..

There's a lot of pretty girls in my class, 4A..ranging from malays to chinese. But there is this girl, whom i prefer, than the rest. She's really a lady. I mean, soft and soothing voice.. never heard her scream out of anger. If she is angered by something or someone, she wouldn't vent it on anyone. Not to forget, she's sweet, fair, and pretty too.. But damn, she's different from me. She's of a different religion. If i'm not wrong, she's a christian. But it doesn't matter, a crush will always remain a crush. As a matter of fact, i have a crush on her. But i just don't want to go any further. Things might get worse, especially our friendship. Well, i managed to take a pic with her on prom night. That was the only day i could be a playboy, haha..


* This is me and her..
If you want to see her full picture, click this link: http://usera.imagecave.com/Suhaimi/meandpetrina-copy.jpg

lonely..

I have no idea why but frankly, i'm becoming more emotional by the days. I've become vulnerable and sensitive. By saying sensitive, it doesn't mean that i'll cry if someone calls me ugly. What i meant is, films these days are sad ones and whenever i watch em', i'm emotionally affected. I would burst into tears but i won't inhale too deep. Reason, if i inhale too deep as if i have flu, my family would know that i'm crying and that would be embarrassing. So i try damn hard not to make any signs. Alright, let's get to the point. I'm so lonely, man. I accept the fact that people whom i loved(not family) have left me. It was either my fault or theirs but i didn't really mind. I admit that i spend most of the time of my life thinking of her. My friends advised me to just forget her. I told them i will. Why is it that the more i try to forget someone, the more frequent will that particular person appear in my dreams? Even if they appear in my dreams a million times, what will it do? Yes, my feelings for them will grow. But if i approach them, will they give me a chance? Doubts, i have doubts about it. Sigh..i'm emotionally deranged, man. Why can't we be friends? I hope your hatred for me will slowly fade away in time..

"Hope you'll stay the same cause there's nothing bout' you i would change." This quote really means a lot to me. I've been saying this to myself. Hoping that the person whom i really adores would not change. As a matter of fact, she did. Her feelings towards me changed. Let's not go around the bushes. The girl i'm referring to is Wajihah. She's a joyful person, always smiles and never failed to make me smile as well. But as soon as our friendship ends, she just refused to be my friend again.. I used to cherish feelings for her but i'm not sure if she had. But my intentions: I just wanna be her friend. Reason is, it feels great to be her friend. Before i began to develop feelings for her, it was already fun to talk to her as pals, and i just couldn't stop talking to her. I guess i was the cause of the confiscation of her phone( free sms had exceeded ). I seriously felt bad about it, wish i could turn back time. Point is, she's a good friend, really good friend. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out well. It was only for a moment. Now, she refuses to talk to me. Sigh. I've lost one good pal.

just a lil light on the darkness..

It's not what it seems right now. Everything is going to topple and become upside-down. I have no intention to offend anyone but as a muslim myself, i would like to bring upon this matter. It's optional for female muslims to wear the scarf over their heads but most parents would want their children to wear it. Okay, let's get to the point here. They wear the head scarf and they still do those criticized stuff such as sitting at the void deck with the opposite gender hugging, etc. Directly, they are tarnishing the true meaning of Islam. At the same time, there are terror acts going on in this world and Islam's reputation is already been tarnished. Islam does not teach people to use violence and those terrorists try to poison those people with weak religious knowledge. It's already enough for what's happening outside of singapore. But what's going on inside singapore is truly outrageous. Muslims are going out of hands in this country. My point is, i don't want the non-muslims to think the otherwise of us.

Flashback

This flashback is about a 14-year-old girl whom i met her by coincidence at the auditorium during WSI second round last year. I was sitting at the row behind hers and at the same time, she's my friend's sister. I kinda liked her when i saw her. So i wanted to get to know her better. I got part of the help from my friend's sister's friend. I began to talk to the 14-year-old girl. We became friends, and then closer. As love blossoms, i began to feel ultimately happy being with her. A bad incident occured, her handphone was confiscated(often happens) and we lost contact. I tried to get through her but couldn't. So i sought help from her friend and she said that it seemed that i had a lot of chances to meet her but she was avoiding it. She then dropped me an email saying that it's over between us. In that email, she said that i was the cause of the bad relation between she and her friends. I was just seeking help. Where can i get help? Her friends, of course. I assure you that your friends were exaggerating. I did not ask them out of desperation. I just wanted an answer from your own mouth, your own voice. What's so difficult about that? Indeed you wouldn't believe what i said because your friends have been with you longer than i have. But it doesn't matter right now. My mum once told me, don't brag around if the girl that i admire doesn't like you. It's best if i accept her decision and back off. Frankly, i do miss her sometimes. I was so happy talking to her. I've never laughed so hard before until i sms her or chat on the net. It's been weeks or shall i say months, since i last communicated with her. But things happen yeah? Life has to go on, it seems.

An Unexpected Dream

I'm meant to forget about her already. She still won't give me the answers to my unanswered questions. She still hasn't tell me why she did that to me. She just refused to set my mind at ease. So i took the initiative to forget her, struggling.. But, these few days, i dreamt of her. But why now? Why when i'm in the midst of forgetting her? Does that mean that we're bound to be together again or is it just an unexplained theory or mystery? I don't know what it means but i'll just wait for the results.

Prom Night On 27 Nov..

I know four days have passed since the Prom Night. I ought to be posting earlier but i didn't. Prom Night had been a memorable one for me, frankly. Out of the blue, i began to feel sober.
Seeing my friends from 4A especially, seemed as if we're parting. I never wanted that to happen. Their my friends, the best friends..i've realised that losing your friends is far more disastrous than losing your girlfriend. I don't wanna lose them. I almost cried, man.. Somehow i believe that we will continue to keep in touch with one another, perhaps a class reunion every year in WSSS..haha.. That would be great.

Well, on that day, i met up with my malay friends: Ali, Faiz, Farid and Zul. Ibro wasn't with us cuz he went with Johnny. We met at the bus stop near my block, and we took bus 190. We missed our stop and had to walk a long way. Haha.. I felt uneasy cuz as we were walking, people stared at us as though we're MAFIA members..with our coat and blazers, all looking smart. We sort of got lost, and Ali took the initiative to ask a guard. We walked and walked until we saw Albert and Kenny at the entrance. They were waiting for someone. We shaked their hands and proceeded in. Thought it was gonna be open space but turned to be in an air-conditioned room. It's on the second floor but we went to the gents first.





Haha..we took some boyband pics in the toilet.. Insane but it's only once in a while. Then we went up to sign in. 3 ladies from the council would tell us which table serves halal and non-halal foods. In other words, we can sit with whoever we want to as long as we're sitting on the correct tables. We had to wait for an hour or so before the whole event started cuz some hadn't arrived yet.

(TO BE CONTINUED)..