The First Move

My loneliness has made me more tempted to find a companion which would keep me company, make me feel secured and peaceful. Always making me smile and laugh whenever we chat. And even jokes that are endless. I used to experience these previously. At first, i thought i would be with her for a very long time, perhaps forever. Perhaps i was so into love at that time. Well, things went the other way. I was already so happy with her. Life full of joy. One fine day, she sent me an email wanting to go separate ways. It wasn't just like that of course, long story. All i could say is, good things sure come to an end. For almost a year, i've been bearing it. But now, i possibly can't. My loneliness has become intensed. Thing is, should i make the first move? What if i made a fool out of myself? What if she doesn't even bear any feelings for me? What if she doesn't even know who i am? That would be a moment when i will never face up to myself ever again. But peer pressure showed that i SHOULD make the first move. At least tell her that i fancy her. But..what if they are attached? Arrghh!!! I would get instantaneous bashing from her boyfriend. Anyone, help me with this stuff?

p.s. no specific person/girl involved

Just a random photo of me. In the midst of becoming a street magician huh..

Fuckin' Frustrated

I would like to express my feelings regarding a matter. Today seemed to one of my luckiest days. This may sound silly to ya'll but it's not to me. It's so hard to find a BICYCLE card deck, especially a BLACK TIGER. I went to the ICA with my family to make a replacement of my IC. After that, we went to Raffles Hospital to eat our breakfast/lunch. We then went to a nearby shopping centre which seemed to be uncrowded. It doesn't look like a shopping centre to me. It was very quiet inside. As we were walking inside, i came across a shop. My first sight was, some mahjong tiles. Just before i looked away, i saw a typical BICYCLE deck. I lay my eyes on it for quite some time.

Then i approached the shop slowly and glanced at the display. There were actually more. The shop tender who was an old lady(not so old till she can't walk..she was well-conversed in english though), she asked me to come in and take a look at the BICYCLE decks she has in store. I was astounded. There were more than BICYCLE. All the undistributed decks from USA were there. I saw a black BICYCLE deck which is BLACK TIGER and asked her for the price. It was 12 bucks. Well, it's a typical price for a black BICYCLE deck. So i took it for 12 bucks. I didn't tell my dad that i bought it because he will scold thinking that i bought that deck to gamble. Actually, i bought it because it's appealing and seems to be the most attractive card deck. Besides that, i bought to practice and learn some magic tricks. Once i reached home, i headed for my room and unwrapped the transparent plastic that enclosed the deck box. The moment i touched the cards, i soon fell in love with it. I kept it all in one piece and hid it under my blanket and then went to living room to play some games and surf the net on my notebook.

After about 2 hours, i went into my room to try out some magic tricks. It was GONE. I looked for everywhere in my house without telling my parents what i was actually looking for though they kept asking me. I have my mum in mind. I think she went into my room to place some clothes in my cupboard. It couldn't be my sister. Why would she wanna take it? She doesn't even know how to name the four houses. It could be my dad, but he slept when we reached home. It was my first ever card deck. And it cost me 12 bucks. That's a lot of money. I can jamm with my band with it. Gosh.. Arrghh.. I can't ask my mum and dad whether they entered my room and took something that belongs to me in the presence of each other. I'll be doomed if so. Sigh.. I'm fuckin' frustrated right now.

I really admire this video. I know it's kinda outdated but i just feel like posting about it. Matt used to scream like hell in the past. And i like this scream of his. It's awesome. Hope he can take the dare to scream again, at least once would do.

Relieved..

On my journey to school today, i couldn't help feeling damn anxious. Possible outcome is that i retain or promoted. Getting retained alone would be the end of the world to me. Some said getting retained would be a good thing because we will be given a chance to start all over again and possibly do exceptionally well for the next promotional examination. However, surprisingly, i got PROMOTED. Of course i was really happy when i didn't see my name on the board outside the G.O. But i couldn't let it out because i was still uncertain. Well, eventually, those names that do not appear on the board means that those people would be promoted. Based on the results of my promotional examination, the possibility of me promoting is 50:50. The moderation was really outstanding and exaggerating. I would like to thank God for answering my prayers and giving me a second chance to prove myself worthy to be a JC2 student. Nevertheless, i feel sad for my friends who did not make to JC2 namely R*****, A****, J**N***. These 3 guys have been the closest to me and now, we'll be physically apart. I had high hopes for them to promoted. I was astonished myself, to be hearing news about them not getting to be promoted. They didn't look upset either. I would like to wish my friends who couldn't make it, all the best for their journey to the promos next year. I bet ya'll do extremely well and at least be able to establish yourselves as the top students. Meanwhile, i'll do my very best for A levels, now that i've been given a chance. I'll do anything to clear my doubts about any subjects. No more SHY guy, it's time for DARE guy.

I guess i'll not go for her. I think it's dumb of me to do that. It is also not pleasant to be a person who always have a change of heart. It makes me feel as if i'm not true to the person I truly love and particularly, myself. I really miss this someone. There have been a repetition of this but it just makes me feel a lot better. Though the time we spent together was FANTASTICALLY little, I wish i had cherished those days and better, cherish YOU. Why do you have to pull my mine along with yours? Sigh..I also think that i'm becoming more eMo nowadays. Even my friends said so. I don't even wanna be an emo person, who rarely socialises. But the problem that has been tailing me since, has made me into one. Argh!!!