Is this the end?

i guess this marks the end of me
being an SYFC pilot, and also a
youth pilot. I'm really very sad
right now. I've never felt so sad
this is because it feels like my
dreams have shattered..
Yes, sometimes i dreaded going
for my flights.. But now, i just
have to be phased out, or shouldn't
i say that.. 'Phased out' seems to be
a negative word. I had a talk with
my instructor SIM CK.. He said
that he would put me through
phase 2. But, i just have too many
CxWx for a phase 1 pilot..
Seriously, it's because of these
CxWx that i didn't have time to
at least complete phase 1..
Of course, i can't blame the
weather for this. It just wasn't
my day. I love those moments
when i'm in the air, looking down
and i could see everything that is
in Singapore..i could even see PJC.
Flying through the clouds were a
great experience too.
I must and should say that i had the
best and caring flying instructor
that anyone can ever imagine of.
Despite the few scoldings in the plane,
he really was and still the best.
I had a great time flying with him.
There is an aura of confidence in him
and enters my body everytime i flew
with him. He said, he could have put
me through. But with the remaining time,
by the time i go for my 1st solo,
it will be my promos, which is also very
important for me cuz I have to be promoted
to J2. He wants me to concentrate on my
studies, and get tremendous A level grades
and apply for air force after that.
He strongly encouraged me to do that.
And i somewhat agreed with him..
Sigh..i guess this IS the end..
Tomorrow will be my last flight
as a youth pilot.. i just felt like
breaking down.. I put all my effort
to get into SYFC..a place where my
future career stands.

I'm really at a loss for words.
I'm really all stressed up..
I had my a parent-meeting session
in school regarding my results today.
I felt sad for my parents and
disappointed in myself..
In the JC life, it is all about
application of knowledge, not
about content only..
And that's where the problem lies:
APPLICATION..
Furthermore, my SYFC was involved.
The VP said that i will have to
quit it.. FUCK IT!!! I won't.
I don't see any relation of SYFC
with my MYE results at all...
That's not all..from now on, i can
only leave school at 9pm because
of the compulsary night study..
I find it beneficial if we stay back
twice or thrice a week but imagine
everyday? And with reluctance?
This ain't gonna work, sucker.
I just miss BOYCOTTED..
i miss the times we jamm at
the studio..all crazy and funky.
I miss those jokes.. unfortunately,
my guitar would be kept till promo.
I have to get promoted to JC2
whatever it is. But that does not mean
boycot me from all my stuff.
Sigh..i need intensed guidance..